#mojoposts

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I love how Ilya just let Shane do whatever he wanted during their first hookup after the CCM commercial shoot. He didn’t ever stop him from touching him or sucking him off, even let him push him around a bit. He went at Shane’s pace and let him explore. I’m sure it was out of curiosity, just to see what the golden boy of hockey would do. And he found out Shane Hollander would do a lot if given the opportunity.

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Shane didn’t freak out during the tuna meltdown just because Ilya said his name. He freaked out because he said Ilya’s name. He could’ve let Ilya saying his first name slide, but no. He paused. Looked that man in the eyes and said Ilya’s name so emphatically because he meant that shit. And that scared him. Because Shane was not ready to confront the fact that he most definitely had feelings for a man. A man that was a fellow hockey player. A man that was his professional rival. A man he thought only saw him as a fuck buddy. Shane had no idea Ilya felt the same way. Ilya didn’t even know he felt the same way. Shane left because it was all becoming too real. He left because he didn’t want to leave. He left because he realized he was falling in love with Ilya and that scared him.

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Shane has a stripper pole in his home gym and when Ilya first sees it he gives Shane the most incredulous look.

“It’s for exercise, not whatever your dirty mind is thinking.”

He probably didn’t seem very convincing with the way he was blushing. Ilya slowly saunters toward him.

“Hm, I’d like to see this exercise then. For educational purposes, of course.”

Shane does not get very far in his pole dance routine before Ilya is rock hard watching every muscle of his rival flex and ripple from holding up his weight. And when Shane decides to be a little minx and starts taking off articles of clothing, Ilya is a goner.

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Shane losing it one day after Yuna gives him the “you’re a role model” speech for the millionth time. Not wanting to blow up on his mother, he waited until he got home to let go in Ilya’s presence.

“I never fucking wanted to be a role model! I never asked for it! Why do I have to be the one representing the whole goddamn Asian community and their place in hockey? Why do I have to watch what I say, how I say it, when every other fucking player just gets to act however they like, huh?! I can’t appear too cocky because “what about the children?” I can’t be caught doing anything that could wreck the perfect fucking image of hockey’s Golden Boy. I’m a leader, but I can’t forget that I’m an Asian leading a bunch of white men around so I have to make sure I don’t overstep or make them uncomfortable. Can’t forget my place, ya know. Like I could ever forget! I have to listen to every fucking racist chirp, but I can’t get too upset about it, no, otherwise what will the white fans think?! They can’t have an aggressive person of color on the ice calling out racism! God forbid! Now I can’t “act too gay” because that’s feeding into racist stereotypes? What the fuck does that even mean?! How does me being gay have anything to do with me being Asian? I’m fucking Canadian anyway! I was born here! Grew up here! My dad is fucking white for fucks sake! Oh, but don’t even get me started on that. I try so hard but it’s never fucking enough. And just because my mother is Japanese? How does that make sense?! The 2010s are almost over, why do I still have to deal with this fucking shit?! Ugh! I’m just so fucking tired of having to be perfect all the time!”

Ilya sat there patiently listening as Shane paced back and forth in front of him, letting him get it all out. He doesn’t always catch every word Shane says, but he can get the gist. They’ve been here many times before over the years. Every few months, Shane just loses it. Ilya can never really understand what his boyfriend is going through, but he’s happy to be the one Shane can open up to about all the pressure he’s always under.

Eventually, Shane loses steam and just flops down on the sofa, head landing in Ilya’s lap. Ilya immediately cards his fingers through Shane’s hair, nails scraping against his scalp because he knows he likes that.

“Feel better?”

“Mmm, eh, not really. Thanks for listening, though.”

Ilya leans down to kiss his temple. “Any time.”

He continues to rub Shane’s head until he falls asleep, exhausted from his tirade and the weight of being Shane Hollander.

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Ilya and Shane post tlg learning how to live with another person full time. Like yeah they have spent weeks together, but now they’re living together. That means it’s not just Shane’s things in the bathroom anymore where he quickly learns that Ilya will continue filling up the bottle of soap with water so no product gets wasted (Shane cannot wrap his head around why anyone would do this since it definitely changes the soap’s efficacy). And Ilya’s clothes can’t take up all the space in the closet because Shane needs room for all of his Reebok and a special shelving unit for the Rolex watches he’s been given over the years (that Ilya is constantly stubbing his toe on because he keeps forgetting it’s there). But their biggest battle is over the laundry. Shane is someone who does laundry once a week on the same day every week (Sunday’s if you’re curious) with the occasional exception. Ilya is a wash as you need it type of person. He also still isn’t used to using the dryer (they just didn’t have them in Russia) so Shane will find clothes hanging outside on a makeshift clothesline in the middle of winter even with a perfectly good dryer right there (it’s actually the most eco friendly model on the market). These things don’t really start arguments per se, although they are lobbed as ammunition whenever they’re fighting. But as soon as a “what kind of crazy person leaves their wet laundry outside in the snow to dry?!” or a “why does one man need so many shoes?! You only have two feet!” comes out of their mouths, they pause, stare at each other for a heated moment, then crack up laughing at the ridiculousness of what they just said, whatever they were originally bickering about completely forgotten.

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Ilya and Shane accidentally stepping out on the ice in each other’s jerseys. They hadn’t even noticed since they both said Hollander on the back. The fans went wild with it though, speculating online about what could’ve happened in the locker room for the couple to not realize they had unknowingly swapped jerseys. The rest of the Cens knew exactly what happened. It had become a habit for hollanov to get a little hot and heavy in the bathroom before a game. So to teach them a lesson, they hadn’t corrected them on the jerseys beforehand. Serves them right. They were professionals for fuck’s sake. Although they really didn’t care that it was unprofessional. If the rest of them couldn’t get it on with their partners in the locker room before a game, then neither could they. (And no, Ilya does not get special captain privileges no matter what he tries to say.)

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It’s not surprising to me that Shane is expected to “fix” himself after their big Boxing Day fight. He’s had to conform to society’s standards as well as hockey culture his entire life. And since Ilya already made so many sacrifices, it’s Shane’s turn to make concessions. Not saying it’s right, it’s just what happens. But what I don’t find fair is this expectation that he should’ve known Ilya was hurting. Being in a long distance relationship isn’t easy, especially when both parties are super busy. Making time can come in little spurts, like we see in tlg, and when you have that time, talking about serious issues within your relationship is the last thing you wanna do. Shane throwing the question of would you pick me over hockey back at Ilya didn’t come from the same place as it did for Ilya. Ilya was asking literally because a part of him believed Shane loved hockey more than him and was terrified Shane really would choose hockey and decide to leave him—the man has abandonment issues. Whereas Shane was asking his counterpart and rival, the man he thought loved hockey just as much as he did, whether he’d be able to give up such an integral part of his identity. Because to Shane, not being able to play hockey would be like cutting off his own head. He wasn’t thinking about everything Ilya had given up because that had always been the plan: sign with Ottawa, start their charity, play hockey, retire, come out. It was their way of having both of the things they love: each other and hockey. Because Shane wasn’t willing to give up either. That plan that was tearing Ilya apart is what was holding Shane together. But as soon as Shane realized that, he changed the plan. The original plan was always inequitable and was always going to result in Ilya getting hurt—because Ilya was depressed long before he ever met Shane. The whole reason for the plan in the first place was for them to have the future they wanted together and keep the future they already had set for themselves. Which was fine in theory, but in practice, for two people with mental health issues they either are just unaware of or don’t want to acknowledge, it was never going to work.

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Two rivals sitting on a sofa five feet apart cuz they’re not madly in love with each other