I am still mad at my mom
Tigger Warning: sister relationship problem, mommy issues
On June 1, 2025, I was playing with my cat and laughing. Guess who told my mom the house is so loud? Oh, it was my her (I really don't like saying she is my sister because I really feel so uncomfortable calling her, but now it's a her). My mom told me that I was too loud and to lower my voice. I am like thinking, how the hell does playing with my cat and laughing is loud, which I would not understand at all. I am now easily irritated and mad at mom. I got a feeling she tell on me to my mom. When she was walking downstairs to eat, I keep on saying she is a bitch and giving her a mean look to a glare look at her. This is payback from when she tell me to shut the fuck up last year during Christmas Day. On that day, I didn't do anything wrong, and I didn't cry that day. She told my mom about what had happened. I got in trouble, and my mom talked to me. I was saying I need to get her back on the day from last year. My mom says she didn't do anything wrong. My perspective is that I am teaching her a lesson that she takes her anger out on me, and now she probably doesn't understand that I am doing the same thing to her. My mom says that she doesn't feel safe when I am about to hit her. I say if I were going to hit her, then I would have already done it. My mom says that the problem is that you want to hit her. I say I was thinking about wanting to hit her, but I stopped myself because I don't really want to do that. I feel like hitting her. She says that's a problem. She told my dad that I make my sister go away from home and into her apartment. My mom and I have an argument fight with each other, and it gets so bad to the point she makes me cry. After that, my mom had a call, and my mom let me know that she was calling her. After that long talk, my mom tried to make me feel guilty for her. My mom says to me she is cold and she doesn't have anywhere to sleep. I just don't care about her.
On June 2, 2025, I had a loud outburst talking in my room. I heard a knock on my door. My cat heard it as well. I asked my mom if she had knocked on my door earlier. She says no to me. She says Why do you always attack me. I say it's not my fault since you are the one who talked to me first. I make her furious at me. My mom and I had a second argument fight with each other. When she came home, I told her to give me the past Mother's Day gifts to me. I can take a picture of it, put it in the trash, and throw it away. She says it's okay. She peeled an orange for me and gave it to me. My thinking is, why is my mom so nice to me? I quickly say no. I had a second loud outburst talking downstairs.
On June 3, which is today. I have a third loud outburst talking in my room. When my mom came home. I asked my mom about the past Mother's Day gifts that I had given to her. She tells me to give her a break, and she will find it for me. And now she tells me she has already thrown it away. Just wow and not surprised.
Right now, I feel I hate being a part of this family, and my family. I have so much anger and resentment towards them. I now plan to move far away from family because I feel sick and tired of them all.
This is my update for June.