#momweaver

[loreweaver-universe]

the reaction you guys have to my tarquin line readings always feels good but my absolute favorite compliment I’ve received about them is when I did a line reading for my mom and she said it made her want to slap me

[loreweaver-universe]

Oh boy.  Today was amazing.

So today is my cousin’s daughter Madalyn’s birthday.  She’s seventeen!  Happy birthday to her!  My mom lives a couple hours away, so when she came up for Madalyn’s birthday, she invited me along to lunch.

Here are the players in today’s story:

Momweaver--My mother.  Fifty years old.

Amanda--My cousin.  Thirty-eight.  Looks twentyish.

Madalyn--My cousin’s daughter.  Freshly seventeen.

Justin--Madalyn’s boyfriend.

Loreweaver--Yours truly.  Thirty-one.  Currently with a shaved head, bushy wizard eyebrows, and a well-along beard.

So here’s the thing about Amanda--she genuinely looks like she’s only about twentyish.  She gets mistaken for my mother’s daughter on the regular, gets carded on a regular basis, and gets mistaken for Madalyn’s sister on just as regular a basis.  She’s used to getting mistaken for being much younger than she is, but it’s a running joke in our family.

Anyways, after Madalyn got her nose pierced for her birthday and I got over my hiccups, we went out for lunch at the local Chinese place.  Mom and I sit on one side of the booth, and Amanda, Madalyn, and Justin sit on the other.  We have a very nice waitress who’s in her early twenties herself.  She takes our orders, serves us our food, and comes back to check on us a couple times along the way.  Meanwhile, we chat about life, Madalyn’s new piercing, the coronavirus, and, fatefully, the way Amanda keeps getting mistaken for a younger woman and how much Madalyn hates it.

And then we’re ready to leave, and she comes back to make sure we’re all done.

She turns to my mother and says “Everything go all right, Mom?”

Which was honestly kind of weird, but whatever.  Momweaver nods and says, yes, everything was great.  Tasty food, good service.

Then the waitress turns to the other side of the booth and says, “How about you, kiddos?”

Silence for about three seconds, and then the entire table erupts in laughter.

Our very nice waitress had assumed that Amanda, Madalyn, and Justin were all Momweaver’s children, and I was her much-younger-than-her husband, and treated us accordingly.

We absolutely lost our shit.  Our poor waitress fell all over herself apologizing once we explained things, but we didn’t tell her Amanda’s actual age until she took a guess (twenty-four, for the record).  We reassured her (while still losing our shit) that everything was fine, we weren’t offended, and in fact were absolutely delighted.  She said she’d thought I was a little young to be her husband, but wasn’t going to judge, to which my mother responded “Well, call me ‘cougar,’ I guess.”  We were still laughing about it when we got into our cars, at which point I turned to my mother and said “I’m not gonna fuckin’ call you ‘cougar.’”  I’m proud to say she lost her shit all over again.

That’s a memory I’m going to cherish.  I’m smiling again just thinking about it.

Started hiccuping again the moment I got home, of course, but not even that can ruin this.

[loreweaver-universe]

oh my god my mom would love this bit

[loreweaver-universe]

I watched Spider-verse with my mom this weekend.  She started out not wanting to watch it and a third of the way through went "This is phenomenal."

[loreweaver-universe]

yeah momweaver felt similarly about spider-verse once she watched it with me

[loreweaver-universe]

when I was on my way back from trinidad I bought my mom a wind chime made of ceramic alligators and it’s one of her favorite gifts I’ve given her

[loreweaver-universe]

When I was a kid, my mom had a bunch of funky-shaped ornamental perfume bottles--the stoppered kind--that she never actually used.  I guess they were just for decoration.

[loreweaver-universe]

Hey, who knows?  Maybe you’ll get to pick berries the size of your thumbs.