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In return

I hurt. It hurts so bad. Three years are gone and they were so good. I can only sit here and cry for how much I miss you. I wanted to be happy with you so bad because you were all I knew. I’m so lost now and I don’t know what to do. Because you’re gone. I’m alone again. Every night you haunt my dreams. But we are together. We always make up in my dreams. But this is not a dream. It’s a reality. I wish I could sleep forever so I could still be with you. I know you are broken. I know you can’t do everything that I want. I want to accept it but I know I deserve more. You’ve done so much for me in our time together, for that I am grateful. My mind continuously tries to block it out and make it seem okay. But no matter what I am sad. I am numb. And here I cry.

I want our lives together back so bad. I miss your arms around me and our funny jokes. I miss our silly voices. I miss kisses. I miss your hugs. But when I look back I see that they were empty. I refused to believe it but I knew. You were gone but I didn’t want to let go. I always knew eventually it would have to end but I kept dreaming that it wouldn’t. But here it is. The end. The end of us. The end of 3 years. We were brought together by mutual pain. Searching for an end to that pain together.

I don’t know when you stopped loving me romantically, maybe I do but I covered it up. I know I wasn’t the best partner, I was selfish, I was clingy, I didn’t understand space or boundaries. I didn’t understand how to act in public. I didn’t understand a lot. I forgot everything and would constantly upset you.

You deserve an adult. Someone who’s responsible and strong. You need someone who can finally let you relax and not worry about having to raise your partner. I’m sorry I am such a child at heart. You’ve spent your life being responsible for everyone, including me, I hope one day you only have to be responsible for yourself, and that someone else can take care of you.

I hope you find someone who will suit all your needs and won’t constantly bring up marriage or a future life together.

I miss you so much and I wish I could keep you.

If you love something let it go, if comes back it’s yours, if it doesn’t, it was never yours to keep.

So in return,

tu es mon soleil Mon seul soleil

tu me rends heureux quand le ciel est gris

tu ne sauras jamais mon cher, combien je t'aimais

s'il vous plaît ne prenez pas mon soleil loin

#ill never forget you #ill never stop loving you #youll always be in my heart #i love you still #mon amore #tu es mon soleil