Moonchild | Mono Series
Kim Namjoon x Reader
Genre: Angst. Fantasy themes.
Warnings: Death
A/N: In the third installment of this series, at 42 years of age, Namjoon never thought he would end up alone. He begs the universe to let him say him goodbye.
Previous works:
Tokyo - @bxsicallybts Seoul - @listlessmaenads
- - - - -
Namjoon screamed into the void. His screams rasped and haggard, his throat scratched with every sound that passed his lips. Namjoon knelt by the side of his bed, the room around him as dark as his soul had felt. His fingers dug into the fabric of the duvet he was crying into, his knuckles white from the fists he crushed into the cloth. He could feel his heart beat roughly on the surface of his skin as his body shook with grief. All sound muted into a high pitched ring that stung his ears. He felt the weight of life impale him in his suffering.
As time passed in his solitude his wails began to lessen, his screams began to quieten; Namjoon breathed shallow as he collected his thoughts. He spoke low, almost in a whisper, to the empty room surrounding him. Yet he commanded the attention of someone, something he wished to be there.
“I am not a man of faith, but I do not hold any doubt that a God might exist so I beg you to give me answers.” Namjoon’s back straightened as he laced his fingers together to rest on the bed. “He is so young, why was it his time?” He shut his eyes at the sound of those words, swallowing down the lump that had formed to try to stop him from speaking. “He is so young and he did nothing wrong.” Tears fell effortlessly as he spoke; calmly, urging the universe for answers. “Adeul! Ugh he must be so scared. Please,” Namjoon dropped his head to lay his temple on the bed, his hands clutching against his chest. “Please, if there is a God, let me be with him - let me take him there. Don’t make him be alone, death is lonely enough as it is.” Namjoon muttered endlessly, pleading and begging with the unseen forces around him. “ Please, let me hold his hand.” Echoes of his pleas filled the room until his eyes, heavy in their mourning, fell shut; Namjoon exhausted, succumbed to sleep.
---
“Appa?” Namjoon’s eyes opened, weary and swollen, to the vision of his son tugging on his hand; a vast plane of colour surrounding them. Namjoon looked down at his son, a boy just shy of seven years old, and stood startled at the young man standing beside him. Namjoon stared at his son’s face, his cheeks flush with a pinkish hue as they bloomed with his growing smile. He gripped on Namjoon’s hand, his small and delicate fingers encased in Namjoon’s firm hold. Namjoon could feel his breathing shallow, his mind racing with questions, but silenced at the sound of one from his son.
“Appa, where are we?” They looked around, across the plane of vivid hues of teal and violet. “I’m not sure, sweetheart. Where do you think we are?” Namjoon knelt down to hold his son from behind, bringing him close to his body. Scared that this was would be his last moment to share an embrace, Namjoon soaked in the warmth emanating from his child. A golden crane glided high above them, a trail of silver rain cascading onto the ground as it fanned its tail. Namjoon’s son’s face lit with astonishment, his mouth widening into a bright smile at the sight. Namjoon stood slowly, clasping his son’s hand tightly in his. “Shall we have a look around?”
They walked calmly, taking in the sights of this fantastic world they found themselves in. They passed a magenta pool surrounded by ivory white tigers. Stopping to take a closer look, one of the cubs rose to its feet and strode towards them. Pausing to meet eye to eye, Namjoon’s son bowed deeply, an action the tiger cub mirrored before returning to his place beside the pool. You are full of so much wonder, you didn’t deserve to die. Namjoon felt his eyes beginning to swell but only latched onto his son’s hand tighter. He knew he had to be strong, he had to lead him to the doors to paradise, but he questioned if he could.
“I think Mama is here.” The boy said softly, but confidently. Namjoon looked down with glassy eyes, the feeling of grief overwhelming him again. “You think Mama is here?” “Yeh, Appa. I can feel her.” Namjoon’s son pulled on his arm as he walked forwards, his steps long and determined. Trailing behind, Namjoon roughly wiped the tears that had fallen unwillingly down his face. “She’s over there!” The elation in his son’s voice tore at the fibers of Namjoon’s grieving heart. Namjoon’s son ran towards the horizon where a glistening silver moon rested atop the line separating their world from the next. “Can you see her?!” His son rang out as Namjoon’s eyes stared deeply at the horizon. Namjoon’s grip on his son’s hand weakened, the young boy running forward letting his hand slip away from his father's.
She stood, stoic yet graceful, under the light of the silver moon. Her black hair shining like water under it’s glow, Namjoon could not move at the sight of her. He stared at his love, the love he had lost and felt the gravity shift beneath him. “Appa!” The call from his son grounded him, the realisation of why he was there pulling him back. He walked slowly towards the horizon, the features on her face becoming clearer and clearer with each step. Running back to fetch him, their son threaded his hand into Namjoon’s and led him to the ledge.
“It’s been a while, Joonie.” She spoke, her voice sweet and delicate, just as he remembered. “I’ve missed you. We both have.” Namjoon whispered through the hitching of his breath as he looked down as their son. She looked at him, her eyes warm and deep, the love they shared still showing in them. “I didn’t expect to see you so soon.” Her hands cupping the plump cheeks her son. “I didn’t expect it either.” Namjoon could hear the faltering in his voice, his attempts to stifle his cries failing as his strength wavered. He held out his hand, but she only shook her head. “I can’t touch you anymore, I’ve already passed through.”
The moon dipped lower beneath the horizon, the violet sky shining beams of crimson and amber through the lemon shaded clouds. “We don’t have much time.” She said softly, staring affectionately at Namjoon. She held out her hand to her son, her fingers spread out gently as he took hold of it. Namjoon felt a buzz of electricity flow through the hand he still held. In that moment he know that his son was ready to go. “I’ll take care of him Joonie, just like you have since I’ve been gone.” Namjoon hung his head low, his eyes shutting tight with regret.“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m sorry I couldn’t…” Namjoon felt a brush of warm summer air caress his lips and opened his eyes to the vision of her kissing him.
“We’ll see you again. Hopefully not too soon.” Her voice floated between them. Namjoon waved a gentle hand to his son and smiled warmly at his family. He watched as they stepped beyond the ledge, their bodies crossing the plane and stopping to stand on the silver moon that disappeared under the horizon. His eyes followed the white and pink petals that floated into the void as his family traveled to their paradise. He felt the gravity shift beneath him again, and fell to his knees. A darkness shrouded over his eyes and the call of a golden crane ring loudly in his ears, sleep taking him again.
---
Namjoon awoke to the emptiness of his bedroom. His head still resting on the damp duvet that he had cried into. Swallowing down on the realization that he had only dreamt his final goodbye, Namjoon felt something soft in his hand. Releasing each finger one by one from his grip, he found two petals. With the sight of one white and one pink petal in his hand, Namjoon felt the weight of life fall from his shoulders and his grief lessen with each breath.
“I will see you again.”