Girl, your writing is literally next level! 😭 I am absolutely obsessed with Gilded Cage the grip this series has on me is unreal. The tension you maintain between the leads is such a work of perfection. You are such a talented writer, and I am literally counting down the days until the next part! 🫶✨
Awwww thank youu 🥹 the next part will be out most probably tomorrow or day after tomorrow!
slight tw it might be a little very sad so please take care i am starting a series where its letters to the boys . its reader x jimin for today!!
To my dear Jimin,
Even though i know you will never end up reading this, i just wanted you to know ,
I always thought that no matter how things would come to a halt that it could have been us until the world ends. Standing under the dazzling moonlit sky stars dancing across telling their stories loud and proud.
Your eyes would be golden honey full of hope and swirling ambition like always when you looked down at me and you would end up hypnotizing me into the deeper abyss which i had already fallen through funnily enough its one of the greatest memories i have .
it was always you no matter the timeline
no matter the universe no mater anything
my heart would always belong to yours free to you to do whatever you wish.
Only if they hadn't decided to take you away from me ,i would be standing overlooking you on one knee asking me to marry you and i would say yes even before you finished your sentence
what a funny thought right?
Now that we look back on everything i cant believe those dreams felt so close yet so far in the distance that they remain unattainable but i guess we will never really know the truth for there are always three parts,
yours
mine
the truth.
I can never forgive myself for what you did. i will never understand what lead up you to do that . i will live out the reminder of this life working to make it up to you so that once we meet again you will look at me with those beautiful glazed chocolate eyes
will you smile or scowl when you lay eyes on me again?
will you forgive me or hate me ?
for that i have yet to find out i never believed but for you ,i pray to the gods above every night and for you to be able forgive me someday.
you told me to live with love that night
but what is love without you?
i always thought that it could have been us until the worlds end ,standing under the dazzling moonlit sky ,your hand in mine and you being all mine after i said yes to you
where we sway to the fireflies and all the lies we created , but i think it was the realest thing i could have ever experienced. You were the light in my life coloring my world like confetti every new color being what you made me feel
still
i dream every night of us standing together you hand in mine swaying me around to all the lies we protected ourselves in.
there's a book booth in your city. for weeks, you exchange books with who you believe to be one single person - because nowadays barely anybody reads anymore.
how can you fall in love with someone just by the way they write you little messages under the front covers? sooner or later you have got to meet...
word count: 5809
music: masterpieces on repeat
1996
Min Sujin had a difficult labour. Fourteen hours of insidious and painful tugging as if the baby was wrestling inside; all functional muscles went stiff, and she couldn't push; child was like a cork in her, refusing to get out. Profusely bleeding, she finally gave birth to Jungho after the night of collective struggle: four nurses assisted while the OB pulled and pulled him. Jungho came out feet first, and blue like a violet; the only reason they were sure he's alive was his loud, unhappy scream.
Such a scream has never been heard in the Seoul Central by a newborn. He screamed, and screamed, like his lungs were at least four times bigger, the formed "AAAAA" sounded way too sentient. And even the eyes, dark-black-rainy, kept darting around the room, with the pointed, completely mindful focus. Minji the nurse froze in the corner of the room, transfixed and terrified; she was a bit more supersitious than the rest. Looking at this... creature? the bleeding, the broken left hip, the abnormally deep blackout of the mother all slid into place. OB Park was a professional, though; sure, somewhere beneath the scrubs he got the shivers when the little Jungho stared at him with the little, toothless mouth open. But OB proceeded to follow the usual sequence of care. Jungho was washed, weighed, attributed to the Min family, and then laid on the chest of the poor, bloodless woman. She was pumped with painkillers so much that they doubted about letting her feed at first. But even then, Jungho refused the breast. He just kept screaming, tirelessly, so loudly that the morning nurse came to the room thinking something horrible had happened. Father, Jungho Kim senior, finally made it and went absolutely pale upon seeing the state of his wife. The doctors witnessed the swift movie of emotions sliding across his face, and through his brain: horror, empathy, blind rage at first, undirected at anyone; and then finally joy about the baby, and in a second - confusion and worry. He asked if the newborn child is supposed to produce such sounds. Nobody hurt him; the baby was healthy; a bit smaller than they expected, but well within the normal range. Skin was becoming pink; his head was covered with pitch-black hair, and his tiny fingers formed fists. The only eerie things were his endless, uninterrupted, unhappy shrieking. And the gaze, full of terror, staring right into people's eyes.
It went on for the whole first week of his life. Then he suddenly went quiet - and his eyes lost the insidious focus.
From then on he was an agreeable little baby.
1998
Sujin liked calling her son Jung for short, and, as she had been an international journalist before pregnancy, often switched to Jungmann jokingly as it meant "young man" in German which she spoke perfectly.
Jungho Kim senior had a tech business, very often away from home, and he especially appreciated his son named after him. He would often say that at least one Jungho should always keep the mom company. The boy was developing adequately; by his second birthday he could kick the orange ball against the wall very well. Mom was gradually teaching him to clean the room off the toys and say longer phrases. The first word he ever said was "sky", and the parents changed the wallpaper in his room to blue. He seemed to like it a lot. First birthday, of course, was quite uneventful; he still drooled all over his little t-shirt with huge cookies and chocolate chips. A year later, he woke up in a bit of a bad mood and looked around like he did when he wanted something. Mom invited friends of the family, a couple of kids from the nieghbourhood; they had red misty glasses for lemonade, and the cake was passed around on colourful paper plates. Jungho was already capable of understanding that he was being celebrated. When the adults sat in half-circle and took other kids onto their laps, and sang the birthday song, Jungho suddenly went very dark.
He crossed his arms on his chest and at first looked at his mom angrily. Someone laughed; his eyebrows were getting thick, and they looked funny.
"I am Yoongi", he said.
The room went quiet for a second.
"No-o, you are Kim Jungho", his mother chanted softly. But the boy wouldn't have it. It took all the parents a couple of minutes to realise that Jungho did not pick up that name from a movie or off a jar of honey; there were no cartoons with the characters named Yoongi, and in the books he was read, the stories were always about a Fox, an Elephant, a Dog or a Whale.
He was frustrated with Sujin not taking him seriously, and the birthday party quickly turned into a domestic horror. He fell on the floor; with the zeal of a four year old who is starting to discover desires and boundaries, he was banging fists on the carpet, tears spraying out of his eyes in jet streams.
"I am Yoongi! I am Yoongi! I am Yoongi! I am Yoongi!"
He wouldn't stop, just like when he was born. The poor boy has become so exhausted in two hours that he could barely keep his eyes open. His parents were extremely worried. He refused water, cake, hugs. As his father carried him to bed, he kept muttering "I am Yoongi I am Yoongi I am Yoongi" feverishly. He would not say anything else. He was clearly fighting his own body that was submitting to sleep.
A doctor came round and found no fever or poisoning, or inflammation. When Jungho woke up the next morning, he stopped reacting to his name. It was a blood-freezing callback to his state when he just came to the world. The same gaze. Piercing, non-childish, focused. Even vengeful. He wouldn't do anything or answer anything if he was called Jungho, no matter how much his parents pleaded.
Several days later they gave up. They looked at each other; father's eye was twitching. And suddenly thought - well, so what? Whether he is Jungho or Yoongi, what does it matter? He is still our only son. They tried it. Yoongi sounded alien, a bit colder, bluer than Jungho. Jungho senior shrugged; his son wanted to be Yoongi. So they used Yoongi. They gave it some time and tried Jungho over months, but every time the boy ignored that word like it didn't exist to him anymore.
Eventually, a year later, they legally changed his name to Yoongi Min. It didn't sound bad at all.
2006
Yoongi excelled at school but had troubles with his behaviour. By ten, he started displaying signs of conduct disorder, or rather even, behavioural abnormalities that weren't yet alarming enough to call specialists. Distracted and a bit lazy in one class, he would get diabolically focused in another, and there was no pattern to it. One day he loved biology and hated PE, the next, he couldn't stand English but wanted to do more literature. If called upon or disturbed during his focus episodes, he would throw a fit and swing his fists around, so sincerely offended that someone entered his personal space, that the volume reached critical. More and more often Yoongi wasn't able to regulate his emotions; when something upset him, he would scream; when something made him happy, he would scream, too. When angry, he invented new words to curse with, like "unfathomaginable", and his parents quietly suspected he might be a very disturbed genius, or going through some trauma he wasn't talking about. He made friends quickly and forgot about them the next day; in his school backpack he always had at least three books from home that he frantically switched between during the recesses. School psychologist said he was hyperactive and -reactive, and needed more discipline. Yet discipline wasn't necessarily the problem: he liked his bed tucked and made, always woke up at the same time, and listened well to his parents. He did not have attachment issues, loyal and loving to his mom and dad, but sometimes way too independent in his own choices. Peace was what he lacked. As he was growing, it seemed like something inside of him always threatened to burst; it was bubbling just beneath his skin; he had too much energy, or none at all. They took him to basketball, and he liked it. Shortest in the team, with the round head that spun seemingly all 360 degrees, he was actually the fastest. He made his legs work mercilessly, running the whole time. His knees were excellent for jumping, he compensated for his height with the incredible bursts of power that he put into his throws. Dad insisted that Yoongi goes to the public swimming pool too, and learns to swim. He even went with him once and watched as his son makes laps tirelessly, there and back, there and back, and then just suddenly snaps and goes to the bottom like a rock.
He started getting depressed. Yoongi liked doing homework and always did more; he started getting twitches and ticks, his eyes running all over the room as if he wanted to consume more information. He read all the books that he could find in his parents' home library; scanned the pages of economics manuals blindly even though he didn't understand anything. He was getting nightmares that made him shriek in the middle of the night, and often Jungho senior, who weirdly never stopped thinking about himself as such, had to give prolonged explanations of the difference between dream and reality. When Yoongi had one, he would wake up completely glassy eyed, with the expression that no parent wants to see. It was full of suffering, as if he lived each of those nightmares in full, and managed to become old inside that dream, and then was forced to go back. He would insist he saw extinctions, asteroids falling on Earth, people killing each other, the roar of fire. They stopped showing him any movies for a while, suspecting that each impression, each creative idea, Yoongi absorbed like a sponge, and his nervous system wasn't capable of handling it.
After a year of this, they finally took him to a specialist, and the doctor said Yoongi seems too smart for his age, too sensitive, with disregulation of emotions, very acute ADHD and nictophobia. The medication he prescribed didn't work; it only made Yoongi distracted and cranky at school.
He kept telling his parents about the dreams of space, the dangers of pulsars and the irresponsibility of people. Jungho senior frantically searched through his books for one where Yoongi could read about such atrocities. Yoongi got absolutely fixated on pulsars and kept talking about them, knowing little, understanding very vaguely what they are, but talking nevertheless.
He liked birds.
In the most boring classes, when he managed to have a good day, he drew birds in his notebooks. Some teachers collected those pages to complain to his parents. Sujin especially liked it when Yoongi drew hummingbirds.
He was seemingly good at everything, and nothing at the same time; he would read a book and talk about it like he understood the underlying ideas, too mature for a ten year old; and the next day, if mother brought it up again, Yoongi couldn't remember the names of the main characters.
He was a beautiful, forgetful, very passionate child. His parents were in love with him and suffered the most because of the nightmares that absolutely ruined all his nights.
Once he finally managed to distantly articulate what it feels like inside his head, he said,
"It's like something is leaking".
2011
It was always his birthday. Every year, some shit would happen that would completely ruin the day. Yoongi disliked his birthdays for that reason and stopped celebrating when he turned thirteen. On the thirteenth of June in 2011, he just spent all day in his room. Dad said mom has always been too lenient with him, spoiling, making too many exceptions for him. She would, for example, never make him go to school on his birthdays. Since he was born in the early morning, he would always get in a bad mood even before he woke up.
That year was especally weird, and maybe even heavy, though.
The first hour, he was unresponsive.
He lay in bed in the same position as she saw him last night, half-turned on his back, with his eyes open, staring into the ceiling. Mouth slightly open, the breath was coming out, but he ignored all her attempts at talking. Sujin got worried really quick; she was by now very used to springing into action immediately. She yanked his shoulder, and Yoongi thrahsed in bed like a sock doll. He didn't blink. Then she noticed how tense his throat is; she pulled down the blanket and saw his fists clenched. Teeth gritted so hard that jaw went blade-sharp. His thighs were tense, like the whole body went into shock.
She fell on the way to the kitchen, to the phone. Jungho, it's something neurotoxic. Maybe he was bitten by an insect, the window above his bed is open all the time. Maybe it's some gas from the street, she didn't know, but if he is paralyzed, his lungs will stop functioning soon and he will choke.
She called the ambulance. Father left the office and took the taxi home. The city was full of traffic; hot summer made people faint in parks. Trees stood withered along the streets, there was no rain in weeks. Ambulance took thirty minutes to arrive, and Jungho came even later. But what the doctors witnessed was not a paralyptic kid in bed; now he sat on the floor in his room, tugging himself by the hair, with his distressed mother holding him.
He kept whispering "What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck" with the same frequency as he once took up about his name. He was having a mental breakdown. Stood up - and fell. He did not see his own room; he was hospitalized and put to sleep with sedatives. Poor mother. He was such a beautiful child, with so much potential that was incarcerated in his head aimlessly.
He slept for two days now, still refusing to communicate.
When he finally woke up, his bed was surrounded by balloons that his classmates had brought. The word in school was, Yoongi had been bitten by an encephalitis bearing tick and now would either soon become a vegetable, or a superhero.
He became neither. Yoongi demanded a pen and a notebook and was ferociously writing the whole day, snapping every time mom or dad tried to look. He kept writing, sometimes muttering "what the fuck" through his teeth. His girlfriend came round to see how he was doing, and he said he didn't remember dating her. She got very offended and broke up with him, and he looked sincerely surprised that he was dating someone at all.
"Aren't your schools intense as hell", he asked his mom, "how did I have time for a girlfriend?"
The only good thing that came out of that event was that Yoongi seemingly finally grew out of his episodes.
He became overall more closed-up and less sociable, but at least nightmares did not make him scream anymore.
He would come to the breakfast table and observe his parents like they were respected fellow colleagues, and talk about space. Space was his favourite, right after birds and basketball.
At sixteen, after years of unimaginable mental anguish, he finally managed to streamline his attention towards the things he wanted to do: science. Sports. And writing. In one year, he has written thousands of pages of something he never let anybody see under the fear of volcanic rage. He muttered to himself. From under the door, the parents could hear he was talking to himself. About career. And about planes. About pulsars. And somebody named Jimin.
2016
He called his mom every day. Yoongi clung to his parents, sometimes with such urgency as if something bad had happened. If he hadn't got the scholarship in America, he would have stayed living with them until the end of times. Sometimes he struggled to make his own breakfast. At eighteen, on his birthday, naturally, he started having migraines. So sometimes he was half-blind all day. The only reason he managed to cope with his studies in MIT was that he seemed to orient naturally in sciences like he invented and discovered them all. Did tests asleep. Knew all the answers to all the tricky questions. Breezed through the first year, getting piles of extracurricular work from teachers who noticed his spark and now wanted to milk a pioneer out of him.
Nobody knew what's going on inside the warzone of his brain, and the only hook he had to peace was calling home. He would tell her about every bird he met that day. What colour were the wings, and the length of the tail, and how it soared above and how jealous he was. He said he was scared of the coming birthday. She asked why.
"I am turning twenty", he replied. Sujin kindly chuckled. Maturity, adulthood, it's always scary.
"No", he cut her off, "it's the fifth year again".
She long gave up trying to pull the clear answers out of him. With time, she has worked out the wisdom to be grateful that Yoongi is so attached to her and Jungho. That he still trusts them enough to tell them about the incoherent dreams, and pains, and fears that have no basis in reality.
"You can always come home", she reminded him, "America shall wait. Nobody will expel you even if you skip a week".
He said it doesn't matter whether he lies comatose at home or at the dorms in Illinois. Then he started rambling that everything is going not according to the plan, and that he needs to find some Taehyung; no, scratch that, actually he isn't interested in Taehyung. But he needs to find something, and after he finds that something, he will find the guilty party who will answer for all this mess, and when that party is found, he will... he will...
"What will you do?" Sujin asked, just playing along.
"I will write them a very long letter!"
He gasped into the phone.
"And maybe tear their heads off. Because I know the conversation was about fours. Fours", he grumbled.
Yoongi did not know that his parents had become somewhat of a head unit in expertise on schizophrenia. He did not know that some of the methods they used to regulate his moods, were schizophrenia-adjacent therapy. That the vitamins they tried giving im when he was sixteen, was the antipsychosis medication. That only made him throw up for three days. As the years passed, Sujin had less and less confidence that it was schizophrenia. Yoongi did not suffer from constant voices in his head; or hallucinations; the katatonic states only happened on his birthdays, every year, like a clock. Birthday syndrome. He never drank; never tried doing drugs; all the drugs in his body were always the meds his concerned parents tried on him, that always failed. It was like he had an inherent aversion to substances, never tried alcohol at parties and wasn't interested in weed until he moved to America and met the local students.
He confessed to his mother that weed actually helped with migraines and even calmed down his brain a little at times.
"Why is the fifth year important?" she asked. "You have hard time every birthday".
"It gets progressively worse", he complained.
"But usually?"
Interrogating him about it was like wandering in the darkness.
"Usually it's just noise and a lot, a lot of... complicated thougths".
"Like what?"
Yoongi sighed deeply. The bedsheets whispered into the phone.
"Why did I do this to myself..."
"It's not your fault, Yoongi, never was. You are very different from the others".
That warranted a colourful chuckle.
"You have no idea. I miss you".
Sujin always started sobbing when he said stuff like that.
"I miss you too, and I love you very much".
He's been getting very mature, very serious lately. His voice, it was acquiring depth and calmness that you usually hear in people who are preparing to die. Sujin didn't think anything like that would happen, but her heart hasn't been peaceful in at least ten years.
"You and Jungho, you are very patient people, you know".
She frowned.
"It's dad".
"Yea, I mean. Yeah. You and dad".
On his birthday, he went no contact and only called after seven days. He couldn't stop laughing into the phone, hysterically, exclaiming something about balloons, fucking balloons, star-crossed enemies.
2024
"Accuracy. Ten out of ten", he muttered, "even all the hobbies. Even the books".
The phone recording him, lying on the table, reflected the lamp standing above his head.
"But assholes, we made an error in the clamp in neurotransmitter number..." he laughed in an evil way, leafing through his notebook. "Wa-ait, I will find it. I will fucking find it. You think it was necessary to upload even the names and numbers of neurotransmitters? You think I wouldn't have survived without this fucking information? If you wanted me to open the hole, Yoongi, maybe you should've come here yourself".
He paused, staring at his pages, realising the fallacy of his anger.
"Anyway, for the future reference, it's the NHG neurotransmitter number eighteen. It just. Shot through, and instead of four parts, all memories got broken down into yearly pieces. Thanks for that".
He was getting awful blisters on his index finger from writing like a madman every day, and for some reason, never learnt to enjoy typing shit on the computer. Working on it was perfectly fine - but he didn't like writing reports, memories or messages with the keyboard. It scared him irrationally, as if he was losing a part of himself. And having himself - that was vital.
The night before his birthday he broke up with his situationship who was unhappy anyway. He was unfit for dating. Couldn't give that devotion that women need. Or men. Everybody needs commitment, it's what humans find comfort in. Yoongi has always been all over the place, and for the first time in his life, he was excited to find out why. He knew by now that tomorrow, there will be the last upload ever.
In fact he was incredibly happy, even if scared a little. He did not know what that last chip was. Maybe that his mission on this planet was to start a genocide. Maybe that he was actually a spawn of the devil. But after tomorrow - no more noise. No more nightmares. No more paralysis. Just one more stamp to tear off, - and he is free one way or another. Free to finally do what he had sent himself to do here: work with plasma. Solve equations. Open the door. Perfect the M-theory. Make history. And marry?
He went to sleep fully knowing that the next week will be hell for him. He tried to get enough sleep before eight o'clock in the morning, ready for the last dash. He kept the alien faces of his friends in his mind, wondering if the coming morning will finally fill the void in his chest.
He was itching to love something, or somebody; he had a good suspicion, with everything he has recalled now, that it all came down to something very simple.
──────── · · · ────────
When you were little, you and Jungkook, you gathered an impressive collection of stones from the beach. It was just one hour away from the city, and parents took you often. At some point, maybe after you left for university, it went missing. Most likely mom got rid of it. But it was a bit harrowing how a large collection of beach stones, pink, milky, bluish, yellow, grey, red and black, just disappeared one day. Poof. Gone. Years of work collecting, picking, fighting over, drying them with your shirts and wetting them again.
Strange how, when a disaster happens, everything just instantaneously vanishes. This is how Jungkook's first girlfriend died. Standing on the pavement, then, a mass of metal and drunkenness swept her away in less than a second, and she was nowhere to be found.
He didn't speak to mom for weeks when the stones disappeared, and he never spoke about Ryu at all after her death.
He was finely attuned to grief. And didn't make fun of you when you couldn't stop crying.
He just loaded you into the car and took you to the sea again. The weather was now better, stable. When you didn't want to leave as the night came, you just slept in his black KIA and had breakfast from the nearest fast-food place.
Your ass hurt sitting on the stones, then went numb.
You wished your confusion would do the same. Slide into numbness, turn into incredulousness, and in the end, dissipate like an awkward misunderstanding.
You told him several times he can't do skipping stones in these waves, but Jungkook didn't back down. One by one, he picked just about every more or less flat stone and threw it into the water, and you watched. He was crawling closer to you again, rubbing his elbow.
"I have to go to work tomorrow..." he said, showing his teeth against the wind. Mauve hour gave his skin pleasant tan. There were a lot of milky stones around.
"And you, too. Unless you've decided to live on this beach like a homeless person?"
He crash-landed next to you on his ass and regretted it immediately.
"Let's go home".
"We can watch sunset".
"What are you chewing?"
He drew a plastic pack from his trousers pocket. It was sour jellies, and you shook your head no.
After a while, you began again, like a broken record, the thing you've said a thousand times over these two days.
"I just don't get it, I don't... who would blow it up? What has happened?"
"I think it was to do with that burned encyclopedia", Jungkook said seriously, "it was a premonition of sorts. A warning".
"From who?"
"Physics".
He picked up a stone and licked it. Then threw it in the water.
"You think the wormhole was volatile?"
"Their air?"
"Someone did it?"
He shrugged.
"Could be anything".
His eyes were scanning the unobservable vastness of the sea in front.
"You're thinking something", you nudged him angrily.
"What I'm thinking is too out there".
"Oh man, but the wormhole leading into another fucking dimension where futuristic alien people live, isn't?"
He pursed his lips, finally annoyed with you. The wind lovingly moved the curls on his forehead.
"What is it, what, you think something reacted with something? Like in Fly?"
"You know Standard Model, right?"
"More or less", you squirmed, trying to remember the details. Also, it was too fresh. Yoongi must know everything about it. He knows about the developed version of it. It's too raw.
"How there are protons, and positrons, and then if there's an electron, there's also a selectron".
You employed all your brain, but all it could do now was scream. Tear itself apart. You went back to the holding mode.
"Maybe their whole universe is made of antimatter", Jungkook said. "Maybe Yoongi sent something that he wasn't supposed to".
"In that case the very first book would've destroyed everything, since it's antimatter".
Your brother shrugged.
"Life field theory. Only living cells react".
"That's not anti-antimatter then".
You saw he was just as heartbroken as you. Something very precious was taken away from him. He was looking at the sea with his lower lip protruding, with a slight pout, like he was waiting for a ship to show up, and it wasn't coming.
You watched the sunset that seemed unusually beautiful, like it was a compensation. The clouds softly blended, letting the sun radiation slide around them, changing colours.
Driving away from the beach felt like you both gave something up, like you lost and came to terms with it and retreated tucking the tails under.
And the worst thing was, the pictures of Tang and smeraldo flowers were still on your kitchen table, against the flower vase.
In the morning of the next day, you were getting dressed for work, and your eye kept falling back on them like they were a gravestone.
It was stupid. Stupid, right, to cry yourself to sleep over this. Over the electric :) you'll never see again.
You got off the bus on the Pacho-ro to walk to the office past the place of explosion.
Three days later, it was still cordoned off with the yellow barriers, and the crater itself was covered with some fucking - you didn't know, you were tired of constantly thinking, analyzing, building theories, you were tired. It was fucking covered. Because a girl died in that booth, they said it blew up when she entered.
You slowed down around the barriers without noticing, your eyes on the ugly grey bulge on the ground. They haven't even brought the scaffolding for the tall glass building to fix the windows.
The mix of variegated people slid in and out of your vision field. The sun was hidden away behind thin clouds on top of the guardian trees. In between the moving bodies, somebody waved at you.
We always think that someone is waving at us if they are located on the direct line of view. You looked behind your shoulder, expecting to see someone waving back.
They stood there, while other people floated around, busy and a little faster in the morning, before the office hour started.
You craved coffee, and this person was half way to the coffeeshop on the other side of the street. The tropical-banana-palm place closed down for now, because all the glass was blown up inside it.
He waved again and then started moving towards you, and you took out an earbud to make absolutely sure there is no one else engaged around.
This guy beelined towards you, simple black t-shirt and jeans. Your female brain started profiling him immediately. Dark long hair tucked away behind his ears, and with a pair of eyes that seemed to shine even from ten steps away. He suddenly looked happy, incredibly happy, and it infected you before you could decide for yourself.
You knew, you knew this wasn't the end. This was all a lie, a performance, and by now you couldn't be sure if it's good, bad, neutral, embarrassing. He just ambushed you, and you were too caught off guard to react.
The last thing you saw were his soft features. Trustworthy, smart face with a childish grin that exposed his square teeth. Then he crashed on you, grabbing you in a hug, and then you knew.
Not how, or what the fuck, or where from, or by what means - he smelt like Yoongi. He moaned into your ear like Yoongi. His hand grabbing you by the shoulder looked like the hand that could produce incredibly organised, straight lines of text. He called your name several times with the joy which you thought had been locked away forever.
The sheer whiplash made you press yourself into him, your mouth agape, and the collar of his shirt got in between your teeth. He even tasted like Yoongi.
"How", you gasped, "how... how..."
Like an owl.
His face was hopping in front of you, and he was so much more good-looking than you imagined that it was infuriating. The pulsation in your head screamed, and all feelings streamlined, like colours, into one ray of white confusion, albeit pleasant.
"You... through the blast..."
"No, I waited", he chuckled, almost tearfully, "I waited for a while", and he laughed again, and then the mouth closed up on you and kissed.
It was like soaring and drowning at the same time; your head went dizzy.
"Where-Have-You-Been?!" he yelled then, holding your head in his hands like in a pillory. Your lips burned. "I thought you were fucking dead!"
You batted your eyes. Your brain was working ashamedly slowly.
"We went away to sea with Jungkook", you uttered. You were consumed completely by studying him. His strong neck. His full cheeks. He couldn't be older than thirty, at the very worst. His eyes in the shape of a smile. His mouth was so full, panting, curved elegantly.
"What the hell", you whispered.
"Oh, okay, I've been looking for you for a week, I tried to prevent the explosion, but guess it's destiny? It happened at a different time now..."
Oh, he yapped a lot, too. His mouth was comparatively smaller on his face, and the more he grimaced, the cuter he got, with two absolutely round nostrils, like a big, begrudged cat.
You touched his hair, tugged on a strand, trying it in between your fingers.
"Are all people in your dimension so handsome?" you asked, feeling incredibly stupid.
"Oh, no", his palm wrapped around yours. It was warm. You finally started listening to him.
"I'm a local. I live in San Francisco".
"I don't get it", you mumbled.
"That's alright", his arm wrapped firmly around your shoulder, and he guided you into the completely different direction from your office.
In different circumstances such vapid affection wouldn't be allowed even from your brother. Even from Hanadi. But you were completely mesmerized by him, by the part of you that would not adhere to any physical, logical, rational description; you were instantly in love with him, gaping up at his face with your lower jaw completely unhinged.
"I will tell you, alright?" he placed a kiss on your temple, long, wet, maybe leaving a hickey.
"I can't believe we did it", he hopped as he walked, his hips moving too much, so you had to adjust to his stride. Your fingers clutched onto his pale narrow wrist, but looked comically small compared to his large palm, relaxed but closed over your collarbone.
"Yoongi?" you tried his name out loud. He looked at you with those dark, intensely focused eyes that betrayed something uncontrollable in him.
"You got a book for me today?" he asked.
You both stopped, because you pulled on your bag. He refused to let go of you, hooking his finger around the ears of the tote bag, as if he was afraid something would yank you away.
You never took out the book, couldn't bring yourself to take it out, and then forgot. You showed him the Lost Birthday.
He finally broke contact to take it with both hands, like it was something completely sacred. As he lowered his head to stare at the beige cover with a green dragon, his black bangs were let loose over his face.
"This book has one story about a princess who went crazy about the moon and was crying every night because her father couldn't get it for her birthday", you said quietly.
He looked again at you, milky smooth face, his two eyes - each a half of the moon.
"Didn't want it bad enough", he smiled.
You finally caught up, registering that this is, in fact, Mr. Physics with the electric handwriting, only, in flesh - so you touched his throat, warm and with tiny, soft hairs on the back, and he didn't pull away. He blinked slowly, shut up and stared at you. Then you pulled him again, placing the book flat in between you.
You were raised behind locked doors, hidden from a world that was never supposed to know your name. But secrets have a way of finding the wrong people, and when Jeon Jungkook does, your freedom comes with a ring... and a war.
Pairing : mafia! JK x f.reader
Genre : mafia au, political marriage, secret heir, syndicate, dark romance, secrets, drama, angst, eventual smut, dark themes, drugs, underworld syndicate.
Taglist : @nayutalvr @jungkookgoodlookin @zaf3ira @celest-pluto @prxdajeon @firstdivisiongirl @jksusawife @tremendousstarlighttragedy @mar-lo-pap @pomichodai-jk-bts-apobangpo @rainandmatcha @foreveramy7 @broimfineasf @baewogo
⋆༺𓆩☠︎︎𓆪༻⋆
You stirred under the thick duvet, your mind foggy until the quiet sound of soft rustling caught your attention.
Hesitantly, you peeked out from under the edge of the blanket. Standing near the full-length vanity mirror was Jungkook. He was already fully dressed in a crisp black shirt and sharp trousers, his broad back turned to you as his long, tattooed fingers skillfully adjusted his silk tie. Through the mirror, his pitch-black eyes were locked directly onto your face, watching you wake up.
The memories of last night instantly hit you.
With a sharp gasp and a face burning bright crimson, you yanked the blanket back over your head, burying yourself completely into the darkness of the mattress. Every tiny movement made a dull ache radiate through your lower half—your ass was sore and burning.
A moment of silence hung in the room. the sound of his footsteps clicked against the floor, coming straight toward the bed.
The mattress dipped heavily beside your hip. Your eyes went wide under the blanket.
Before you could scramble away, Jungkook reached out and smoothly pulled the duvet off your head. The cool morning air hit your flushed face. His warm fingers gently brushed a few stray strands of messy hair off your forehead, his touch surprisingly soft.
"Turn over," he murmured, his voice low and raspy with morning depth.
You looked up at him in utter confusion, clutching the sheets tightly against your collarbone.
"Y/N," he repeated, his pitch-black eyes softening just a fraction as he looked down at your embarrassed face. "Turn over."
His voice wasn't harsh or demanding like it had been during your punishment. It was quiet, steady, and unexpectedly gentle—yet it carried that natural authority that made it impossible for you to refuse.
Your cheeks burned a vivid crimson as the memories of last night flashed back into your mind—the intensity in his dark eyes, the sound of the running shower, and the way he had relentlessly watched you while jerking himself off. Biting your bottom lip to swallow a squeal, you slowly turned over onto your stomach as he asked.
Your head snapped up immediately, wide-eyed, as his large hand reached down to gently slide your panties past your thighs. Before panic could set in, Jungkook reached for a small tube of soothing ointment from the nightstand.
He squeezed a cool dab onto his fingers and slowly began applying it over your sore skin. The sudden cold touch against your burning marks made you let out a long sigh of relief.
A smirk tugged at the corner of his lips as his fingers spread the cream, soothing the deep red handprints he had left behind.
You clutched the silk sheets tightly, completely mesmerized by how surprisingly gentle he was being. His long fingers traced the tender curves of your skin with agonizing slowness. A helpless moan slipped from your lips as his fingertips dragged lightly down toward the sensitive rim of your ass cheeks, touching you in places no one else had ever did. he pressed his thumb in between your ass cheeks, applying pressure as he circled your rim.
Your eyelids fluttered shut.
Jungkook didn't miss the subtle shift—the way you instinctively arched into his touch, your whole body softening and surrendering to him without a fight.
"Like it?" he whispered, his deep voice humming in the quiet room.
You nodded eagerly, opening your eyes to look back at him over your shoulder. A faint softness touched his features as he continued to rub the ointment back on your ass. He teased slowly by dragging his fingers down your ass to your rim and then dragging it back all the way up.
Every time his fingers grazed your rim, you let out a sigh and arch your back into the bed and lift your ass towards him as invitation.
"Remember this punishment the next time you decide to talk behind my back," he murmured softly.
A wicked thought bloomed deep inside your chest.
You wanted to do it again.
The sheer thrill of being manhandled by him, driving him so hard with desire that he lost his composure, only for him to tend to you like this afterward... You wanted to push his buttons over and over just to feel this again.
His index finger trailed a slow, agonizing path down ass rim, sliding lower and lower toward your pussy. Your hips instinctively lifted into the air, a shaky breathless whine escaping your throat as his knuckle lightly brushed against the warm slickness pooling down your pussy. His fingers rubbed against your wet folds, spreading the wetness around your nub and watched how your body arched at every touch of his. But just as your breath hitched in anticipation, he dragged his hand back up, lightly teasing the rim of your center once before pulling his hand away completely.
The abrupt loss of his touch made a loud and needy whine erupt from your chest.
Jungkook chuckled softly, wiping his fingers on a tissue. "So impatient, aren't we, Mrs. Jeon?"
He pulled back and stood up to his full intimidating height.
You tilted your head up to take him in. Dressed in his sharp, charcoal suit, he looked every bit like the dangerous monster the world feared—a monster that was somehow yours, a man who derived his immense power from the very ring on your finger.
Ignoring the trembling weakness in your legs, you slowly slid off the bed and walked straight up to him. Reaching up with steady hands, you unraveled his tie, silently correcting the knot that was slightly askew.
Jungkook’s pitch-black eyes burned down into yours, completely captivated by the quiet intimacy of the gesture, the effortless way your soft fingers worked over his collar.
Without a word, his large hands shot out and gripped your hips, hauling you forward until your body was slammed flush against his hard torso. You gasped softly at the sudden impact. Leaning down, he buried his face in the crook of your neck, taking a deep inhale of your sweet vanilla scent.
Your stomach flipped. It was obvious now, your scent anchored him, it made his chaotic senses calm down.
Finishing the knot, your hands slowly slid down the solid planes of his chest, lingering over his heartbeat. Jungkook looked down at you, his dark eyes completely lost in yours. He tilted his head, leaning in with open desire to claim your lips.
You instinctively tilted your head up to receive him, but instead of taking your mouth, he paused, a tender smile breaking across his face as he planted a lingering kiss on your flushed cheek instead.
He stepped back and smiled at how you were blushing.
You stared at him, breathless.
You had never seen him smile like that before—so genuine, warm, and breathtakingly handsome that it made your heart stutter in your chest. by a single smile of his, an overwhelming thought echoed in your mind,
you were going to do whatever it took to make him smile like that again.
------
After Jungkook left for work, you walked downstairs, your steps lighter than they had been in weeks. A persistent blush lingered on your cheeks.
Taking the hot tray of tea from a hesitant maid in the hallway, you gave her a reassuring smile and made your way toward the quiet wing of the estate. You were determined to try again with Madam Jeon.
As you stepped into the high-ceilinged drawing room, you found his grandmother standing motionless in front of a massive, gold-framed portrait. The painting depicted a sharp, regal man with Jungkook’s very same piercing dark eyes, standing proudly beside a beautiful, gentle-looking woman. His parents.
You hesitated, walking up to stand a polite distance beside her.
Madam Jeon didn't turn to look at you. Her posture was rigid, her face set in a stern line as she stared at the canvas.
"Do you know it's been fifteen years since Jungkook smiled on his birthday?"
Her voice shattered the silence, catching you completely off guard. You snapped your head over to look at her in shock and confusion.
"After the death of his parents, he never once smiled," she continued softly, though her tone remained cold and measured. "Least of all on his birthday. And today, I saw him smiling as he walked out of this house. After fifteen long years... he smiled."
Today was his birthday?
Your eyes widened, a sharp pang hitting your chest. "It's... it's his birthday today?"
Madam Jeon finally turned her head, her aging eyes locking onto yours. "He is greedy for power," she said, pointing a trembling finger toward the portrait of her son. "He is restoring the very syndicate his father built. He is sitting on the exact same seat his father died in, hunting down the people who murdered him!"
She paused to take a breath as her eyes burned into yours.
"Just like his father—whose blind ambition led both himself and his wife to an early grave—Jungkook is walking down the exact same path," she rasped.
Your hands trembled. The delicate porcelain teacup on the wooden tray rattled.
"I thought I would lose him to this ridiculous quest for power too, but..." Madam Jeon trailed off, her eyes searching your confused pale face. "His mother died because of his father's world. And his father died because of that bloody seat. What if that is your future, too? To die beside him in the crossfire? What will you do then?"
Your eyes watered slightly. An ache tightened around your heart as her words sank in.
Fifteen years. How much pain, blood, and cold isolation must he have carried on his broad shoulders to go fifteen whole years without a single real smile?
A protective warmth flared deep inside your chest, drowning out every bit of fear you had left.
"I will die by his side if I must."
The words escaped your lips before your brain could even process them. But as the quiet statement echoed through the room, you didn't regret a single syllable.
You met Madam Jeon’s stunned gaze with unwavering determination, your hands steadying around the heavy tray.
"Grandmother, I will die with him if I have to," you repeated, your voice ringing clear and strong. "But for as long as we both breathe, I promise you... I will keep him happy.”
Madam Jeon stared at you in absolute silence, her sharp, weathered eyes searching your face for any sign of hesitation, fear, or deceit. But there was none. Your chin was lifted, your posture straight, and your eyes burned with an unwavering light.
For the first time since you had crossed the threshold of the Jeon estate, the bitter and icy line of her mouth softened—just a fraction.
Slowly, she reached out with a trembling, ring-adorned hand and gently touched your wrist.
"You fool," she murmured softly, though the bite in her voice had completely vanished. "You sound just like his mother. She said those exact same words to me twenty years ago." She let out a ragged exhale, looking back up at the grand portrait. "And look where it got her."
"I am not his mother, Grandmother," you said quietly, your tone respectful yet unyielding. "And Jungkook is not his father. He won't let history repeat itself.”
You turned and left the room with a silent ache forming in your chest.
°
Before heading down for dinner, you realized something was missing. You wanted to give him something tangible—something he could wear every day to remember that he had a home to come back to.
Leaving the estate with one guard, you headed to the mall in the city. After browsing through several luxury shops, you finally found the perfect gift. A luxury watch paired with a rich silk tie that matched his suits. Satisfied, you took the items to the counter to pay.
As the cashier began ringing up your purchases, a commotion at the counter next to yours caught your attention.
"I'm sorry, sir, but the transaction was declined again," the shop owner said, looking at the young man with a polite expression. "Do you have another card?"
"That's impossible, try it one more time please," a familiar voice pleaded. The man was nervously running a hand through his hair, his shoulders tense as he panicked over his wallet.
Your eyes widened slightly as you recognized him. "Jimin?"
He snapped his head toward you, his tense expression instantly melting into absolute shock. "Y/N? What are you doing here?"
"Shopping," you smiled warmly, stepping up to his counter before he could scramble to find cash. You pulled out your own black card and handed it directly to the cashier. "Put his items on my bill as well, please."
"Wait, Y/N, no—you don't have to do that!" Jimin protested quickly, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment as he tried to stop the clerk. "It's fine, I can just come back later!"
"Consider it as a favour or token of our friendship," you giggled softly, taking the receipt and the shopping bags from the clerk. "Besides, what are friends for?"
Jimin stood there for a second, completely stunned, before a genuine smile broke across his face, his eyes crinkling into those familiar crescents.
"I really don't know what I did to deserve meeting someone like you in this city," Jimin murmured softly, shaking his head as he accepted his bag from you. His gaze glided down to the luxury watch box tucked into your shopping bag. "That looks expensive. Buying a gift for your husband?"
"Yeah," you confessed, a faint blush warming your cheeks as you held the bag a little closer to your chest. "It's his birthday today.”
Jimin’s eyes widened in genuine surprise, a small gasp escaping his lips. "It's my birthday too!"
"Really?!" Your eyes widened with delight. "Then what are you doing wandering around a mall alone instead of celebrating?"
Jimin let out a quiet, self-deprecating laugh, raising his shopping bag as you both began walking out toward the main atrium. "Buying myself a gift, of course. I usually buy myself something nice every year. It’s become a bit of a tradition."
"Oh! Then consider that item my birthday gift to you!" you chimed, a bright, bubbly smile lighting up your face. "And oh no, we need to celebrate it properly! As your friend, I'm not letting you off the hook."
Jimin looked at you, a soft, genuine warmth blooming deep in his chest. "You really don't have to do that, Y/N."
"I definitely have to!" you insisted playfully. "Though... today I already have big plans for my husband. So, how about I take you out to celebrate your birthday tomorrow instead?"
"You really don't—"
You instantly held up your palm, shooting him a strict, playful look that made him raise his hands in defeat.
"Okay, okay! My friend, I surrender," he chuckled, shaking his head fondly. He glanced around the bustling floor of the mall. "Well... is your husband here with you? I’d actually love to meet him. I want to tell him face-to-face just how lucky he is."
You chuckled softly, shaking your head. "Oh no, he’s always ridiculously busy with work. I think he had to head down to Busan early this morning for some urgent meeting by the ports."
Jimin frowned slightly, his brows knitting together in sympathy. "He needs to learn to enjoy his birthday. That sounds exhausting."
"He really does," you nodded softly, your smile turning gentle and tender. "He hasn't celebrated a single birthday since his parents passed away... That's why I'm so determined to make today unforgettable for him."
Jimin’s cheerful expression faltered for a split second, a strange, unreadable shadow flickering across his eyes before he quickly forced another warm smile onto his face. "All the best with that. He's a lucky guy."
"Hey, wait!" You quickly pulled out your phone, tapping on the screen before handing it to him. "Let's meet tomorrow and celebrate your birthday properly. Type your number in here!”
Jimin typed his number into your phone with a soft smile, handing it back to you. "Text me the time tomorrow, Y/N. Drive home safely."
"I will! See you tomorrow, Jimin!" you called out, waving cheerfully before heading toward the waiting black SUV outside.
The drive back to the Jeon estate was pure excitement. All you could think about was the look on Jungkook’s face when he saw what you had prepared for him.
Once home, you skipped upstairs to change into the emerald silk dress, applied a dash of perfume and immediately got to work setting up the ultimate surprise. You decided against the formal dining room—it felt too grand, too cold. Instead, you took everything out to the back garden.
The garden looked like something straight out of a fairy tale. Soft string lights were woven through the creeping vines of the gazebo, casting a golden glow over the lush green grass. A small glass table stood in the center, adorned with a gorgeous bouquet of black and crimson roses, the sleek luxury watch box, the silk tie, and a delicate, homemade chocolate cake with a single glowing candle in the center.
Max scrambled around your ankles, his tail wagging furiously as he chased fireflies in the grass, his little paws pattering against the stone pathway.
Taking a deep breath to steady your fluttering heart, you pulled out your phone and typed a quick message to your husband.
You : Come to the back garden when you get home. Please.
You set the phone down on the table, smoothing out the folds of your dress as you waited.
The glass doors of the patio slid open.
Jungkook stepped into the back garden, his broad frame framed by the golden light of the string lights. He had his suit jacket slung over his arm, his tie already pulled loose, looking thoroughly worn out.
He froze the moment his eyes took in the scene.
The glowing candles, the red roses, the little present boxes and Max happily trotting around the grass, it all hit him at once. His dark eyes widened in absolute shock, his usual unreadable expression completely shattering.
You stepped out from behind the decorated table, holding the delicate chocolate cake with its single flicker of candlelight. You looked utterly radiant, wearing a soft, cute pastel-pink frock with a dainty bow tucked into your styled hair.
"Happy Birthday!" you called out, your face lit up with the brightest, most genuine smile.
Jungkook just stood there, paralyzed, his dark eyes fixed entirely on you. A faintly amused twitch tugged at the corner of his lips as he tried to process the surreal view before him.
"How... how do you know?" he whispered, his deep voice carrying a trace of raw disbelief.
"I'm sorry I didn't wish you this morning," you muttered, a tiny pout forming on your lips as you held the cake steady.
Jungkook swallowed hard, taking a slow step toward you. "I don't celebrate birthdays, Y/N. You really don't have to—"
"I have to!" you cut him off, your tone fiercely determined as you took a confident step forward, bringing the cake right in front of his broad chest. "Because I am your wife. And that means I am your family now, whether you like it or not. You're not alone anymore, Jungkook."
His heart violently slammed against his ribs at your words. His chest twisted with ache. It had been fifteen long years since anyone had ever spoken to him like that. For the first time since the night his world was bathed in his parents' blood, a strange, overwhelming feeling settled into his soul—the beautiful realization that he finally had someone to come home to. Someone to rely on.
A shaky breath escaped his lips.
"Come on, make a wish!" you chimed, your twinkling eyes practically bouncing with excitement, making him let out a low breathless chuckle.
"A wish?" he repeated, brow raising slightly.
"Yes! Make a wish! Something you really want!"
He smiled softly at your childish enthusiasm. It was so innocent, so pure—it painfully reminded him of his mother back when he was just a little boy.
"My hands are hurting, Jungkook!" you whined, shifting your weight as the cake plate began to feel heavy.
Jungkook lingered, looking down at the flickering flame. "What happens when one makes a wish?"
You let out a dramatic sigh, rolling your eyes fondly. "Mrs. Han, the sweet lady who raised me back at my parents' house, always taught me this! Making a wish before blowing out the candle is the most important part! Ah, come on, my arms are going to fall off!"
Down on the grass, Max let out a sharp, happy woof as if agreeing with you.
Jungkook looked at the little dog, then back at your eager, glowing face. He couldn't believe he was actually about to do this. The concept of making a birthday wish sounded completely absurd and childish to a man who ruled an underworld empire with blood and guns.
Yet, looking into your twinkling eyes, he couldn't help himself.
Slowly, the head of the syndicate closed his dark eyes.
He didn't wish for power. He didn't wish for revenge or money or more territory. He made a quiet selfish wish deep in his possessive heart, he wished that you would stay by his side, no matter what horrors the world threw at them. Even if hell came for them, even after death, he wished you would belong to him forever.
Opening his eyes, he leaned down and softly blew out the single, glowing candle.