I see a lot of mixed or strong feelings about Cas’ confession being ‘not romantic enough’, or too vague to be seen as anything but familial (platonic). That, maybe, Cas just really, ya know, no homo loves this human guy a lot in a very brotherly way—to the point that their bro bond can summon black matter that will engulf Cas and keep them apart for an eternity in an effort to torture them endlessly...
So let’s talk about buddies. I’ll preface this by saying that friends can be extremely close and can love one another. But for the sake of differentiating between ‘types’ of love in limited English vocab, I’m referring to the non-dating, non-spousal, purely platonic, zero-romantic-attraction-to-my-friend type of love.
It’s been no secret that Dean and Cas are friends. Even better, they’re the really close kind; they’re chosen family. But ever since the deal had been made, there had been a lot of tension between them, enough that it was obvious that Cas was unhappy. Therefore, so long as Dean was mad at Cas or vice versa, he was safe from this debt being collected, right?
Then the prayer happened but not even that broke-down-sobbing-in-Purgaytory-apology and reconciliation was enough to summon the Empty. WTH?! Cas was so happy. He even fell into Dean’s arms for an embrace and smiled through tears and they toasted over drinks in the bunker and then they began working together as equals again... Cas had his friendship with Dean restored! So why no Empty?
Because friendship wasn’t what Cas ‘wants but knows he can’t have’. Cas already had the brothers as friends, as family. He had Jack as a son. Cas wanted more than any of that, something that he didn’t think he could have reciprocated.
“I know who you love...” (coughDeancough)
“...what you fear...” (no reciprocation)
An evil entity that wants you to suffer in the cruelest of ways imaginable isn’t going to drag you to nothing unless it can rip you away from the one person you can’t bear to be without. But the Big Bad isn’t out to ruin your bromance. It’s there to break your damn heart and crush your very soul.
This is where it shifts into that romance territory, though I use the word romance cautiously as I know that it, too, can carry varied meaning. We’re talking ‘in it through the thick and thin, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, til death do us part’ unconditional love. A friend that you love that deeply, above all else, is soulmate territory LOVE. Literal mate to your soul, your other half, profound bond level love.
And Dean was singled out here. Always Dean.
And it’s a love for Dean specifically—that Cas wanted in return but thought he could’t have—that had transcended time and space and life and death and everyone and everything. It’s a love that boomerangs them back together no matter how far they part. It’s a love so deep that to lose it should cause Cas a maximum amount of trauma and pain.
And yet when you love someone that much, sometimes you have to selflessly let go, even if it hurts you beyond belief. Cas gave himself the permission to be happy by admitting his truth and in doing so, he got to save Dean Winchester one last time. (Sniff. Pass me a Kleenex, please.)
Don’t get stuck in the vacuum of those 3-4 minutes in ep15x18 to the point that you forget to put the whole of the story—this epically slow slow burn—into perspective. This love story has spanned over a decade and has a wealth of content building up to this verymuchromantic confession.
All of that said, I can’t tell you that your feelings aren’t valid if you still disagree. That’s totally fine. Doesn’t bother me on iota. You’ve got your goggles, I’ve got mine. And to me...
...and not of the brotherly kind. 😉