I’d had enough tossing and turning in my cramped stretcher, so I decided to shuffle around the ER like The Walking Dead instead. After about 10 slow laps, my water bottle was empty and I steered myself towards the water dispenser. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a young woman lying on a stretcher just outside the kitchenette. As I headed inside I did a double-take and realized she looked uncannily familiar. She tilted her head up and stared at me inquisitively. We had hung out in the same circles before.
“What are you doing here, Blair” I asked.
“I don’t know,” she groaned.
As I approached her I realized that she had been restrained. They had tied 5 heavy, duty straps across her body
“Seriously, what the fuck are you doing here?”
“I don’t remember… I did shrooms and now I’m here.”
“Oh shit.”
“Where are we anyway?”
“The Royal Vic.”
“Do you remember how you got here?”
“Uhh… I don’t know.” she replied confused. “I don’t know what’s real and what’s not. I’m probably still tripping.”
“Do you want some water?”
“Please.”
“Fancy seeing you here,” I remarked as I walked into the kitchenette and filled up my water bottle.
“I could say the same thing,” she answered.
I walked back towards her stretcher. Bending down, I carefully poured a stream of water into her mouth.
“What are you doing here anyway?” she inquired.
So I told her an abbreviated version of my solitary kidney story.
“Shit that sucks dude,” she remarked sympathetically. She sat there digesting our current predicament for a few minutes.
“I really need to pee,” said Blair.
“I’ll go ask the orderly for you,” I replied.
I walked up to one of the orderlies.
“My friend needs to use the washroom, but she’s restrained. She’s in C-4”
“Okay, I will ask a nurse,” he answered.
He walked over to the nursing station. Moments later, he returned and untied her. She grasped the back of her hospital gown. The orderly stood a few feet away. I guess he was afraid we’d pull the 21st Century, hospital version of The Great Escape or he just wanted to check out her cute bum.
“Do you want me to tie you up,” I asked.
“Yeah, thanks.”
As I tied up her gown, I glanced down. I couldn’t help myself. Black panties. When you are hospitalized, it’s the little things. I felt like an old perv, but fuck it. We walked together to the washroom. I sat on my stretcher and waited.
“Welcome to my crib,” I remarked as she exited the bathroom.
We sat there for what felt like an eternity. She looked like shit but she was still pretty. To be honest, I don’t know what was going through my head. I felt impulsive. Life just seemed too short to not perform self-gratifying acts. I didn't get the chance to contemplate my next move as the anti-fun police arrived.
“She needs to go back to her stretcher,” said the orderly
“Can’t she just stay here,” I pleaded.
“No,” he replied bluntly.
We got up reluctantly and walked back to her stretcher.
As soon as she sat back down on her stretcher, she started to shiver.
"I’ll go get some blankets for you," I offered.
She nodded. I walked past my stretcher and down the short corridor to where they kept all the extra sheets and blankets. I grabbed two and hurried back.
“Here,” I said as I gave her the goods.
“Thanks, you’re a life-saver,” she replied as she wrapped the blankets tightly around her body.
“Want some more water?”
“Sure.”
I went into the kitchenette and filled a Styrofoam cup with water and two straws.
“Just in case they tie you down again,” I smiled.
She smiled back and put the cup on the tray.
“So did you see the universe?” I questioned.
“What?”
“You know… Like the Kid Cudi song— ‘Split an eighth of shrooms just so I could see the universe’”
“Haha… Well it was fine until I got super paranoid.”
“Who did you do it with anyway?
“Some of my friends. You probably remember Julia from New Rez right?
“Yeah.”
“Where are they now?”
“No clue.”
“Well I didn’t see them anywhere around here. Hopefully you’ll figure it out once you get the hell out of here.”
“Where the fuck are my clothes?” she exclaimed suddenly.
“Er… Chill. Do you want me to ask?”
“I can probably ask myself.”
"Well he said they’ll restrain you again if you moved out of this 10 feet radius." I motioned to the area around the stretcher with my free hand.
“I would scream,” she replied (only half-jokingly).
“They’ll put you in the psych ward. And once you are in the psych ward, they’ll never let you out. No-one in the psych ward listens to you cause they just assume you’re crazy even if you tell them you’re not.”
“Just wait here a sec,” I added.
I walked to the same orderly near the nurse’s station.
“Sorry to bother you, but my friend would like to know if her clothes and stuff are in the hospital.”
“We don’t give that information out, especially to other patients,” he answered bluntly. His voice laced with attitude for no reason.
“Well, f*ck you too,” I thought.
I unenthusiastically thanked him before returning to Blair with the news.
”He wouldn’t tell me. But I guess they have it somewhere in here.”
Her head was in her hands.
“What’s wrong?”
“Shit, I have a pack of rolled joints in there,” she recalled.
“Oh crap,” I chuckled.
“Ugh, when do you think I can leave?”
“Soon, I think they said around 7ish,” I reassured her. “Just stay calm.”
She groaned. She really wanted to leave as soon as possible. I couldn’t blame her. She had to finish moving into her new apartment and then catch a flight to Paris at 7pm. I stayed with her until she was eventually discharged. I wished her a safe flight and all the best. I also told her to message me when she returned to Montreal even though I didn’t expect her to. None of them ever do.
