I present to you the worst thing I’ve ever done, the horrible thing. The thing I should not have done but I did anyways and that was your mistake for letting me post it. London x Vivian
There’s the first one, and then, then i made it worse, because you can change the whole situation with one line. your welcome.
“i fucked your mom lance”
@mindboogling owns Vivian, Lance’s mom
@pokeninjager-ghost-art owns London
A night ago I’ve realized that it has been a year since I’ve decided to show my reality. ( ु⁎ᴗ_ᴗ⁎)ु.｡oO
And when I say my reality, what I was really talking about was my hair - my crowning glory if you will. (-ω-ゞ This hair right here..
You see, I lost my hair years ago back in New Year’s eve of 2014. So, by January 1st of 2015, I’ve officially lost all my hair - great way to start the new year huh? （ー△ー；） The picture above was taken on December 16 of 2014, that was how long it took for everything to fall apart.
Now that I try to recall things, I remember that I was desperately trying to hold on to whatever was left of my hair. I even had a haircut thinking it would slow down things somehow but NOPE.
This was the last picture (on December 28, 2014) I have of my hair still intact… Look at me, unaware of what has to befall me the next few days. (/ _ ; )
My desperation reached to the point that my remaining hair strands got jumbled up together and my hair felt like a hair ball - my it was painful and I finally know how Neelix feels like when he gets a hair ball. ｡ﾟ･（>﹏<）･ﾟ｡
I remember feeling sad everyday I wake up because I wake up to see my pillow filled with hair strands that have fallen off of my hair. Then I started getting bald spots, then it was all gone. It was a big deal for me not just cause my hair was long before this happened but because the way my hair was before I lost it was the first time in my life that I didn’t get any rants about my hair; ever since I was young it was all - “ang kapal ng buhok mo!” or something along those lines, the point is, I didn’t have attractive hair and I never really got to start caring for my hair until later in college and then this happens. So its just…. y-(~。~；) sigh, yeah it was a big deal for me. I mean, I even started trying to learn different ways to style my hair.
Which goes back to August 1 of 2016, when I’ve finally decided to stop wearing wigs every time I go outside. I started wearing hats and I stopped wearing wigs. Gosh, I had so many wigs. |˄·͈༝·͈˄₎.｡oO
It was some time before I decided - or actually my Mom decided I should just wear a wig when going out. Do you know why she finally did? Because PEOPLE STARE. And I don’t know what it is, I mean obviously it’s me and after experiencing it so many times, I’ve realized their thought process goes like this - oh look, it’s a girl who’s probably bald under that bandana or bonnet or whatever and oh look she’s wearing a mask, she probably has cancer, what type of cancer, what stage, how did she get it, and so on, and so forth. And it was difficult because, I could feel those stares at me. It was filled with not just questions but judging - and every time, I always felt like hiding. ｜−・;）
I eventually got used to it but my family especially my Mom and my sister hates it when people stare. And it’s true though, I don’t understand why you have to stare. It’s normal to look but if you continue staring up to the point that the person notices you are staring, I mean… Why? Who wouldn’t feel uncomfortable about that? (ﾉ；；)ﾉ~┻━┻
So eventually, Mom got me a wig, and hiding behind the wigs made things easier for me, I didn’t have to wear a bandana or a bonnet to hide that I was bald. I mean sure, people still stare but it was more bearable.
My first wig ever, and the shortest of the bunch. I still remember how awkward it feels the first time and I had no idea how to align it and stuff like that. I'm actually surprised no one noticed that it was a wig then.
My second wig, and of a brown color (cause variety matters? is what I thought then, I think?)
This was actually my most used wig cause well, it's real (and no one ever touched and questioned it) Yes, cause of the wig-wearing there's bound to be people questioning how it looks that way. I guess if people weren't staring cause of the mask it was the wig. ¯\_| ✖ 〜 ✖ |_/¯
And so, after being used to being hairless and all, you know I’d start to notice that I’m losing hair everywhere else as well. Like - my eyebrows, my eyelashes, I think I l even lost my nose hair too, and yes I do mean “everywhere else”. (／。＼)
And so, I started borrowing some of my Mom’s eyebrow stuff - oh, I had absolutely zero make-up knowledge back then. I mean, look at how I tried to shade in my non-existent eyebrows here. ｡ﾟ(TヮT)ﾟ｡
Or how I tried to hide that I absolutely had no eyelashes here. ٩̋(๑˃́ꇴ˂̀๑) I have absolutely no idea how I thought I looked okay that day.
Well, I did eventually figure out how to do a simple eyeliner (which probably took me forever), but hey, I’d take what I could get. (⌯꒪͒ ૢ∀ ૢ꒪͒) ੭ੇ
Looking back at it now, it makes me laugh but I sure have come far in the make-up department. Yay for me? (๑˃́ꇴ˂̀๑)
So that’s how I’ve been dealing with how I go out until the 1st of August 2016 when Mom and Dad finally convinced me to stop wearing a wig cause my hair was long enough. I wasn’t used to having my hair short that’s why I’ve been refusing to do so - and there’s that thing about my hair being thick and poofy (if that makes sense) （￣□￣；）
If you were wondering how I looked like with no hair then I don’t really know too because I always hid behind a camera or a wig. The first time I actually decided to take a picture of myself with no wig was this time - September of 2015. And I just thought to myself, “oh, that’s me” |_-｡)
Who would have thought remembering back to how this all started could be so taxing, I actually might end it here for now. (=^-ω-^=) I mean after all, the question still remains - where have I been?
One last look
For all the memories that we shared
Reminiscing them all until
The moment our time had pausely paired
One last teardrop
That I’ll let go of because of you
For all the happiness and sadness that I’ve felt for so long loving you
One last song
To sing now, listen to then
For the story of “us” that was as I did say “A Once in a Lifetime” back then
One last poem
To write with all my heart
For you, for me, for us,
I won’t say sorry (Gomenasai)… but.. thank you (Arigatou)
Even when we’re so far apart..
One last title to spare,
One last tick of the clock,
One last stroke of the pen,
And I’ve let go of the locked memory that you and i only know…
🔑♥🔓
:~ letting go of a locked memory, 11:59PM
written on the 20th day of January in the year 2013.
