sorry for spamming your inbox, but your posts are giving me a lot of feelings
when we get a reconciliation in season two, I absolutely want to see Stede apologize to Ed for making him feel abandoned and alone because he knew Ed was waiting for him and he made a choice to leave him without any word
but I also want to see Ed's reaction to hearing why Stede didn't show up that night. because Stede was abducted at gunpoint by someone who wanted to kill him. up until Chauncey shot himself, Stede was in very real danger and rightly feared for his life. that alone is traumatizing, and then you pile on Chauncey throwing every one of his insecurities and perceived failures in his face (tough enough to hear at a regular time, let alone in a state of heightened anxiety and fear) and then Chauncey blew his brains out in front of Stede, who almost immediately convinced himself that this death was his fault, too.
I wanna see Ed's reaction to that, because you know Stede would try to downplay what happened, or blame himself for it, and I think Stede really needs someone to tell him that Chauncey was wrong and his death was not Stede's fault
DO NOT APOLOGIZE i’m gonna take this moment to have feelings back in casual form while i eat dinner
because like, that’s the thing i love about this show: a lot of media has like, the steady character and the troubled character and it’s the steady one’s job to be so fucking healthy they NEVER need help and play emotional support staff.
instead, everybody here supports each other, in turn. it’s why i cry AND scream when jim returns to olu when he most needs it and least expects them to roll back up. that's how the ideal peak of being in a relationship works, in the ideal world where somehow the “i’m having a good week” and the “i’m having a bad week” hats swap off in turn.
that’s the heartbreaking thing (lol “the”, it’s all a gut punch) about what happens with ed and stede. in a perfect world, stede would have been able to see past how much he’s internally terrified he is not worth love and known that the best answer here was: go talk to ed. explain this fear, and then they both go back so stede can makes amends to mary and the kids.
but he’s scared, it’s the middle of the fucking night and he just saw his worst nightmare play itself out AGAIN after yelling all the gross, middle of the night things he’s terrified of in his fucking face and confirming he’s right to think any of it. (shades of izzy and ed!!!! ohhhh, this show.)
because in another perfect world, ed would have seen past izzy’s own protective shield to the mountains of fear beneath and kindly but firmly told him no, izzy. we do talent shows now. you don’t like it? the door’s thattaway, but i wish you would unclench for half a second and give enjoying literally anything without making it weird or violent a try.
we do not live in a perfect world!!! these are both imperfect men, who have been damaged by the world around them; they aren’t always going to make the optimal choices when under extreme emotional stress, much like... everyone ever. in the history of the world. ever.
and even beyond that: they are playing the roles the world told them they should play, in these moments. (it’s all an act, the LITERAL SHOW SAID.)
which is part of why i’m so excited to see them eventually find a way back to each other again, because even if stede is gonna have to do some heavy lifting here to push past ed’s instinct to protect himself from being hurt again, they fucking love each other. when ed hurts, stede hurts; when stede hurts, ed hurts. (and, i would bet, a lot of ed’s anger comes from the motivations he can’t help but read into being left. getting left just sucks no matter how you slice it, but look what happened with mary when stede was finally honest with her. i think this show is ready to see ed and stede validate each other in a very similar way.)
