seen from Germany
seen from Iraq
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Israel
seen from Russia
seen from Russia
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
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seen from United States
People truly come and go. At this point I'm just holding the door open and letting them go if they don't see me as a person worth keeping in their life. It's how the world works; everything is cyclic. Even relationships. Some cycles last a lifetime and some only last a moment. My advice to anyone reading this, is think critically before deciding who's in it for the long haul because they'll surprise you.
Wtf
So a few weeks ago I was told this really cool novel idea by a good friend. He claimed the idea as his own. He's always been a bit of a showy guy. He always likes to impress people. I just saw a Facebook post with that novel idea, almost word for word what he said to me a few weeks ago. Now, I have a very trusting nature. I am gullible. It makes me so sad that I'm becoming more and more jaded and untrusting of people because things like this happen a lot. I had a friend a long time ago tell a scary story that turned out to basically be the plot of When Strangers Call. She claimed the scary story aa her own... And then I saw the movie on demand and remembered that story she told. I understand wanting to be impressive but why do people have to lie to do it? I just don't get it.
So I went to the Renaissance Festival today. I don't have any cosplay ready currently so I went in my Nepeta hat and her shirt so I wouldn't feel too lame. I was approached several times by people who liked my hat and someone even wanted a photo with me. That felt really weird because I wasn't greyed out or anything and I didn't even have most of my cosplay parts. It makes me so nervous for when I do have it all put together for Youmacon. I'm super camera shy and I'm only ever very good behind a lens, not in front of it. But it was really cool too... Getting random recognition. It's a confidence boost I think I need. I'm feeling pretty good lately and that made me feel even better. :)
Something that drives me crazy
Is when I am trying to apologize to someone and work things out with people and they make little to no effort to acknowledge the way they were shit to me. Like they are totally happy to take my apology but don't think there is anything they need to say sorry for. I am someone who is constantly trying to better myself socially and ethically and it baffles me that not everyone is like that. It is starting to make me want to stop trying to work things out with people. People wonder why I hate emotion... It's because mine are never respected or appreciated or understood...
Right now I am just angry that I'm angry. Fuck emotions.
I am so overcome with desire this morning... I want to be good at things i want to be loved and in love U want to know what to expect from the future And I realize I need to act in order to ensure a happy future but I am so terrified all the time to do anything. I've been standing still for months. I tried a new thing at the beginning of the summer and it sucked I tried to pursue love at the beginning of the summer and it sucked I'm trying now to take the next step for my future and I'm waiting for that to blow up in my face. And everything in my life right now is telling me not to let failure stop me. My tarot cards, my horoscope, my friends, a professional tarot reader even! One I never met and who didn't know my story. I'm not even sure what the point of this post is... Hmm oh well. Guess this is just an update on life right now for anyone who cares to read. I love all of you, by the way. Don't think that because I have my own trauma to deal with that I won't try to help any of you. My inbox is always open to you. :3
And what makes everything worse is I don't want to burden anyone with my emotional turmoil.
But I feel like I'm going to explode. Like... i haven't self medicated in months. Then the other night I tried to die... I've decided I would rather be dead.
Just going to read Homestuck and ignore real life forever.
