Hello, this be Mo. and I read @robo-cryptid‘s challenge to post and discuss a mistake or a piece of writing that has since changed, been scrapped, or abandoned.
So here I am. Mostly scrapped piece and analysis under the cut
“You’ll be the first of a new breed of super soldier.”
You wish that this tiny kid from Brooklyn would catch onto that word: new. New implied that there’s an old. New means that you might end up better or worse than the old.
You wish that he would catch on, but why should he?
He’s here for the war same as you.
You learn what Erskine told him the night before the procedure long after the fact. You laugh at his skills while listening to the statements of amplifying what lies on the inside of his soul.
You don’t have the heart to tell these war exhausted people that the serum only worked like that because Rogers was so so sick. You let them believe that, let Rogers believe that, because you’ve seen first hand how beliefs can change the outcome of a war. How beliefs can start a war too.
You keep up with the news, even though you’ve let yourself disappear again. You toast to Rogers with your flatmates when he runs off to listen to the call of action. He’s got a healing factor and the itch that goes along with it. The same one that sings for you and for Logan and for Victor.
You wonder just how far the similarities extend.
As for Bucky Barnes, however, you vomit when you hear about him. They created all the serums from you. You gave the samples (your bone, blood, tissues) as a gift to Erskine. Schmidt should have never touched it. You didn’t know it would change him like it did, but you’d warned them about there being requirements. And now you look at Barnes’ face on your tele and know way deep down that this is an experimental version of that awful stuff that tore through Schmidt.
You’re exceedingly happy that you left Germany.
Time passes. Barnes fell from a train, and Rogers flew into the ice. You agreed to Col. Striker’s offer.
Adamantium fits weird. Unnaturally. But you deal with it and forget about the two soldiers who are American Heroes. Vietnam is on your mind. Even though you cant fight for America.
You disappear into Russia for a while.
You’re very good at disappearing.
Eventually, you return. Logan doesn’t remember you, and you think it’s better that way. But Rogers is back out of the ice and you aren’t surprised in any way that he lived. Deep down, you know Barnes probably did too. Healing factors do stuff like that.
You enlist and Lieutenant Helen Song doesn’t get any second glances. You’re a perfect soldier. Sometimes. You make your way into SHIELD. Slowly but carefully.
You’ve got enough clearance to know that Barnes is back. That he never left. You wonder how much it would take to bribe Xavier for a place so that your gift to WWII can finally come home from war.
“Cap. Barnes. You’re needed.”
Rogers looks at you in skepticism and you don’t blame him. All of you have that look. Barnes glares and you glare right back. He might have a lot of experience in intimidation, but you’re definitely better. Besides, it would be a good fight if the two of you ever went toe to toe.
“We’re not allowed to leave.”
“I know. You’re still needed. Not necessarily by these people.” Your eyes are constantly scanning Stark Tower. You catch Thor’s eye at one point. As much as you’d like to try and lift Mjolnir, you know that worthiness isn’t exactly your strong suit.
“Do we know you?”
“Of course. I’m Lieutenant Song of SHIELD.”
“How do we know you’re not part of HYDRA?” Rogers is up in your space and you think you’d like to break his nose.
“Because Schmidt is an asshole who didn’t follow the stupid directions. Reverse engineering isn’t something you exactly do without an original example.”
I wrote this in the spring of 2016. This is still an idea that eventually I’d like to play with, however, I have no desire to return to this version of the idea. So criticisms of it?
I do not like how I chose to have the chronology of this piece. I know that I intended to rewrite the entire thing at least once. But I didn’t and don’t want to workshop this piece.
I don’t remember the OC(?) that I was framing as “you” in this story and if I the author cannot remember what I found engaging enough about her to write her, then I do not expect the audience to either.
I enjoyed wrangling with this piece while I worked on it. In 2016, I was in the middle of my year of writing without posting and with limited outside interaction or critique. This piece was part of my learning curve of what I sounded like when I was writing mostly for myself.
Because I was writing for myself and maybe a few friends, I could write in the tenses and the PoV that I wanted. I got to practice and challenge myself a lot with this.
My piece is dialogue heavy with little description or emotional weight to actions. The passage of time is blunt and awkward. This is honestly something that if I were to retackle it, this would definitely be longer than 5k. As opposed to the 700 words it currently is.
I’m still proud of it. But it feels good to acknowledge that I will most likely never work on this piece again.
