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OH GOD OH SHIT OH GOD OH SHIT 2 WEEKS AWAY

IT'S 2 FUCKING MORE WEEKS

HOW DID I NOT FUCKING REALIZE THIS

OH FUCK OH SHIT OHFUCK-

IT'S GONNA COME BOTH FAST AND SLOW

HOLY SHIT OH DEAR FROG

FUCKING TITAN MAN

DEAR GOD

HELP

#Amphibia #the owl house #oh fuck #I just now realized the true amount of panic and excitement in me #mostly panic

:)))))))))

#not excited at all #mostly panic #and im so worried about kepa #its just not the right time for everything happened at all once

uhhhh where’s my anon that rec’d a fic and wanted to yell and then disappeared cuz now i’m in a gay panic all alone..... like is this what you wanted??? RUDE

#clexa and supercorp in one???#im just....#theres a lot going on #mostly panic

There were so many people from your school on my bus today and I got so anxious

#Like idk if I was hoping you'd be one of them or not?#Honestly too many mixed feelings when I see your school's uniform #Mostly panic #Lou rambles #Vagueblogging communication

as some of you may have gleaned from my not-subtle posts, I am having hip replacement surgery next Tuesday. I have mixed emotions about this. I’m at the point where I’m still a bit calm about the whole thing. like, my brain hasn’t caught on to “you’re replacing one of the MAJOR joints in your body”. it still seems like an abstract thing that is happening, but doesn’t feel like it’s happening.

the other emotions that are starting to creep is are panic. fear. anxiety. pretty sure I’ve been having a low grade panic attack for a week. most people get nervous for surgery. it’s a completely normal thing. I know this. BACK STORY: my mother died being put under anesthesia. I get a little more scared than most. I’m allowed this. I will fight anyone who tells me otherwise. it was hard to sleep last night because, in addition to the fact that there is NO comfortable position with a fucked up hip, I started thinking, “what if I don’t wake up?”/”what will happen to my dad?”/”oh god what am I doing?” Am I seflish for taking that risk? probably. but it’s for my health. I know I won’t realize if I don’t wake up, I’ll just go to sleep and that’s. but that is fucking terrifying. I’ve had the same anesthesia team for the last three hip surgeries and they are requesting the same ones for this one. I know I’m in good hands. doesn’t stop the fear. which will only get worse in the coming days.

I have five full days left before I get taken apart and put back together. before I become bionic. (I’m not counting Tuesday since I have to be at the hospital by 6am.) two of those days are the weekend, where I can quietly panic and cry and no one will see me. getting through work is the difficult part.

I had a point to this post but I think I’ve lost it. oops.

#magen has feelings #many of them #mostly panic #sorry to those who actually read the whole damn thing

leaving for dashcon in 4 days don't know whether to be excite or panic.

#mostly panic #as i'm coming dowen with something

So much music

I just bought tickets for four shows over the course of this coming semester... All of a sudden, this semester is looking amazing. We have: 1. Dark Star Orchestra (1/30, First Avenue) 2. Hot Tuna (2/21 Fitzgerald Theater) 3. Buddy Guy & Jonny Lang (3/10, State Theater) 4. Widespread Panic (4/14, The Orpheum) (!!!!!) Panic is the big one here, but I'm excited about seeing Lang for the first time, and Buddy Guy always puts on a good show. Plus, my dad says Hot Tuna is great. And DSO is supposed to be good. The only way this gets better is if Phish shows up or if Davy Knowles gets a tour together.

#mostly panic #i'm so excited #haven't seen them in a year #and three new people #ugh #i can't wait