#movewithmags

[movewithmags-blog]

sunday chill :)

[movewithmags-blog]

Back in the Motherland

So it’s been 4 months since I’ve come back to Shanghai - and I think I’ve settled in quite well. Oh yea, I’m just going to put in here that I’m starting (and hopefully continuing) this blog just as my personal diary and to keep me accountable in my fitness routine.

So in the States I had a very structured routine - I would run a certain amount of times a week, and weightlift a certain amount of times each week. I had a goal in mind as well, I needed to get as fit and as strong as possible for the World University Netball Championships that happened in Miami in July. I had a biking trip after that, and by the time I got back to Shanghai I was burnt out. I took some time off, and when I started exercising again, I had a very erratic routine and definitely was a lot weaker than I had been in the States.

I realized, too late, that I kept myself accountable in the States because people were counting on me to be fit, to be strong, and people were keeping up with my progress. So I had to progress. Here, I didn’t really have anyone so making my own workout routine was pretty miserable. I had to switch gyms as well, going to a completely unfamiliar one. It all worked out though, because my current gym, Anytime Fitness Jinqiao, actually went and hired me as a personal trainer! And I thought, what better way to keep myself accountable than being a trainer and being surrounded by trainers who know my workout routine?

So I started lifting regularly again. But I wasn’t satisfied with my state of strength - so I went back to the trusty 5/3/1 programme. I spent one day calculating everything and lining up my programming so I would have no excuse to skip any day (I even went so far as to write down the dates I would workout on).

But moral of the story, I thought I was fit. I thought I was quite dedicated - I am, but I wasn’t quite as dedicated as I thought. I’ fortunate that I found what helps me keep going and what encourages me to reach my goal. My advice, find a community and people who are also on the same track as you or have the same goals as you - because crushing goals with others is just so much more fun.

[movewithmags-blog]

work through it

I’ve been having a hard time with everything going on, and I still don’t know why. I feel like some days I just wake up and want to conquer the world, but these past few weeks most days I wake up and I want to cry. I always think about the times I went for checkups at NYU, and one of the first things they ask you is “in the past week have you had any feelings of despair” or “have you had any trouble getting out of bed in the morning” and my conditioned response is “no.” I never thought for a second about what would actually happen if I actually had said yes at one of those sessions. I always thought I could work through it on my own.

I’m starting a new life almost - I’ve taken a year off school, telling myself that I was needed back home, that my work needed me. And it’s true, I am needed, my work is important. I was always working towards something in the past - to hit a strength goal, to study for midterms, to train myself into peak condition for the World Netball Championships. Everything had a purpose in my life, everything had it’s own place. Now I’m not so sure. 

The bottom line is, I need to start letting these feelings go instead of bottling them up inside me. The other day, when I was alone in my office building after hours, a thought crossed my mind which scared the living hell out of me. I almost considered it. I had to lock myself in my office pantry and turn off the lights to block everything out. We have the most beautiful view from our office - we occupy one of the top floors in one of the tallest buildings in the area. I don’t ever want to be in that mindset ever again.

This post is just for me, something I can read to remind myself that it’s always worth it to work through it. I can work through it.