#mpd angst

[hotcocosharing]

No Pain No Gain (MPD Hiroshi x OC)

Category: Angst / Fluff? Character: Take a guess or any suggestion OC: Miku Oshiro Notes: Originally an idea for rp that’s no longer happening so let’s see where this’d lead me

Let me know if you’d like to be tagged or untagged cux I value your feedback @hifftn / destinywanted /  lxvescramble

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

Hiroshi Kirisawa’s POV

I can't entirely block out the unnecessary thoughts that's flooding through my preoccupied mind, no matter how hard I try. Koichi has fallen asleep on the couch with the remote still in his hand, picking him up easily I lay him onto his bed which's set up in time by our brilliant babysitter.

Not being able to pinpoint what I'm feeling, mixing with frustration and exhaustion as I gaze at the mountain of boxes surrounding my new apartment. After working straight for 48 hours without much sleep and to come home in need of a shower which isn't likely to happen, I flop down onto the empty couch and ponder just how I've gotten into this very situation.

Glancing down at my phone for what realistically might have been the hundredth time today, getting increasingly nervous with every minute that ticks by. I shouldn't let it get to me and here I'm, staring at my phone at 11pm on a Friday night and wondering if I'll ever get a reply from her.

I remember how her regular check in or silly messages would brighten my busy days till I've lost track of everything- endless over time, missing date nights, forgetting anniversaries then leads to the cold left overs, mornings without goodbyes and by the time I realize the lack of texts and calls exchange, there's already a divorce paper waiting on the dining table.

My world's flipped upside down.

I am still the same person she's met decade ago, and yet my decency and dedication for my job have sacrificed my marriage. Deliberately working extra so I'd avoid her whining of how I put the civilians and the deceased before her and our child, making sure I wouldn't need to sit there and watch the disappointing look on my boy's face, believing that my choice of career is the worst of all. I haven't tried to fight for a marriage that's beyond saving but I fight hard to get Koichi's full custody, knowing completely in my heart that it would be the right decision for I don't want him to grow up being a materialistic and cynical. The divorce isn't a pretty sight and I attempt to keep my balance, squeezing whatever time I'd to spend with Kochi though it's never enough. We're fortunate enough to have a babysitter who is sticking with us in spite of moving the third time within a year. Kochi is acting out and Rei is the only one he'd listen to, let's hope I won't be getting a call from the new school too soon. Reaching into my pocket and lighting my last cigarette, I inhale deeply, sucking in the bitter yet satisfying taste of my safe haven. Slowly exhaling a cloud of smoke into the apartment, I watch as the white-gray smoke swirl around in the breeze under the dim lights. 

This feels good, immensely so, to be able to do this without interruption. Resting my head on the back of couch, my eyes open at the scent of brewing coffee from the window opening, precisely from next door. Eventually raising my feet and gradually making my way to the boxes again, I scratch the back of my head and laugh at myself for attempting to unpack with no scissor or cutter at all. Almost being driven crazy for want of coffee and in need of tools, I knock on my neighbor's door which's answered a lot quicker than expected. Pausing momentarily at the woman with messy bun and Disney pajamas that I thought only come in kids size till her confusing and slightly unwelcoming tone of "Can I help you?"

And it just occurs to me that I should have at least shower before making an appearance to my neighbor, especially woman- great, now I probably look like a creep and one that smells.

Miku Oshiro’s POV

I have grown tired of trying to hold things together, to control things that's beyond my control, to look people in the eyes and lie about how fine I feel while all I want is to scream and cry till my voice could no longer be heard.

I am just so tired.

Too tired to fix whatever it's left for it's far too broken to be fixed; too tired to act normal or play the part of perfect wife because at the end of day- I'm the one to blame.

Not attentive enough; not attractive enough, not satisfying him enough.

I was never enough and never will be for him- a man who apparently never valued me, a man who had absolutely no intention to salvage our marriage, a man who had been cheating all along. Yet the very same man used to travel miles to surprise me, took my hands and turned his back on his family, brought a house and called it our home where we shall live with our kids in five years time.

Now, three years later.

I am still the woman who have fallen for him hard, he on the other hand has two kids with another woman. The pain of his vows and empty promises that strikes through my heart each time I receive a message from him about when I’m selling the house or have I told my parents.

I mean SO LITTLE to him.

He was my world, my everything.

It seemed like he had been waiting to leave me, finding out his infidelity was a relief. It wasn’t about the other woman, it was the fact that he’d finally be free of me, free from the life with me. He could not wait to get out.

How did I let that happen? How did we come this far? Just where did it go wrong? When did he stop loving me? How could he just stop caring?

Do I seriously mean nothing to him? What have I done to deserve zero respect?

Exhausted and angry at myself for being so blind, naïve and stupid. Lying flat on my cold bed with a sheet resting against my body, I let the train of thoughts consume me, eating me away by people who never try or bother to understand me. Nerveless, their words still sting and stab right through my fragile hearts, constantly being questioned, judged and criticized my final decision has seriously making me doubt my sanity. My confidence and integrity gone and crushed so easily within hours of telling my parents and his, curling into a ball and hugging my knees is the only kind of comfort I could afford.

I could run away, abandon my job, disappear and start a new life under some make up name like people in the movies. No responsibility, no obligation and definitely no pressure but I love my job, writing is my sanctuary, the only thing that keeps me at ease and yet, even that may not be enough for me to carry on anymore.

The sound of doorbell startles me, given it possibly hasn’t rang in a million years and it is late in the evening. I should ignore it, whoever it is will walk away and leave me back to my pity self. And somehow I find my feet moving on their own and head towards the front door, opening a slight crack with my trembling hands to see a stranger’s face, a very good looking stranger’s face.