Reasons why someone may identify as bi lesbian (a valid identity!):
a bi woman* who experiences rare attraction to men but never enough to date one.
a bi woman* who was attracted to a man only once in her life, so he is like an exception.
a woman* who is bisexual but monoromantic towards women, or biromantic but monosexual towards women.
a woman* attracted to all genders (including trans men) other than cis men.
a bi woman* who is only attracted to non-men and occasionally fem(me) men.
a bi woman* who doesn’t date men and doesn’t intend to ever do so.
a lesbian who formerly was bisexual and now her identity has shifted, and she wants her label to reflect both.
a late-in-life lesbian who is married to a man but is comfortable staying with her husband because of their unique love/companionship.
a poly lesbian whose partner’s partners (whom they may rendezvous with) may rarely include men.
a lesbian who does not identify as “monosexual” or “monoromatic” despite only being attracted to non-men, since she feels that she is attracted to multiple non-men genders.
a lesbian that includes trans men in her attractions, even if not cis men.
a lesbian who happens to be in a relationship with a trans man because her partner transitioned.
a “straight” trans man who originally identified as a lesbian (and maintains strong connection to lesbian culture) and/or remains in a relationship with a lesbian.
a bi transmasc/trans man who prefers to date other transmascs/trans men as well as women.
a transfem bi woman* who strongly identifies with centering her life around womanhood and sapphic love.
a genderfluid lesbian who is sometimes a man.
a bisexual woman* using the pre-separatism meaning of “lesbian”, back when it was an umbrella term for all sapphics.
a bi butch or a bi femme (as both these terms in the sapphic context can be synonymous to lesbianism).
a bi sapphic that has reclaimed the term “dyke”, which can also be synonymous to “lesbian” as well as “sapphic”.
… and many more!
*I use “woman” and “she/her” in these examples but this may apply to any genderqueer sapphics as well!
Yes, many of these experiences can be described by using one of “bi” or “lesbian”, rather than both in combination. Lesbianism includes many genders plus trans folks! Bisexuality includes all genders including trans folks! Lesbianism is considered monosexual identity, but also in some ways multisexual, and “bi lesbian” is often used by those who strongly identify with being mspec. Labels are for our comfort in identifying ourselves and our lived experiences, as well as to accurately communicate our identities to others. We shouldn’t police them! Queer people are deviant and complex by nature! Rigid rules are for the patriarchy, not us. Labeling conventions are fully arbitrary and we should prioritise what will maximise queer folks’ happiness.
Folks spend a lot of (misplaced) energy hating on the label “bi lesbian” and want to eradicate it by claiming it is TERF propaganda—however that’s not very nuanced. There are queer elders who use this term—should we really have the audacity to tell them how to live? Ironically it’s gender essentialist in and of itself to try to put people in a box. We should remember that bisexuals and lesbians originally were all just “lesbians” (ie in the same way we use “sapphic” as an umbrella term today), and it was TERF rhetoric in second-wave feminism that resulted in lesbian separatism. A simple label used by a tiny minority can’t cause all kinds of scary lesbophobia, biphobia, and transphobia (as it is, endosex allocishetero people can barely tell bisexuality from lesbianism anyway and don’t know a thing about trans people either ;n;)—If it is a possibility, that’s our job as a community to fight back misinformation. :)
