It was the dead of the night when you thought I was asleep. Suddenly, I felt your breath on my ear—warm air of comfort and treachery. You whispered to me words you wouldn’t say. Listen to me, I’m here. My heartbeat quickened. I feel lucky because of you. I wanted to open my eyes. I love you and that’s all you need to know. Mustering up all the courage I have, I whispered back, barely opening my mouth, eyes still shut. I love you too but this is wrong. And so I confronted my fate knowing that I am the author of my own demise. This is forbidden. We both know it is. We’re only ruining ourselves. Stop! I begged. But how do we defend ourselves from the myriad, insufferable surrendering then longing for each other? Stop! I screamed.
I watched the panorama of catastrophic bullshits roll before my eyes. I watched misery unfold with mercurial high. I watched it all disappear. Gone, like your words in the air.