Best morning after scene...
This one is from Courage and Sacrifice. Because Jo’s dialogue is so much fun. Enjoy...
(Rated M)
She slowly pulled herself to a sitting position without disturbing the drums her in her head and gave silent thanks as spied the note, water, and painkillers Peeta had left for her on the nightstand. She downed the glass, then headed to the bathroom to wash the floor-of-the-forest taste out of her mouth. Just as she was rinsing the final time, Missy Elliott's "Get Ur Freak On" split the air from somewhere nearby. Katniss's hand slipped and half the water slid down her chin to soak her t-shirt.
"Dammit, Jo," she muttered as the ringtone played again. She stumbled across the room to her purse. "Your timing sucks."
"And good morning to you, Brainless! If my timing sucks, does this mean you're finally shaking off your Miss Haversham vibe?"
Katniss shook her head to clear the cobwebs. "Inside voice, please. How are you not hungover? And why are you calling me at 7 am? Did what's-his-name not pan out?"
Jo scoffed. "Pollux. His name is Pollux. Like in Greek mythology. And you wouldn't be hungover either if you would just try my hangover cure."
Katniss gagged. "Don't. Please don't tell me about it agai-"
"Vodka, Redbull, a raw egg, and a tablespoon of habanero hot sauce. I'm telling you, you'd be right as rain right now if you drank it before bed. But you never listen to me."
Katniss leaned weakly against the bed and rubbed her eyes. "Jo, why are you calling?"
"Besides checking up on whether my favorite roommate finally did the walk of walk of dames? I need your help. Can you Google how long it's safe to wear a cock ring with an erection? I'd do it, but I'm over my data usage for this month."
"Oh my God. You have to stop asking me to do searches for random stuff. When are you getting unlimited data?" Katniss dutifully opened a browser and ran a search.
"It's not like anyone is going to go through the browser history on your phone. You're too pure for that. Plus, you know this is the most exciting thing you'll do all day."
Katniss scanned a web site, half-listening to her friend. "I'm afraid to ask this next question, but it may matter if it's a rigid ring or something malleable. Most of the sites talk about all-day wear, though. So you're probably okay.""
Katniss heard Johanna sigh. "Good. That's good. It's a nitrile ring, so it has some give. At least I planned that far ahead."
"Jo, what's going on?"
"Pollux and I got home and immediately got down to business. On a side-note, that guy wasn't kidding when he called his mouth the Jaws of Life. Anyway, I drank some of my aforementioned hangover cure and he said he wanted to try it. And I may have slipped him part of a crushed up Viagra."
"You WHAT?" Katniss practically yelled. "You drugged your date? I can't believe you."
"Oh, please. He was totally aware the entire time. He even helped me put the ring on him. It's not like he didn't know what we were going to do when we came back here. I didn't do anything except enhance his performance a little. Like Lance Armstrong when he doped to win the Tour de France."
"Lance Armstrong knew what he was doing."
"So does Pollux, Brainless. So. Does. Pollux. The guy may have ruined me for other men. I can barely keep up with him. This twelve hour relationship is the longest I've ever had and I can totally see why other people do this. Oh, hey. On another note: that cooling cream you made me? The stuff with aloe in it? Does it work on chafed skin?"
Katniss cautioned, "Jo, I can guarantee what you're doing isn't the same as other people's relationships. And you cannot use that on red or broken skin. Promise me you won't try it." A noise caught Katniss' attention and she froze as Peeta's bedroom door creaked open slowly. A small shape entered and stopped dead when it spied her, gazing disdainfully.
"It was just an idea. Jeez. After care's important. Brainless, you there?"
"Jo, I have to go."