Brother Luke: Getting into the Habit
There are many forms of vocation in the Church of England, including the calling to Religious Life. Mucknell Abbey in Worcestershire is home to an Anglican Benedictine community of men and women who live a life of prayer. Brother Luke is a Member of this Community and shares the story of his calling to a Religious Life.
‘Listen and attend with the ear of your heart’ (The Rule of St Benedict) The thing about a ‘calling’, I think, is that it is continuous: moment by moment I try to remember that God is ‘calling’ me. I have heard that ‘calling’ for a long time, God’s invitation to become the person he has created me to be.
There was a time when I didn’t hear God’s calling as an invitation to explore a monastic vocation, but that is where my response to a sense of God’s calling in my life has gradually brought me. It was a step-by-step discovery that hasn’t, nor isn’t, always crystal clear; and it has been scary, exciting, very challenging, and enriching.
This journey has involved intuitive impulses that I have needed to explore. I began by asking tentative questions about the monastic life with a close friend, which eventually developed into a conversation with my bishop. At first, I had intended speaking about ordination to the priesthood but the conversation turned towards monasticism and finished with his suggestion that I spend a weekend with a community; that is what I did.
The experience was disorienting. I felt, at once, attracted by the way of life I was witnessing and also terrified by the possibility this way of life could be for me. The attraction and sense of God prodding me in the direction of monastic life eventually triumphed over the fear. So, I continued over the course of a year to return to the community, getting to know the people and become more familiar with the lifestyle. Eventually, the desire to explore monastic community reached the point where the only thing left to do was to jump in.
It was a big step coming to Mucknell Abbey, not only for me but for my family and friends. My entry into monastic life has been a steady progression. I began as an ‘alongsider’, which means I lived with the community without formally becoming a member. This allowed me to get a feel of the life without any major commitments. I eventually moved into the community as a novice-monk and began the slightly more formal process of joining the community. Still, even now that I have made my First Profession (vows for three years), the whole journey continues to be a moment by moment discovery without having to know where the journey is leading.
Monastic life is apt to be romanticised: flowing robes, candle-lit services, and long effortless hours of ecstatic prayers! Those and other ‘romantic’ elements feature, in some form, in monastic life and can be important in first attracting a person to exploring a monastic vocation. However, these images of monastic life are, by-and-large, products of the imagination. My experience of life in the community I am now a member of has shown me the ordinariness of monastic life (and life in general), but in that very ordinariness there is great joy and contentment to be found.
There are many challenges that I have and continue to encounter in my monastic life. Most obviously, there are the other people! Living at close quarters, 24 hours a day, with a group of very different people has, I have discovered, the amazing capacity to create tension. Yet, slowly, I am discovering that the roots of what frustrates me about those I live with are found in myself, and that the biggest challenge is getting to know and accept myself: especially the parts that I would rather remain ignorant of. The daily routine can feel onerous and relentless, and the inhibiting of my own wants by living under a rule and in a context where my decisions and actions have a very noticeable effect on those I live with are some of the other difficulties that I have encountered. Yet, the grace that I have been given (often through those I live with) in order to persevere in and through these difficulties has allowed me to see that the difficult experiences have invited me to a deeper and more joyful relationship with God, others, and myself.
What have you overcome? #CofECalling