Imagine the pillarmen...
drunk
Kars
Will not let on he’s drunk if he can help it.
He can’t really help it though.
He’ll sit quietly, red faced and staring into his glass, until you prompt him, asking if he’s okay, and then the floodgates open.
Turns out he’s a talkative drunk!
He will ramble about a million things you’d never imagined you’d hear from his mouth.
He doesn’t want to chase the stone and eat people, he just wanted to play guitar in the sunshine and he’s so annoyed people keep telling him it’s ‘rude’ or ‘wrong’ that he’d want to keep a few humans as pets! Not annoyed with you though! He loves you and you’d be his first and favorite pet! You and several dogs! What were you talking about again?
It’s a good thing he prefers to drink at home instead of going out. If you had to walk him home like this he’d chew your ear off about how he’ll soon be able to fly you home instead.
He won’t literally chew it off cause after a stop at the music store you have to listen to him play guitar! So what if the store’s closed?
Esidisi
He’ll casually tell you he’s ‘feeling a slight buzz’ after enough booze to kill a bar full of Russians, and that’s the only warning you get.
It’s no surprise he’s a crying drunk.
He was having so much fun before! What happened?!
Turns out around 90.000 years of living give a man quite a few things to cry about. He was suddenly reminded of just one of them and now you get to hear about them all.
He’s shockingly honest and this might have been an enlightening bonding moment if he didn’t phase through dead languages while talking like he was being possessed and sob through the whole ordeal.
On the bright side, him clinging to you while crying makes it easy to take him home, just try not to get knocked over.
In the unfortunate, but likely, event you do get bowled over and end up with the crying pillarman on top of you, just call for help. He’s heavy and will not be moved. At least he’ll keep you nice and warm while you wait for someone strong enough to help scrape you and your blubbering god of fire off the ground.
Wakes up bright and cheery with no hangover, even though he has to ask you what the hell happened last night.
Wamuu
You should have been concerned when you watched him chugging at the bar like it was a sport.
Will accept a drinking challenge from anyone and win, and when that’s done he’s looking for a fight!
Not a mean drunk per se, but if you let him decide where you’re drinking it’s likely he’ll pick a sports bar or biker bar where a brawl is waiting to happen.
Anyone tries to mess with you, he will defend your honour by any means! He’ll be muddling his next drink with someone’s femur if they even think about hitting on you.
You can’t talk him out of any perceived challenge, so unless you can stop a bar full of drunk dudes from ‘looking at him wrong’ it’s best to challenge him yourself.
At this stage the “Walk a straight line” challenge or some kind of tongue twister is an easy and relatively safe way to break him.
Once ‘defeated’ he will grovel and promise to face you again.
This is your one and only chance to get him home or in bed if you’re already there.
If you don’t, you and the speedwagon foundation are going to be spending more on repair/hospital bills for the bar and its patrons than booze.
Tomorrow you can explain to him why he has such a pounding headache if he won the fight and why you’re now banned from yet another bar.
Santana
To be fair, the boy is a handful at the best of times, so you don’t immediately notice he’s drunk.
It shows in how clingy he is at first, like you’ll definitely end up in a literal rib cage at one point or another.
The second major hint is, disastrously, how hungry he gets.
If Santana were human you’d be sitting at a Denny’s or Five Guys at 2:47 in the morning watching him inhale a brunch for eight people, but obviously it isn’t that easy.
Instead you end up at Denny’s and he tries to eat the five guys that are already there, forcing you to scream reprimands at him like a pet chewing on something when no food should have been present.
“SANTANA NO! Put him down! No! NOOOO!!! Don’t think you can hide that from me! I know you’re eating him even if I don’t see you chew! You have three seconds to spit him out! One… two… SANTANA!!!”
Last time he ended up dropping half a person on the floor, looking to compromise, and now you were in the awkward position of having to make it clear that this was not an acceptable compromise, but no, he wasn’t allowed to finish eating either!
In the end it’s best to lure him home with food or more booze before the sun comes up, because there is absolutely no way he can tell the time like this.
Try to keep him aware of who you are. He is prone to absentmindedly chewing on loved ones in this state and he loves you very much.
Try to worm your way out of the mess you created last night, Santana, I dare you...
