Hey y'all. I just want to thank each and every one of you who have followed this blog, sent a meme/interaction, and have written with me since Tumblr nuked my old blog (lady-llewellyn). I know I owe so many folks a lot of replies and possibly some starters and I'm sorry I haven't gotten to them.
Adulting is hard, and ADHD burnout is too real. I'm treading water just to barely keep up with my job. Every single time I get hopeful that I can come back here and take care of things, something else fuckigng crops up. More than anything, I want to write with all of you here. I miss fucking writing creatively rather than being painted into a corner at work.
And if it isn't work sucking my soul away, it's fucking family drama and the weight of being the one stuck here taking care of my parents rather than sharing the load with my siblings because I've been doing this gig as the eldest daughter FOREVER, and it's just easier for them than to actually show up regularly.
In short, I'm exhausted and barely holding it together. I'm sorry for only having a queue running and making bare minimum attempts. However, there is nothing else I can do. Even trying to reply on Discord is falling by the wayside, and I am losing the creative juices needed to run this muse for more than a few hours a week.
When somebody wants your opinion, tells you they need it to know if they are doing the right thing but second you give it agreeing completely but not apparently fully with them cause you point out one inconsistency your the villain... and they then sit there weaving your one sentence into a whole web of how you don't understand what's happening even though you know everything...
And they wonder why you don't talk to anyone close about anything. This is why I only talk to one person
I don’t vent often, but I rlly need to get this off of my chest, Besties. 😅 It’s been a LOOONG time coming, and I’m just tired of feeling this way.
So like, some time ago -- maybe a year or two ago now? time is an illusion, idk -- I tried to cast a line out into one of the popular Stardew Valley Art and OC Communities (the most popular one at the time, idk what the landscape is like now tbh because the ordeal kind of put me off of trying to join communities for a while and even exploring the sdv tag beyond looking at Elliott art lmfao), and the response was just an absolute mess...Not only did they take a while to respond to me (because they were busy talking mess about the situation in their little server...yes I have proof lmao), they didn’t look into my content at all, AND straight up lied about the reason they wouldn’t let me join. It all ended with some of them blocking me for some reason?? (likely because in frustration I made a vent post after the whole situation somewhere along the lines of “if they were a clique, they should just say so”) and now I’m fairly certain one of them, whose art I really admire, is refusing to answer my asks (literally just saying I love their art, or asking little art related questions as I am wont to do) because of the whole situation...
And it’s all just crazy to me?? I don’t think I did anything particularly wrong aside from the vent post which was isolated to My blog and not linked to them in any way. I acknowledge that. But all I did otherwise was send out a few anons to see who I should talk to about joining, and then I talked to that person when I FINALLY got an answer after being given the run around.
And that answer was that they weren’t accepting any members, but if there was someone in the server who could vouch for me, I could be extended an invitation. Which is hilarious, because at the time there were two or three people from the last Stardew Community I was in, and even one I had just met at the time, who were part of their discord server; one of whom, I hear, even vouched for me. They also said they only accepted people who were making stardew content, which, might I add, was RAMPANT on my blog at the time, clueing me in to the fact that they didn’t even glance at it (that and the fact that they called me by Kaibara’s name when I finally got a response :T).
Guess it would have been a little awkward to let me in after they had such a lengthy and not too nice conversation about the situation sitting in the chat logs.
It’s something that I go back to from time to time because the situation really made me feel like shit...like...they didn’t even try to talk to me, they talked mad shit about me sending out anons to ask if they were accepting members (calling it creepy??? like...ok lmao), and now I’m blocked and or being ignored by people I did nothing to?? I feel like it shouldn’t be such a source of pain tbh but, sensitive folks gonna be sensitive, IG.
There was one person who I greatly appreciated, who reached out about the situation and was very nice about it -- apologizing for the whole thing, even though they had very little to do with it. I still appreciate them, and hope they’re doing alright. (If you’re reading this....I’m sorry I’m bad about keeping in contact haHAAA)
There wasn’t really any point to this post, I just needed to let it out. I don’t think its BAD that they’re a clique, I just found it really shitty of them to do all this instead of just...yknow...acknowledging that they didn’t want to add people to the friend group.
Did anyone else experience anything like this? Am I the only one being shunned just because I wanted to make some new art friends? :T
When you try to find something you wrote on this hellsite because you wanted to reference back to it for your oc…. And its nowhere to be found. *Le sigh*
out of muses. frick, i wanna get back into cosplaying! i haven’t done it in YEARS BUT IM SO TEMPTED -- mostly for the JJBA universe! i could work maybe.... a tree. a skinny ass tree.
