THE SIGNS, BASICALLY
ARE YOU TOTALLY NEW TO ASTROLOGY? DO YOU WANT TO LEARN ASTROLOGY? THEN FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELT BECAUSE THIS WILL BE A PAINFUL YET EDUCATIONAL RIDE
STEP ONE: THE SIGNS
1. ARIES
MARCH 21 – APRIL 19
REPRESENTED BY THE RAM
SHEEPS
FIRE SIGN
VERY ANGRY
AGGRESSIVE
GOTTA BE #1
HELLA CONFIDENT
LEADER AF
DAREDEVIL
DOES STUPID STUFF
ENTHUSIASTIC
2. TAURUS
APRIL 20 - MAY 20
REPRESENTED BY THE BULL
ALSO COWS
EARTH SIGNS
LAZY
LIKES FOOD
BEAUTIFUL
LITERAL GODDESSES
ALSO SLOBS
CUTE
STUBBORN
POSSESSIVE
PEACEFUL
CAN GO INTO REALLY SCARY RAGE
3. GEMINI
MAY 21 - JUNE 21
REPRESENTED BY TWINS
OOOOO
AIR SIGN
TALKS A LOT
REALLY WEIRD
THE FUNNIEST
LIKES ARGUING
FULL OF CRAP
FRIENDLY
????? CUTIES
EVERYONE HATES YOU
BUT YOU’RE GREAT
ADAPTABLE
HUMAN CHAMELEON
CHAMELEONS ARE CUTE
THEREFORE GEMINIS = CUTE
4. CANCER
JUNE 22 - JULY 22
REPRESENTED BY CRAB
BECAUSE WHEN LIFE GETS HARD THEY GO BACK INTO THEIR SHELLS
NO NOT THE CRABS IN YOUR PANTIES
WATER SIGN
THE SADDEST
BUT YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW IT
GREAT CHEF
MOST LIKELY TO HAVE AN I HEART MOM TATTOO
LOVES HOME
TAKES CARE OF YOU
AND THEIR HOMES
SELF PITYING
BUT FORGIVABLE
WILL NEVER LET GO. BEWARE
TOTAL WIFEY MATERIAL
UNLESS YOU’RE UNFAITHFUL
THEN YOU DIE
5. LEO
JULY 23 - AUGUST 22
REPRESENTED BY LION
AND TIGERS AND OTHER CATS
LITERALLY A CAT. HERE’S HOW
VERY CUTE
LIKES ATTENTION
ONLY GIVES AFFECTION IN EXCHANGE FOR FOOD
SLEEPS ALL DAY
LOYAL
HATES EVERYONE
THINKS THEY’RE BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE
SOMETIMES ATTACKS INANIMATE OBJECTS AND DESTROYS HOUSEHOLD OBJECTS WITH THEIR CLAWS
FIGHTS EVERYTHING
ALSO A FIRE SIGN
6. VIRGO
AUGUST 23 - SEPTEMBER 22
REPRESENTED BY THE VIRGIN
EARTH SIGN
HAHA WAIT I SAID VIRGIN
NEAT FREAKS
ORGANIZED
DOESN’T LIKE PEOPLE
CREATIVE
MISS INDEPENDENCE
EARTH SIGN
HASN’T SEEN THEIR BED IN THREE DAYS
WRITES EMO POETRY
GOTTA DO THINGS THEIR WAY OR NO WAY
PICKY
DOESN’T SHOW EMOTION
FRIENDS???
WHAT ARE THOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE
7. LIBRA
SEPTEMBER 23 - OCTOBER 22
REPRESENTED BY THE SCALES
NO NOT LIKE FISH SCALES
LIKE THE WEIGHING THING
AIR SIGN
HAS A LOT OF FRIENDS
TALKS A LOT
IS VERY CUTE
AIRHEADED
THEIR INNER MONOLOGUE IS BARBIE GIRL PLAYING OVER AND OVER
LIKES SHOPPING
CAN ACTUALLY BE DEEP
INDECISIVE
TRIES TO PLEASE EVERYONE
LOVES TO BE IN LOVE
CAN ALSO BE A HEARTLESS HOE
8. SCORPIO
OCTOBER 23 - NOVEMBER 21
REPRESENTED BY SCORPION
WATER SIGN AF
SUPPOSED TO BE SEXUAL
BUT REALLY THEY JUST WANNA BE IN LOVE
EMO AS HELL
DEATH STARE
PASSIONATE
DEAD HONEST
WILL NOT HESITATE TO MESS YOU UP
SECRETIVE
JEALOUS
TERRIFYING
BABIES ON THE INSIDE
INTERNALLY SCREAMING
PROBABLY THE GRIM REAPER
9. SAGITTARIUS
NOVEMBER 22 - DECEMBER 21
THE ARCHER
CENTAUR DUDE
HALF HORSE HALF MAN WITH ARROWS
FIYAAAAAAAAA
ADVENTUROUS
CAN’T LIE TO SAVE THEIR LIFE
DOES NOT CARE
AT ALL
THEY WILL DO WHAT THEY WANT
HAPPINESS GOALS
THE GLASS IS HALF FULL, ALSO I WANT TO SMASH IT
SO
MUCH
ENERGY
ADVENTURE TIEM!!!!!!!
10. CAPRICORN
DECEMBER 22 - JANUARY 21
SEA GOAT
DON’T ASK WHY
EARTH SIGN
LIKES MONEY
AND STABILITY
WORKAHOLIC
DOESN’T LIKE FUN
FEAR OF RELAXATION
E V I L
ASSOCIATED WITH SATAN
CHRISTMAS TIME THO
SO SRS
AMBITIOUS
RESPONSIBILITY AS HECK
KNOW IT ALL
STOP THAT
11. AQUARIUS
JANUARY 22 - FEBRUARY 18
REPRESENTED BY WATER BEARER
AIR SIGN
NOT WATER SIGN!! SHUT UP
????
ALIENS
GOD COMPLEX
EGO OUT OF THIS WORLD
SPACE PUNS
WEIRDNESS
SCIENCE
LIKE GEMINI ON STEROIDS
NERD BUT COOL
NO EMOTIONS
MISS/MISTER INDEPENDENCE
COULDN’T BE WEIRDER IF THEY TRIED
HONESTLY? WHO KNOWS
12. PISCES
FEBRUARY 19 - MARCH 20
REPRESENTED BY TWO FISH
NOT ONE FISH, TWO FISH
DR SUESS
CUTIES
SHY
SO SWEET
VERY EMOTIONAL
DAYDREAMY
DRUGS? YES PLS
ESCAPIST
MURDERERS
KAWAIIIIIIIIIII~
WATER SIGN BECAUSE OF THEIR TEARS
FISH PUNS