#munchatter.

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                I DID STUFF                          I DID THINGS             I WAS P R O D U C T I V E                 YOU CAN'T YELL AT ME ANYMORE!!!

[bloodredbitcharchive]

[bloodredbitcharchive]

Okay, okay, lemme' just clear up that while yes I have overturned this blog to multi shipping, I still would rather not ship with everyone who crawls out of the wood works. Ada's got pretty high standards, and let's be real -- she's not easy to tie down. Hell she could pop in your house at 3am for sex, and pop back out when you fell asleep and you wouldn't hear from her for a year. BUT. I'm totally up for plotting out shippy threads.

just mini psa that i'm totally self conscious about writing smut. and i kind of suck at it, so don't pressure me too much. oops secrets out, i'm actually totally awkward. I: I: I:

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outofcharacter. oh i forgot to mention that my verses page is entirely incomplete. the only ones that actually have info are dragon age and the walking dead. like, i have stories in my head for each verse -- but i just haven't been able to put them into words yet. BEAR WITH ME.

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outofcharacter. anyway I'll probably need to vanish shortly, but I'll do askbox things and dante's reply when I get back. either later if I can't sleep or tomorrow. i think tomorrow i'll pull ada from hiatus unless something comes up. so. we'll see.

[bloodredbitcharchive]

tagged by crownofsmiles ; 5 facts about ada-mun --

Two. Right after graduation, which by the way I did NOT go to, lol I slept in. Anyway. I moved out to Arizona which for those of you who don't know is literally all the way across the country from New York, my home. I'd only visited there once before on vacation with my Aunt, my aunt was great and she just offered to let me try and start my life out there. I was gonna' apply to a college, I got my first job at a TJ Maxx, but... Sigh. Four months went by and I had a breakdown, I dunno what happened really. Maybe I missed my mom, but I bolted home. That was two years ago... Haven't done anything since besides have a couple of crappy jobs at a K-mart and a convenience store. Thing is I regret coming home, there was never anything for me here except being with my mom, and since I grew up ALWAYS having my mom around? I guess that was enough to make me not wanna live so far away. So now I'm 20 and living at home -- no income, no addition to society, I'm a shut in, and taking care of my 84 year old grandfather 24/7. He's got alzheimers and dementia, and he's a real dick. Always has been. Except it's worse now because he just has no idea who anyone is or anything and yeah, trust me it ain't no pleasure cruise.

Three. I have a brother and sister. Well half brother and half sister, my brother is my father's son and my sister is my mother's daughter. They had children before they met, and I wasn't born til my mom was in her mid 30's and my dad, well he had to be 20 something? IDK. Anyway -- you don't hear me talking about them a lot because my sister got pregnant when she was 15, I was still a little toddler and she moved out with her boyfriend, who was nothing but a dick and they recently got divorced and she's still with an idiot, but point is, never really had a sister to bond with and my brother? He's always been pretty messed up. My Dad didn't know he existed until he was 14? And then when my Dad got custody... Things got bad. He wanted to play best friends with my brother, my dad has never been a / good / father figure. He's an alcoholic, a bad one. I have a lot of issues with him tbh, the very thought of him irks me. Anyway, he let my brother get away with and do whatever he wanted and he ended up going down a nasty drug path. He's been in and out of jail and rehab. He's been missing for a while now, actually. At least I guess. My brother saved my life once so.... I miss him, love him, wish he'd get better, but anyway that's why folks rarely hear me speaking of my siblings. Really not much good to say about them.

Four. I think I have a number of pretty screwy mental issues. I probably do I mean I haven't / really / been diagnosed, exception of major depressive disorder and some type of bi-polar thing. I don't really go to doctors, because they're usually full of shit and thing is? I'm very paranoid. I overthink everything and the world is just a load of crap to me. I mean there ain't much point of working towards anything when I'll die and it won't matter because uh I'll be dead??? I get overly anxious about nearly everything, and the littlest things make me sad or pissed, I mean I can barely go a day without breaking down in tears. And Hell I'm afraid of everything. I can't even sleep in the dark. Aaaah. And my ego bounces up and down in the most unusual ways. Some days I am a goddamn queen, top bitch. Nothing can bring me down, but those days are less and less anymore. I just know when I say something, it's usually right. Arguing with me is pointless because I have a reason behind EVERYTHING I say or do. And I contemplate everything. Basically all I want out of life is a lot of money and nothing to worry about. Money and total isolation. Freedom from thoughts. Freedom from irritations. I just don't want to have to do anything or think about anything.

Five. I have an issue with literally everyone. Even if I love them to the ends of the Earth, there is always something about everyone that irritates me depending on the day. It might be because of how easily my mood switches, but I'm literally two different people -- maybe more??? I mean. I have this thing where one day literally all I want to do is murder someone. & the thing is -- murder doesn't freak me out. Killing happens, it's the ideal that being thrown in jail would happen that freaks me out. If there weren't consequences, I would do anything I wanted. Most people use their morality and say murder is wrong, blah blah something is wrong, but I don't agree. I think it's the true nature of humanity to do the things that the laws try to keep us from doing. We're just controlled. I hate it. I hate this world as it is. I want a chaotic world, where all you need to think of is survival, now how am I going to keep paying for this government I never asked for, or how am I going to pay for anything. Currency is just another thing that controls us. Fuck it, I want total freedom and utter chaos. Sue me, but that's what I want.

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outofcharacter. Well, I dunno what to say. Replies are completely impossible for me lately -- I get a random one out every now and then but I'm in such a hole of depression. I am, and I know I've been losing a lot of followers. I'm sorry. Love you guys a lot, but my mind is in some dark places. I feel like complete and total shit, yanno? I really dunno what to promise. M'just ill feeling. & I promise I'm not leaving, but please just be patient? That's all I can ask of you guys. Thank you to those of you who are standing by me -- I appreciate it a lot. Anyway, yeah. I would really love some random asks -- Ada needs them. Seriously, she does. She needs to be pestered.

[bloodredbitcharchive]

outofcharacter. I'll probably reblog this a few times, but tonight is the night I start taking a new medication, Zoloft. An anti-depressant that well... I've never taken anything for depression or anything to stabilize my mood, this is very new to me and I'm a bit unsure how it will affect me. The point is, if I seem strange, if I am avoiding being on tumblr, that is why. I might be on for morale support to be honest, because side-effects are... Apparently sporadic depending on the person. So yeah, that's a heads up. I may take a hiatus if they hit me too hard.