#murbeft

[lanepryce]

ben as pilate was the epitome of [john mulaney voice] EVERYBODY GET OUTTA MY WAY. I JUST WANT TO SIT HERE AND TALK TO THIS JESUS.

angry mob: CRUCIFY HIM

pilate: 

[aplaceforrtprompts]

(Congrats on the milestone, btw!!!!!) And for the thing: Joel Heyman, "Gold, Guns, Girls" by Metric, and for plot....him and the reader are former crewmates who get together for "one last heist" and things start to go wrong and it makes them realize they have feelings for each other beyond snippy banter, one liners, and joking about how much they save the other from getting killed. sdkjlhkadjhlkfgda

Word Count: 1,241

Warnings: Blood, guns, normal GTA things

Song: Gold, Guns, Girls by Metric

“God, when did we get so boring?” you moaned sitting down at his desk.

Joel just looked up at you with a half smile and shrugged, “We grew up.”

You leaned to look at his computer, just spreadsheets. “We use to run this town before those Fakes showed up it was the Cock Bites. Me, you, Burnie, Gus, Matt, Geoff. Geoff’s still in it though. Why can’t we be?”

Joel turned away from his work, clearly, you weren’t going to let him finish, “We got older. I mean how many times can we save each other's asses before it’s the last time. Better to do it on our on terms and while we’re still breathing.”

“It’s ironic though isn’t it?” you asked.

“What is?” he sighed, dramatically but you knew he was just being Joel.

“That we work at a bank? I mean how many did we rob back in our prime. Who let us work here?” you teased and Joel’s hand went up to cover your mouth.

“Shh,” he hushed, “People are nosey around here. Why are you even bringing this up.” You licked Joel’s hand and he pulled it away giving you a disgusted look. “Why?”

You just hopped down of the desk and shut his door, locking it before returning back to him, “I caught wind of a job.”

“Another job? Is it a bank? Is their health insurance good?” he questioned.

You punched his shoulder, “Not that kind of job. A real job. An end all be all. One last mission. Just me and you. I know Burnie and Matt went over to the dark side with the police and Gus is underground and we all know where Geoff is. I’d do it on my own but I’d really love some backup. We do this through and bye bye banks and hello private island.”

“What are you talking about? We can’t just pick up and go do some random job. We’re not twenty anymore,” Joel looked at you incredulously.

“This is what we’ve always talked about though. Our final mission. I caught wind of a special delivery on the dock tomorrow night. Worth millions. I even managed to find someone with a few photos of the plans for the movement of this shipment. Some very bad people have some very special crates coming in,” you grinned wickedly.

“No. We’re done. Out. We can’t do this,” Joel refused.

You took a few steps closer and ran a finger down his chest before leaning up and whispering into his ear, “It’s gold. A shipment of pure gold.”

When you step back Joel just hung his head and held out his hand, “Let me see the plans. You know I can’t handle it when you talk dirty to me.”

The whole next day you were on a high. You weren’t going to lie, you missed heists with a passion. There was something special about the thrill of the prep, almost getting caught, then getting away with it all. Sure your crew managed mostly small heists back in the day hence the day jobs now but this was it. This is what you have all been dreaming of.

You practically bounced into the car when Joel rolled up.

“Shouldn’t we have a getaway driver? Are we sure Gus wasn’t available?” Joel asked ignoring your enthusiasm.

“What’s wrong? Can’t stand being alone with me? Can’t keep up old man?” you teased.

Joel rolled his eyes but the smile evident on his lips, “If we’re in there and we need a quick escape us rushing to a running car with a driver who was ready we’d get out a lot quicker is all. All though being alone with you is always a dream of mine.” He pat your thigh.

You froze as he touched you, a strange sensation running through you but you chocked it up to the adrenaline.

“That’s the Joel I remember,” you shook your head at his comment, “Now remember how to get in and out. We have only a small window but it's there.”

“Yes, mom,” he half sang.

“Okay, smartass, go over it again. I want to hear it,” you urged him.

Joel went over it over and over the rest of the way to the docks. All your intel was holding up as you snuck in. The pile of gold was more than you could ever hope for. You began loading the bag up as fast as you could. Joel kept an eye on the time as also loaded his bag.

He grabbed your shoulder, “Okay. Time’s up.”

“Just a few more,” you waved him off.

“Y/N, come on,” he urged.

“Almost done. I want to load up,” you explained.

“Hey!”

You looked up alarmed, the voice wasn’t Joel’s. A gun was aimed at you. You were quicker though and grabbed yours and before the guard even thought about pulling the trigger there was a bullet in his skull.

“Go!” you shouted though Joel was already ahead of you, grabbing the door.

You heard more security behind you as you took off. You didn’t dare look back. There was gunfire but you were lucky in dodging it. You were almost to the car when suddenly you felt something rip through your chest.

You clutched at the fabric, wet and sticky. If you could see in the dark you would have guessed red. You looked to Joel who was at the driver’s door. Fear written on this face.

His face was the last thing you saw before your world went black.

You didn’t expect to wake up so when you did it was with quite the start. You yelled out in pain and grabbed your chest in fear.

A warm hand took yours though and you looked around until a pair of familiar eyes found yours.

“I’m not dead,” your voice cracked.

Joel let out a half-hearted laugh, “Had to save your ass one last time. Well, really Jack did. She stitched you up. I brought you here though.”

“Jack? Are we- Is this-” you looked around carefully but the room was windowless.

“Geoff’s place? Yeah? Only place I could think to take you. He was cool with it and a cut of the gold,” Joel looked displeased at that last part.

“A cut? We made it? Last job was a success?” you asked hopefully.

Joel sighed and ran his free hand through his hair, “You could say that. I want to talk to you about something though. We can take our share and go. Anywhere you want. I don’t care as long as that was our last job. Promise me,” he looked down at you, waiting.

You sighed and looked away, “Joel. I’m fine. We’re good but that was so much fun. You don’t want to do that again?”

“No!” he slammed his fist down. “You were out for three days. I thought you were dead. I thought you were gone before I could tell you.”

“Tell me?” you raised an eyebrow. “Tell me what?”

Joel looked conflicted and he opened his mouth a few times, nothing came out though. He finally just leaned down and kissed you.

You were shocked but it felt nice, it felt right. You wrapped your arms around his neck keeping him there until the door burst open.

“Well, it took you two fucks long enough,” Geoff smirked, standing in the doorway. “Only took one of you almost dying though.”

[aplaceforrtprompts]

i ship you with chris!

I think you’d be cute with Joel!

“How was the trip?” you asked positioning yourself better on the bed looking at your best friend through your laptop. Joel wasn’t even in frame as he dug around his bag.

“Awful. The flight was delayed an hour but only after we got on the plane. The kid behind me was part kangaroo and kept kicking my seat,” he paused with a deep sigh, “TSA decided they needed to dig through my bag. I think they took something. It’s just the usual complaints.” He shook his head before picking up the laptop and setting it on a desk and sitting down so he could actually talk to you. “Tell me about your day.”

“Same old. Same old,” you shrugged. “Currently though I’m in bed in sweats watching the game, wishing you were here to yell at the ump. It’s pretty bad.”

Joel smiled at the remark, “Hey, when I get back can we talk about things.”

“We can always talk but what things. We can’t talk now?” you asked.

Joel gave you a look that made your heart melt. He looked tired but beaten down from the day but you could tell that didn’t matter since he got to talk to you. He looked down at his hands then back up. “I wanted to do it in person but maybe this is better since I won’t chicken out. I wanted to see if taking our relationship to the next level would be something your interested in.”

“Joel,” you breathed out.

“Listen, it’s okay if you don’t but just this is the highlight when I travel, talking to you, after work its watching the game with you, every day its just seeing you smile. It’s okay if you don’t want to as long as your still in my life-”

“Joel,” you interrupted. He looked up at you again. “Yes.”

“Yes?” he scrambled, moving closer to the screen.

“Yes,” you nodded with the biggest smile.

[lanepryce]

your "it me" tag is 3 lizard posts and one mothman post. and if that doesnt just explain you to a tee i just dont know what will. except maybe when you left me the entire lyrics to the booty song in my ask box.

I KNOW WHAT I’M ABOUT, SON. 

[lanepryce]

that post about peter as tony's son in infinity war would fall in line with maya hansen's 'actually he's 13' joke [sweats]

oh nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

[celestialcoterie]

HAP BIRTH GOOD FROND

THANK 

[celestialcoterie]

murbeft replied to your post: oh hey i made it to 22 that’s cool

BRITHDAYEEEEE

YES THAT THING!!

[lanepryce]

murbeft replied to your post:feelin some kinda way today

i always suggest a light meal and yogic breathing beforehand

we had dominoes and decided we didn’t feel like watching ancient aliens anymore