DATE: Saturday, September 18, 2021
CHARACTERS: Kieran and Jack
ABOUT:
"Don't you feel degraded? As though you're the inferior one, succumbing to his every will, tending to his every need?"
Jack blinked twice. "He's a dog."
"Even more so," Kieran added. "Look at the size of him. You could be his destroyer, and yet here you are with a handful of his feces."
Jack grimaced up at Kieran. "Have you ever loved?"
"Yes, myself, constantly."
"Ew," Jack groaned. "It's not about the... I don't know, the servitude. That's just, like, part of the deal. It's about the comfort and love that the dog gives you. The companionship." Lil' Jack barked, almost as if in agreement.
"Fascinating," Kieran muttered in response, rubbing his chin in contemplation.
"I don't know why I have to explain this to you. You of all people should get it."
"Why so?"
"I mean, you're lonely as fuck."
"Eat your words, hermit."
"Pfft," Jack spat with a laugh. "Tell me I'm wrong. Weren't you the one who texted me to hang out for the last three days?"
"I felt pity for you," Kieran defended.
"Sure."
"I have plenty of other friends with whom I could have spent my time, you should be thankful."
"Name three that aren't related to you."
"There's the friendly airhead with whom I tan in close proximity," Kieran listed, putting up one finger. "And Alec, whose energy could compensate for two whole people. So there."
Jack rolled his eyes. "If you really had that many friends, we wouldn't be hanging out now. I mean, we don't even like the same things. You just got to know me because of Parker."
"Isn't it good that I branched out?"
"I mean, yeah, I guess." Jack glanced down at his dog, who was very intently examining a fallen acorn. "How about this—I told Elaine I would farm-sit for her tonight while she makes an overnight delivery. I was gonna bring Lil' Jack but he honestly doesn't like sleeping anywhere outside of my bed. Would you be down to dog sit him tonight? Just like keep him company, feed him at 8, and then you can leave once he falls asleep."
"Me? You want me, who just verbally eviscerated you as a dog-owner, to watch your dog?"
"Yeah," Jack confirmed with confidence. "Lil' Jack is, like, the chillest dog I've ever met. And he's a little bitch, just like you. You'll get along great."
Kieran flashed a middle finger.
"Come by at six." Jack tugged on his dog's leash and started back toward his cabin.
"I didn't agree to this," Kieran called out.
"See you later!" Jack sang.
-
"What the fuck..." Kieran stood with his mouth agape at the nearly empty refrigerator. A bag of white bread, a pint of white milk, and a mason jar of white yogurt were all that occupied the top shelf. The only color that occupied the space was a sliced-up steak in a Tupperware marked 'LIL JACK'. Kieran gave the dog, sitting beside him in anticipation, a nasty side-eye. "How is it that the only real food in this house is reserved for you?"
He watched in disdain and amusement as the dog lapped up the small pieces of steak off the floor.
Had the privilege of living with Parker colored Kieran's perception of how common folk actually ate? Was it standard practice for dog owners to live in starving conditions while their animals feasted like kings?
'To feast on meat while my servantly owner starved,' Kieran pondered. 'Then to make him pick up my excrement with his own hands! The lowly remains of my fine dining and a reminder of his servitude to me!'
Kieran laughed and shook his head. "Wow," he whispered down at Lil' Jack. "You really are a little bitch."
-
"Why are you still here?"
Kieran's eyes flickered open. The room was dark with the TV still going in front of him. Lil' Jack was curled up on Kieran's lap and Kieran's fingers were curled up in Lil' Jack's fur. A smug grin formed on Jack's face.
"Well, look who's getting along."
"Alright, fine," Kieran admitted. "I did find his company to be quite comforting."
"What did you do?"
"I fed him his dinner—which was pitiful to find, by the way—then sat on the couch and watched telenovelas with him until we fell asleep. His comprehension skills are disturbingly high, you should consider training him bilingually."
"Um, I can barely speak English, so..." Jack shrugged. "Anyway, Elaine actually just made the delivery and decided to make the drive back tonight, so you can go now. That is if you can stand to leave your new friend behind."
"Don't flatter yourself. Or your dog." Kieran lifted the sleeping dog off of his lap and onto the couch.
"Okay, but clearly you enjoyed his company, so."
"Fine. I'll admit that I was wrong about dogs. Or at least this one," he relinquished. "His company was quite pleasant. But you were wrong about one thing too."
"And what's that?"
Kieran glanced down at the dog, whose fur was still stained with the grease and juice of the steak dinner from hours before. Jack would have to give him a bath later, Kieran imagined with a smirk. Kieran started toward the door and leaned in toward Jack as he passed him. "The only bitch in this house is you."
Kieran typically tried to avoid coming into the bakery while Parker was working there because it was nice for each of them to have their own private space, but a nice opportunity had suddenly presented itself and Kieran wanted to make sure he could snatch Parker up before he made other plans. “Hello,” Kieran greeted the cashier as he stepped up to the counter. “I’d like to place an order for one Parker Valentine?” Kieran glanced at the time on his phone. “I believe one should be free in about two minutes?”
“I have to warn you,” Kieran breathed with a chuckle, his hands already sticky. “My dexterity is lacking. I may ruin a few of your sheets.”
Date night was going well. Kieran had come over to the Tyche cabin earlier in the evening ready for anything and now here they were, rolling sushi on kitchen towels. Kieran flicked some rice off his fingers and picked up a fresh sheet of seaweed to lay down on his makeshift mat. “Worst case scenario, we turn whatever I destroy into a poke bowl.”
DATE: Wednesday, May 6, 2020
CHARACTERS: Kieran and Parker
ABOUT: Kieran and Parker are hungover. They discuss the “A” word.
For all the alcohol he had to drink, Kieran was not as hungover as he expected to be. Or maybe it was just that he was feeling so spiritually hungover that the physical symptoms paled in comparison.
Kieran wasn't the type to black out. Even at his most intoxicated, he always remembered everything the next morning, for better or for worse. The memory of telling Parker about his date and kiss with Alec was replaying vividly in Kieran's mind. And by the light of sobriety, Kieran only realized more and more how awkwardly it went. One ibuprofen and stale croissant later, Kieran was still mulling over the tense conversation when he heard signs of life coming from the bathroom. Then, retching.
Parker had somehow fallen asleep on the bathroom floor and Kieran, unable to move him, slid a pillow from the living room under his head before calling it a night. With a tall glass of water in hand, Kieran trudged toward the bathroom. He knocked on the door twice before opening it. "I suppose that second batch of piña coladas wasn't the brightest idea."
Parker was grateful that both he and Kieran were fairly adamant about keeping every part of the apartment clean while he was slumped against the toilet seat. In reality, it was probably a good thing that he fell asleep in the bathroom, that way he could drag his half-conscious form from one end of the floor to the other, rather than actually deal with trying to stand and walk in his condition. His head throbbed harder with each wave of nausea, and he wasn't sure if this hangover was a punishment for how he'd made fun of Malia, for drinking as much as he did on a Tuesday, or for the way he'd reacted to Kieran's news.
Parker could remember pieces of their conversation, but more the overall tone than anything else. They had kissed, and he was guilty. He wanted to think of anything else, and yet there Kieran was above him, holding a glass of water. Parker stared up at him, cheek pressed to the toilet seat out of sheer inability to hold it up any more. "Did we finish a whole bottle of rum between four of us?"
"We were a party of completionists," Kieran confirmed with a grim nod. He set the glass of water down on the floor beside Parker. "I don't mean to be a voyeur to your expulsion. Just thought I'd check on you considering you... Sought the comfort of the bathroom tile."
Parker lifted his head to to grab the glass of water, but his head was spinning too much, so he rested it on the toilet seat again, half-closing his eyes. "Ugh, yeah. Did you bring me a pillow?" He didn't remember falling asleep, but he did remember turning on the shower and not getting in, which was probably a good thing, since he may have ended up passing out in the shower rather than out of it.
Kieran chuckled. "Yes, I was concerned about your neck. I considered relocating you, but I don't think I'd have the capability to do that sober."
"That's so nice," Parker mumbled. "I'd hug you for it if I wasn't disgusting and dying."
"Your sentiment is received," Kieran assured. "I'll give you some space." He stepped back out into the living room and pulled the bathroom door ajar behind him in case Parker might feel awkward being seen vomiting.
After about ten minutes, Parker was about to lift his head again without heaving. The fact that he had nothing in his stomach had not stopped him before, but it seemed to stop now as he sat up, sipped his water slowly, and then stood to brush his teeth and wash his face. He stepped out of the bathroom and squinted out at his too-bright apartment. He refilled his water glass and took a seat on the couch next to his brother. "Hi. Did I single-handedly finish off half that bottle myself, or does Dionysus have something against me?"
"I unfortunately wasn't keeping track of your consumption, but you were impressively intoxicated last night," Kieran mentioned with a grin. "I can't speak to Mr. D's feelings."
Kieran pulled his feet up onto the couch and rested his chin on his knees. "Do you remember much of last night?"
Parker drew his legs up and wrapped his arms around them, leaning his face against the couch now as he turned his body to face Kieran. There was certainly parts that were fuzzy, but he did remember most of what he assumed Kieran wanted him to. He thought for a moment about feigning ignorance so that Kieran could retell him everything, that way he could react for the first time all over again and seem like less of a freak. Instead, he nodded slowly. “Most of it.”
Kieran nodded. The downside of having this conversation drunk was that it amplified any sort of awkwardness, but the upside was that Kieran was brave enough to have the conversation at all. Now in the light of day, Kieran wished he could avoid mentioning the subject but knew that it would only ferment if they left it alone for too long. "And how are you feeling this morning?"
Like shit. Parker's head throbbed with each beat of his heart, but that was only one part of why having this conversation was uncomfortable. "I think... it's... good," Parker started slowly, trying to choose his words carefully. "That you are feeling things that you..." He frowned a bit, then restarted. "Like, you said that you hadn't..." He stopped again and sighed. "How are you feeling?"
Kieran smirked as Parker tried to stumble his way through a sentence. "I'm feeling fine. Like I said last night, I'm mostly curious about your opinion. I..." Kieran paused. "I understand how this might be strange and that in a way I've crossed some line. I suppose this me is asking how deep that line is cut," Kieran explained. "I don't want to do anything that's going to create a rift between us."
“I’d probably cause a bigger rift by trying to stop you.” Parker shook his head. “I was just some type of... drunk emotional last night.” He sighed, mostly looking at the couch. “I have no feelings for Alec. Like, none,” Parker said, sure of himself. “But...” He pressed his lips together. “If I’m honest, I don’t know if I’ll really want to hang out with, like, the two of you. Not right away.”
Kieran nodded. "I completely understand. Any boundaries you'd like to establish, I'm more than happy to respect. And that—I think that would probably be a wise decision regardless."
Parker frowned and shook his head again, only slightly this time, to keep his headache from spiking. “I think... I’m fine with how it is, just...” He frowned, not fully sure where he was going with that sentence. “Nothing. Just, do what makes you happy. I’ll... I’ll be happy if you are, and if something you do makes me unhappy, I’ll tell you.”
A small frown pulled at the corner of Kieran's lips. He wished that Parker could have the foresight to tell Kieran what would make him unhappy before it happened, but Kieran knew better than to expect that kind of self-awareness from Parker. Kieran barely had it himself. "That sounds fair," he nodded. "Though I hope to never reach that point."
Parker hummed in agreement so that he didn’t have to nod. He slowly pushed himself up, then rested his hand on Kieran’s shoulder. “I don’t think you will.” He sighed and stood fully, then rubbed his eyes. “I’m going to... lie in bed in the dark for a few hours, I think.”
Kieran snorted. "Alright. Let me know if you need anything. As per usual, I will be here, unmoving and unblinking."
DATE: Tuesday, May 5, 2020
CHARACTERS: Kieran and Parker
ABOUT: Kieran tells Parker about Alec.
Kieran shut off the faucet, hanging the last of the glasses on the dish rack. The clock above the stove flashed 10:17 in a dim green. Kieran truly enjoyed having the company of Malia and Alec. He just wished they wouldn't stay so late. "Fun night," Kieran called over to Parker, who was running the sink in the bathroom.
Parker spit and rinsed off his toothbrush, then turned the faucet off. "Yeah!" He leaned against the doorframe. "This was really fun."
Kieran smiled. "It was." He hovered in the center of the living room for a moment, suddenly unsure if this was a good idea. "I'm happy to be watching movies with you and Malia again," he stalled. "As well as Alec."
Parker nodded and wiped his mouth on the back of his arm. "It's nice watching them again. We can watch another old one, in black and white and French and stuff."
"Sure," Kieran agreed with a nod. His gaze drifted off toward the windows. "You know, something funny happened last week. I actually..." Kieran shrugged. "I think I went on a date with Alec."
Parker blinked, still relying on the doorframe to support most of his weight. "Huh..." He drew his eyebrows together, trying to decide how he felt about this. He couldn't tell. "Why?"
"Why did I go on a date with Alec or why do I think that I did?" Kieran asked.
Parker squinted as he tried to recall which he was looking for clarification on. “The second one?”
Kieran nodded. "I don't think that either of us entered the night with the intention of it being a date. We were just hanging out, but I suppose things escalated from there," Kieran trailed off. "And... We kissed."
Parker, again, found that he couldn’t tell what exactly he was feeling or how he should have been feeling. “Ah, um...” He pressed himself into the doorway. “Why?”
Kieran exhaled a laugh. "I don't know. It felt... Appropriate?" He shrugged. "Because I wanted to."
Parker frowned. “Okay.”
Kieran's lips pulled to the corner as Parker frowned. "Are you upset with me?"
Parker pressed a hand into the wall to push himself up and shook his head. “No.”
"But you disapprove," Kieran clarified.
Parker rubbed his face. “Um, I don’t... I’m not, like... I don’t know.”
Kieran nodded, his lips pressed into a frown. "Understandable."
Parker held the sink with one hand and pulled his eyebrows together. “Are you upset with me?”
"No," Kieran replied, shaking his head. "No, I'm not upset with you. I'm just..." Kieran trailed off. Just a few months ago, he had been so upset about feeling left out of the loop. He wondered if this was one of those moments, where not being honest now might come back to bite somebody. "Truthfully... I kissed Alec because I think I like them. And I've never had that experience before, which is why I'm... Speaking so vaguely." Kieran shook his head. "But I also know that you have a complicated relationship. And first and foremost I value our friendship. Our... Brotherhood. And I don't want to damage that." Kieran frowned. "So if anything, you're the one who has a right to be upset."
Parker frowned more and shook his head at Kieran’s speech. Kieran was being so kind and considerate of Parker’s feelings, and all that Parker could focus on was how he was feeling, rather than trying to understand how his brother felt. A wave of guilt ran through him, and his chest grew tight as he shook his head. “You’re not going to damage our brotherhood. You’re, like–“ He swallowed, voice shakey. “You couldn’t,” he whispered.
The tremble in Parker's voice made Kieran's frown deepen. He crossed his arms and sighed. "I'm sorry... Maybe this wasn't the right time to talk about this."
“No, fuck, sorry.” Parker pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes and shook his head, then dropped them after a shuddering breath; attempt to compose himself. “Ugh, I don’t know why I’m...” He clenched his jaw. “You’re my favourite person. I don’t... Care who you like.”
"But you do care to some degree," Kieran pointed out, his tone more observational than accusatory.
"Ugh." Parker shook his head and leaned against the doorway again, slumping against it so he didn't have to focus on keeping himself fully upright. "Not, like..." He frowned. "Only because it's... Alec," Parker said slowly and then made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat. "But, like, not, like... I dunno."
Kieran nodded. He thought about replying but instead remained silent in the hope that it would encourage Parker to say more about how he felt.
Parker waited for a response that didn’t come, and figured he was expected to continue. “Like, I don’t like them or anything, but, like, we’ve...” He pressed his face into the wall. “It’s just weird, like, I just think it’s kind of– I don’t care, like, like it doesn’t matter? Like, it’s just... I just think it’s weird.”
Kieran nodded. He'd always been thankful that Aphrodite had somehow forgotten to flip the switch that made Kieran care about sex the way other people did, but now he was silently cursing himself for not having that awareness. Kieran knew that it would be weird because he had a cultural understanding of what other people found weird, but he couldn't quite empathize with the distress that Parker seemed to be feeling. "If it's any consolation, it's not a concern for me. And if it is for Alec, they haven't mentioned it."
Parker’s face was hot. The fact that he was the only one with any sort of problem with what was happening was not a comfort, but instead made guilt twist through him again. “I don’t know why I find it weird.” It was a lie, but it was easier than the truth. “I guess Malia knows?”
Kieran sighed. "Apparently, that's what she was speaking to Alec in the kitchen about. Though, I'm not sure how she figured it out."
Parker shrugged one shoulder. "Her power, I guess." He pushed himself off of the doorframe again and leaned back on the sink.
Kieran furrowed a brow. "What power?"
Parker shook his head. "She can, like, tell when people... I dunno, their relationship? She's never mentioned it to you?"
"No," Kieran mentioned with a frown. "I thought she just had an aptitude for that kind of thing."
Parker shrugged in response and shook his head. "Nah, mother dearest just really likes her, I guess." He scowled.
"I suppose so," Kieran agreed. He remained silent for a moment, not quite sure where he and Parker stood. "It's quite late," Kieran pointed out. "Perhaps we should get some rest, discuss this again tomorrow."
Parker frowned and picked at the hem of his shirt. He didn't want to discuss it again, and he also didn't want to step out of the bathroom, almost fearing that if he went to bed and woke up, everything would be more real than it already was. He nodded. "Sure, yeah. I'm going to shower. Do you need the bathroom?"
Kieran shook his head. "I can wait. I think I'll be awake for little while anyway."
Parker lifted his lips in a small smile and nodded. “Cool.” He closed the door between them, turned the shower on, and sat down on the bathroom floor so he could decompress before going to bed.
DATE: Tuesday, May 5, 2020
CHARACTERS: Alec, Kieran, Malia, Parker
ABOUT: The Devil Wears Prada, Alec wears cargo shorts. Coconut milk, cow’s milk, Jack’s milk. A round of roasts and a round of toasts.
Kieran was just finishing rimming a round of glasses with salt when there was a knock at the door. "Can one of you get that, please?"
Parker started to set up the blender and all of his ingredients. "I'm busy testing the Pina Colada recipe!" He called from the kitchen.
Alec hopped up immediately. "You betcha!" They jogged over to the door and opened it. "Welcome! Bienvenue! Enter please."
Kieran looked up at the mention of piña coladas, suddenly wondering if he was meant to be rimming the glasses with salt. He laughed to himself then starting wiping the glasses clean with a napkin before Parker noticed.
Malia walked in through the doorway, her face lighting up at the sight of Alec. "Hi best friend," she said, kissing their cheek on her way inside. "Hello brothers!"
Alec beamed back and stepped aside to let her in. After closing the door, they headed over to Kieran to watch what he was doing.
Parker gave Malia a small wave and covered his ears as he turned the blender on.
"Hey Mal," Kieran called back. He smirked at Alec and pushed them away while he wiped the salt off the rims. "Don't look at me."
Alec laughed and swayed away when Kieran pushed them until they had to take a step back. "I love when my pina coladas taste like salt. Really reminds me of sitting on a beach." They grinned at him.
Malia slid into a seat at the table, watching Alec settle next to Kieran. Her eyes narrowed as she watched their interaction, but she looked away before either of them could sense her stare. She looked to Parker and stood, walking over to his side. "Need any help?" she asked once the blender was off.
"Alright, this one's yours," Kieran retorted, sliding the only remaining salted cup toward Alec. "Enjoy the sodium."
Parker shook his head and smiled as he held up the blender. "These are vegan," he said proudly.
Alec gave Parker two thumbs up and a grin. "Woohoo!" They picked up the glass Kieran slid towards them and licked some of the salt. "I don't remember the last time I had a pina colada."
Malia wasn't sure how difficult it was to make these vegan, but she beamed anyway. "Oooh, impressive! I haven't had one either, in like forever." She glanced over to Kieran and Alec briefly. "What are we watching?"
Kieran gave Parker a light round of applause. "Your wonders never cease." He then stood and walked over to the living room area and picked up the DVD case of The Devil Wears Prada. "An old favorite."
Parker beamed at the praise and walked over to fill the glasses. He tilted his head at Alec's and furrowed his brow. "Is that... salt?"
Alec pressed their lips together so they didn't laugh. "Mhm!"
"Ugh, yes. Kieran, I love you." She walked over to where he left the glasses and picked them up so Parker could pour their drinks at his station.
Kieran gave Mal a smile and tried not to laugh at Parker's confusion. "I may have misunderstood. I was just very excited at the prospect of rimming a glass."
"I'm curious to try it," Alec contributed.
Malia thought this was proof enough but kept any commentary she had to herself and pressed her lips together to hide a smile. She leaned against a counter to wait for the drinks to be poured.
Parker laughed and shook his head at Kieran. "I can make margaritas next time." He poured some of the drink into Alec's salted glass.
Alec took a sip and considered the taste for a few seconds. "I feel like Remy," they decided. "This is putting fireworks in my mind."
Parker frowned when Alec called themself Remy and seemed to be thinking about something for a moment. He shook his head and poured glasses for Malia and Kieran.
Kieran snorted as he returned to the kitchen to retrieve his own glass. "Perhaps I'm just an innovator then." He picked up his glass and waited for Mal and Parker to do the same.
Malia picked up her glass and intended to bring Kieran's over to him, but he returned to grab his own before she could. She didn't move, wanting to wait to see where the others decided to arrange themselves before sitting herself.
Alec lifted their glass in cheers. "Thanks for making these, Parker!"
"Seconded," Kieran added, also lifting his glass.
Parker poured the last glass and took it for himself. "No problem. I'll be sure to add a spoonful of salt to the next batch."
Malia lifted her glass as well, then immediately lowered it. "Ew, Parker."
"Desgostang," Kieran whispered in faux disapproval.
Alec snorted, then covered their mouth.
Parker rolled his eyes but smiled. "You guys always bully me. I hate this family," he said dramatically.
Malia laughed, lifting her glass again toward Kieran. She finally took a sip while she glanced at Alec, then turned to Parker and lightly hit his arm. "Parks, shut up, you love us. Also, this is super good."
Kieran finally took a sip, then nodded in agreement. "It's true. I only bully you to keep you humble, lest you discover your limitless talents and leave us all in the dust." Kieran returned back to the couch, sitting in the middle left, where he normally sat for these nights.
Alec paused to take another sip then followed Kieran to the couch and sat beside him, pulling their legs in front of them. "I would die for Meryl Streep."
"My limitless talents," Parker repeated after Kieran under his breath, laughed, and walked into the living room after Kieran, then took a seat next to him on the couch. "I can love you guys and still hate this family."
"Don't be rude, Parker," Malia scoffed as she sat in the last available spot next to Alec. She nudged them lightly. "I would also die for Meryl Streep," she said to just them.
"I don't think Meryl Streep would very much appreciate my diabetic sacrificial corpse, so I unfortunately cannot say the same," Kieran sighed.
Parker snorted into his drink and shook his head. "You guys are so weird."
Alec sighed happily at the validation from Malia. They tilted their head to rest on her shoulder. "You get me."
Malia wrinkled her nose at Kieran's comment. She hummed and kissed the top of Alec's head. She glanced back up to her brothers and then at the TV.
Once everyone was settled, Kieran leaned forward to grab the remote and hit play. "This one I have seen before, so snide commentary is welcome." He turned to look at Alec then added, "Assuming that we've all seen it before as well."
Alec lifted their head to smile at Kieran. "I have! Like, ten times, my stepmom was obsessed with it."
"Of course I've seen this before, Kieran," Malia said to the TV before taking another sip of her drink.
"The question was not directed at you, Malia. I do believe we've watched this together." Kieran leaned back against the couch, gave Alec's leg a pat, and started bobbing along to the opening song.
Alec laughed and settled so their arm was against Kieran's. They took a sip of their pina colada. "I love all the clothes in this movie. I want someone to let me loose in a giant closet."
Parker drew his feet up onto the couch, not answering the question because Kieran already knew that he'd seen the movie. "This could be my story, guys."
Kieran snorted. "Yes, I could very much see you as the boyfriend who complains about Jarlsberg cheese."
Parker scoffed. "Shut up. I meant because you all roast me for not dressing well, and then I could become a fashion icon."
Alec leaned forward to grin at Parker. "Are you asking for a full makeover?"
Malia laughed. "Because I'll totally do it, Parker. We all will. I'm just waiting for the day."
"Malia is the closest thing to Miranda you can find in New Athens," Kieran agreed. "Style-wise," he added with a chuckle.
Alec gasped and turned towards Malia. "It can be like what we were talking about! I can hand you the monkey wrench!"
Malia's grin widened over her face. "Oh my gods, our time has come, Alec!"
Parker rolled his eyes at everyone's excitement at the idea of him getting a makeover. "You guys act like I dress like a four year old. I'm sorry that t-shirts and jeans are comfortable, guys." He smiled and sipped his drink. "But maybe we can do one of those one day, yeah. Since you wanted to take me shopping anyway, Malia."
Alec nodded excitedly. "Just tell me what to do." They turned back towards the movie and drank more of their pina colada. Nudging Kieran, they nodded their head towards the screen. "Who's your favourite?"
"Of the characters in the movie or of the women presently enrobing onscreen?" Kieran chortled.
"All of them!" Alec grinned. "More choice."
Malia gave Parker a thumbs up and blew him a kiss from her spot on the other side of the couch, not wanting to continue the conversation over Kieran and Alec's heads.
"Well Miranda Priestley is obviously the character I empathize most with in the movie, but I suppose that Andi has some merits as well," Kieran offered with a shrug.
Alec nodded along, watching the screen. "Pina coladas are the perfect drink for this movie. I don't know why, but they are."
Parker smiling, taking that as a personal compliment, and then nodded. "Because they're sort of fancy?"
As they movie reached its closing, Kieran slapped his lap, nearly splashing the cup of rum in his other hand. "Well! I can confidently say that this movie did not bring me to tears. My condolences to Lady Streep, she gave a wonderful performance."
Parker snickered. "Lady Streep." He brought the cup to his lips to sip his rum and leaned back into the couch. "I think this movie is... quite sad."
Malia finished her pina colada very quickly and Kieran had passed out rum, so her face was warm and she was fully leaning into Alec. "This is not a weepy Streep performance," she agreed with Kieran, and then frowned at Parker. "Why!"
Kieran chuckled at Parker's thoughts. "Yes, Parker, why indeed?"
Alec laughed and wrapped an arm around Malia's shoulders as the movie ended. "How is it sad!"
Parker frowned. "I don't think anyone in it is ever happy. They're all so..." He took a long moment to find a word. "Vapid." He was pretty sure he was using it correctly. "And you're supposed to find it funny, or something, but then the whole thing is like..." He frowned and shook his head. "It doesn't matter. You guys are gonna make fun of me." He smiled. "I like the movie."
"Nonsense." Kieran slung an arm around Parker, mirroring Alec and Malia. "I value your opinions always, regardless of any impression my acerbic personality may impart on you."
"Noooooo," Malia said, her frown turning into a pout. "We won't make fun of you Parks, I promise."
Parker laughed. "You would have if I hadn't said that." He rested a hand on his cheek. "Acerbic personality," he repeated to himself under his breath and nodded. "I just found it sad."
Alec blinked, considering Parker's words. "Oh that.... that is sad."
Kieran pressed his lips into a smirk and just glanced over at Malia, ever so slightly shaking his head. He hoped she would understand everything he wanted to say in that moment.
Malia made eye contact with Kieran and smiled slightly, then turned her attention back to Alec. She shook their shoulder. "Not you, too!"
Alec laughed when Malia shook their shoulder. "It is! That's so sad." They leaned to their other side and put their head on Kieran's shoulder. "But still a great movie."
Kieran squeezed Alec's leg as they rested their head on his shoulder. "We need upliftment! Uplifting? We need to be uplifted!"
Malia watched this interaction with interest. She looked over to Parker, then to Kieran, giggling. "I agree." But before she got up, she tugged on Alec's shirt twice and hoped that would be enough to indicate that she wanted to talk.
Parker crossed his ankle over his knee and smiled a bit whimsically at nothing in particular. "I do like the movie. Sad movies are also good."
Alec smiled to themself and turned their head to press their cheek into Kieran's shoulder. "We do!" When Malia tugged their shirt they lifted their head and tilted it in question to her.
"Sad movies are good and necessary," Kieran agreed. "Sad movies are the broccolini of popular culture. Unpleasant and fibrous, but critical for our well-being."
Parker laughed and sipped more of his drink. "The broccoli of popular culture?"
She realized after the fact that she had no way of having this conversation in private without drawing attention to herself. Malia pulled out her phone and tapped Alec's shoulder with it, then wrote out a message to them.
so are u making the rounds w aphrodite kids? (;
u two are vvvvv cute tho
"The broccolini," Kieran clarified. "More stemmy and strandy. Nowhere near as enjoyable as a tender floret."
Alec looked between Malia's face and her phone, trying to figure out what she was attempting to tell them. Somewhere over by where they had left their shoes, their ringer chirped. "Hm?"
Parker blinked and nodded, not fully understanding what this had to do with movies. "That makes sense."
Malia sighed and rolled her head back on the couch. "Best friend, I have some hot gossip for you," she said quietly, hoping her brothers were too wrapped up in discussions of broccolini to notice. "Can we go whisper in the kitchen? Whisper."
"Whisper," Alec repeated back to her in a loud whisper as they hopped to their feet. "Okay!"
Kieran turned toward Alec as they got off the couch to join Malia. He narrowed his eyes at them. "I hope you're not retreating from the sofa to exchange pernicious gossip about my best friend." He squeezed Parker closer. "In our own home."
Alec grinned at Kieran. "I would never." They winked at him and turned to saunter towards the kitchen.
Malia gasped and put her hand to her chest in playful offense. "Kieran! How dare you accuse me of such a thing." She got up and followed Alec to the kitchen.
Parker smiled and let himself be pulled closer to Kieran, resting his head against his shoulder for a moment as he did. He smiled and then raised his head to look at the other two. "What are you gossiping about, then?"
"What?" Alec laughed and shrugged at Parker once they reached the kitchen. "I dunno."
"We too can gossip," Kieran pointed out before turning to Parker. In a hushed slur, he murmured, "This feels supicious."
Parker ducked his head and raised his eyebrows. "Them, or us? They both feel suspicious." He kept his voice low, then hiccuped.
Malia was tempted to say this was gossip about Chase or Cyrus so Parker would back off and Kieran would follow suit, but thought she might upset him and he seemed to already be on the verge. So, she just waved her hand dismissively at her brothers as she looked at Alec. "Hi," she said, hugging them. Then she whispered in their ear, "how long have you and Kieran been a thing? I swear to the gods if you answer me loudly I'm gonna throttle you."
"Them," Kieran clarified. He looked back over their shoulder to see Malia whispering. "What do you think they're discussing?"
Alec almost answered her loudly before her words sunk in, and they cautiously lowered their volume. "Oh." They pressed a hand to their cheek and smiled at her, glancing back over at Kieran briefly. "A thing? I don't know."
Parker looked over at Malia and Alec over the back of the couch and then looked back at Kieran. He lifted his shoulders in a shrug. "Us, probably? If they had to separate to talk about it." He glanced back at the kitchen and frowned slightly. "I wish they could have waited until tomorrow."
Malia sighed. "Okay. Well..." She could feel the mounting suspicion radiating from the couch and sighed again. "It's cute. That's all." She turned to the counter, grabbing the bottle of rum that Kieran had left out. "Who wants more?" she asked, walking back over to her brothers.
Alec smiled more at her comment and followed after her. "Cool." They headed back over and sat back down next to Kieran. "I'm good for now!" they answered even though the question wasn't directed at them.
Kieran gave Parker's shoulder a squeeze. "Fret not, brother." Before he could continue, Malia and Alec came back over. "I will have more if Parker has more."
Parker smiled at Kieran and then laughed. "I was going to have more if you did." He looked at the rum still in his cup, drained it, and then held his cup out to Malia. "I am not trying to make alcoholics of us, I swear."
Kieran did the same, downing his glass in one shot and holding it out to Malia. "Thank you kindly."
Malia beamed and poured the rum into Parker's glass, then turned to Kieran. She made eye contact with him and was suddenly overcome with affection for her brother. Her smile softened and she filled up his glass. "Good, because I'm having more, too." She walked back around the couch and filled up her glass as well. "Should we cheers something again?"
Alec laughed and pulled their legs up to their chest. "Wait, can I have more too? I feel left out."
Malia giggled and refilled their cup, too. "Sorry for the peer pressure!"
"Thanks!" Parker chirpled, smiled at Malia, and held his glass up. "Don't be pressured into drinking!" He looked at Alec and shook his head. "We can all go dry."
"I take it gladly!" Alec grinned at Parker. "I'll just drink it slowly."
Kieran raised his glass. "To Meryl? To sadness? To..." Kieran searched for something to cheers. "Suggestions are welcome."
"To quality time with others?" Alec suggested.
"To broccolini?" Parker tilted his head. He giggled. "To the chickpea?"
Kieran gave smiles in both Alec's and Parker's directions. "Such diverse reasons for celebration. Anything you'd like to contribute, Malia?"
Malia sat on the arm of the couch. "Um, to you, Kieran. You made this little movie night group a thing and I'm feeling sappy about it."
Alec grinned. "To Kieran, time with friends, and the chickpea."
Parker grinned widely and held his glass higher. "To Kieran!"
Kieran raised his glass, a big smile plastered on his face. "I'm truly honored." He looked beside him at Parker, then up at Malia. "And actually..." Kieran rose to his feet. "While the attention is diverted my way, I was hoping to talk to you all about something. Perhaps... Now would be a good time?"
Alec tilted their head to one side and watched him curiously.
Parker rested his hand on his cheek and nodded as he sipped his drink.
Kieran only realized once he was standing how unintentionally formal his announcement seemed. He looked between Malia, Alec, and Parker. Kieran stuffed a hand in his pocket and furrowed his brow. "Apologies, that was far more deliberate and momentous than I had anticipated." He went to sit back down. "Never mind, actually."
"Nooooo," Malia said, standing and moving in front of Kieran on the couch. "You gotta tell us. Here, I'll stand, you can stay there and say whatever it is from the casual comfort of sitting down."
Alec smiled at Kieran. "Now I want to know!"
Parker pressed his cheek into the couch. "Don't pressure him, you'll make him uncomfortable." He closed his eyes and sipped his drink. "Let's make less formal, more casual conversation, and you can bring it up once we've moved on and forgotten?"
"Thank you, Parker," Kieran agreed with a nod. "It's truly not a big deal. And the matter of the fact is that you already know anyway," Kieran explained, looking at Alec.
Parker didn't already know, but he nodded anyway.
Alec blinked a few times. "Oh!" They got it now and nodded with a laugh. "Right, yeah."
Malia's brow furrowed in confusion, but after a moment, it clicked for her. "Oh." Her expression shifted and she tried to cover it up quickly, as if she was responding to Parker. "... Okay, fine, let's talk about something else," she said before lifting her drink to her lips.
"Let's," Kieran agreed, taking a sip as well. He sat in silence waiting for someone else to say something.
Alec took the silence as a cue. "So when are you guys gonna do a makeover montage?"
Parker didn't seem to notice anything wrong. He leaned his head against the back of the couch and closed his eyes. "I think you guys should do that with Alec, not me. They dress much worse than I do."
Malia gasped, a smile coming to her face. "Wow, Alec, are you going to take that?"
Alec gasped as well. "What! Hey! I don't dress great but I'm not terrible!"
"I just dress plainly," Parker said with a shrug. "I've seen you wear cargo shorts."
Alec leaned over Kieran to poke Parker's chest. "One pair! I own one pair!"
Kieran snorted. "That is very fair. Parker may be colorblind, but he opts for a timeless silhouette," Kieran brought up to Mal.
Parker opened his eyes and laughed as he slapped Alec's hand away. "You've worn them." He smiled at Kieran and then nodded at Malia. "I'm timeless."
Alec grinned when Parker slapped their hand away, then sat back and leaned against Kieran again. "Rarely."
Malia sighed, nodding her head side to side. "True enough, and Alec, the cargo shorts are disgusting..... Look! I've never said you dress terribly every day! Just that you could use some clothes with a better fit and more... cohesion? Really it's your formal wear that I hated but you're doing better, so..." She shrugged.
Parker hiccupped again. "So no makeover montage?"
"I would offer to dress you in my personal wardrobe for this montage, but I don't believe that either you or Alec would fit in my clothes," Kieran snorted. "Although our friend Jack did fit in one of my linens quite nicely."
"Yes makeup montage," she said, giggling. "Absolutely makeover montage. Everyone could use those." She looked to Kieran. "Aw, when did that happen? Wait, and what for?"
Alec laughed. "I could sure try!" They looked between Malia and Kieran and waited for the answer.
Parker tilted his head and blinked at Kieran. "Why did Jack borrow your clothes?" He nodded along to Malia's questions. "It's like when he borrowed Rian's shit, remember that?" He squinted, trying to see if he also remembered correctly.
"It was a few weeks ago, he needed formal attire for a job interview. But don't indicate to him that I've told you any of this. He seemed pretty sheepish about the whole affair," Kieran explained with a chuckle.
"Awwww." Malia put her hand to her face. "I want to give him a makeover montage now. I do remember that, Parker, I think he just didn't have another option and Rian was his friend? I dunno, that was a weird night."
"Oh." Parker pressed a hand into his cheek and smiled. "He got the job, I think, if it's the one I'm thinking of." He smiled wider and pressed his face into the couch again. He shrugged at Malia.
Alec didn't know who Rian was so they just nodded along. "What job was it?"
"Some sort of farm work, correct?" Kieran asked. "At least that's what he told me."
Parker giggled again. "He's a milkman. He gets the stuff from the cows and everything!" He laughed and closed his eyes again. "He needs to..." He shook his head, realizing that Jack might be embarrassed about him laughing at his work. "He just needs to deliver milk."
Alec pressed their hands to their cheeks. "That's adorable, what the fuck?"
Kieran's brows raised in amusement. "I wasn't aware that service was still provided in this century."
Parker pressed his hand somehow further into his cheek, as if trying to become one with the couch. "It is!" It wasn't clear which person he was replying to.
Alec settled into the couch and rested their head on Kieran's shoulder again. "Does he deliver milk here?" they asked Parker.
Kieran chortled and let his head fall onto Alec's. "Yes, can I place an order?"
Parker's eyes were still closed. "I don't know, I've never had his milk. He'd probably drop dead if I asked him to deliver it to me."
Alec covered their mouth with a hand. "Oh my god."
"You've never had his milk," Malia repeated with another giggle. She had finished her drink while the others talked and now her head was definitely buzzing. "Don't embarrass him, Parks, he's too cute for that."
Kieran had to cover his face with his hand to suppress the laughter bubbling in his chest. He turned away from Parker and shut his eyes, just shaking his head.
Alec tilted their head to watch Kieran's expression for a moment with a smile, then laughed at what Malia said. "If you ask him I bet he'd give you his milk," they volunteered to Parker.
Malia pressed a hand to her mouth so she wouldn't laugh out loud. "Oh my gods," she said into her palm.
Kieran dropped his head and snorted. He smacked Alec's leg with the palm of his hand.
Alec grinned at Kieran. "What? I'm just saying."
Parker opened his eyes and looked at his siblings, then to Alec, and scoffed. "Shut up!" He flushed red and pressed a hand to his forehead. "Oh my God. Oh my..." He shook his head and covered his face with one hand. "Get out of my house."
Alec threw their head back as they laughed.
"I, for one, support him in all his endeavors." Kieran raised his glass for a moment. "And I'm happy to hear his interview went well." He took a sip of the rum.
Alec was still laughing but they nodded along with Kieran. "That's great for him! I'm just making fun of Parker."
"Me too," Malia said. "I'm super happy for Jack! But you brought this upon yourself, Parks."
Parker rolled his eyes and groaned, then pressed his face further into the couch. "I didn't! You are all just dirty minded and gross. I was talking about cow's milk!"
Alec grinned more at him. "That's not very nice."
Malia laughed, wiping imaginary tears from her eyes. "Thank you for clarifying, Parker."
"Alright, alright," Kieran chuckled. "Yes, it's very easy to poke fun at my brother. But let's redirect, shall we?" Kieran stood and turned to face the others, gesturing as if to direct their attention. He stood there silent for a moment, then confessed, "I have nothing more to say."
Alec held it together until Kieran finished his sentence, when they immediately cracked up again. "No, stay up there! You look so official!"
"Very easy," Parker whispered after Kieran and shook his head, then stood as well. "I think... I am going to bed."
"Does that mean we have to leave?" Malia asked, pouting.
"Oh no," Kieran responded sadly. "Please stay, the room feels much emptier without you."
Alec frowned too. "Don't leave!"
Parker was warm, sleepy, and embarrassed, but he also had people almost begging him to stay, so he took a seat again, and leaned against the arm on the couch. He sipped his drink. "Let's make fun of Malia now."
"Yes!" Kieran wasn't sure whether he was agreeing or celebrating Parker's decision to stay. He took a seat on the floor in front of Parker so he could rest his arm on Parker's lap. "Perhaps a nice roast around the room is in order."
"Hmmm, no, that's okay," Malia said, shaking her head. "We can not do that."
Alec turned to Malia and tried to think of something they could possibly make fun of her for. They came up blank. "But there's nothing?"
"Oh, why not? Parker's always a good sport about our mockery, it's only fair that we spread the love."
Parker smiled at Kieran. “Let’s do a roast. We’ve already done me and Alec.” He looked at Alec, and then Malia. “You...” He squinted and then frowned. “Say something embarrassing.”
"Thank you, Alec!" Malia said, beaming at them. "I knew we were best friends for a reason." She made a face at Parker. "Absolutely not."
Alec laughed. "I sound like some suck up, eh?"
"Ah, what about that dog?" Kieran grinned up at Parker. "Did we ever show Malia that lovely dog we found at the park? The one that reminds us of her?"
Parker nodded solemnly at Alec and then laughed and shook his head. “Oh! No! We went on a scavenger hunt! And we found you at the park!” He smiled and tilted his head at Kieran. “Do you have the pictures?”
Malia raised an eyebrow. "Am I going to be insulted?"
Kieran nodded excitedly. "I have them." He pulled up his phone and started scrolling through his photos before pulling up a photograph of Parker posing beside a small, nearly hairless dog. He held it up so Alec and Malia could see. "Behold."
Alec clapped their hands over their mouth so they didn't laugh out loud. "Oh my god."
Parker smiled innocently at Malia. “Isn’t it cute?”
Malia's mouth fell open in horror. "Ew!" she exclaimed, pushing Kieran's hand away. "Ew! That's supposed to be me? That's so rude! You two are so mean!"
Kieran laughed and slipped his phone back into his pocket. "We did it," he told Parker with a smirk.
Parker pressed his lips together to hide his smile and then tilted his head. “I don’t know what you mean, Mal. That’s Jack’s dog. I think he’s so cute!” He bit his lip and started laughing once he looked at Kieran.
"That is not Little Jack, you lying liar!" Malia said, leaning over so she could glare at him. "You really think I don't follow him on Instagram?"
"Little Jack has an instagram?" Alec asked.
Kieran narrowed his eyes. "Jack's dog's name is also... Jack?"
“Um, his name is lil’ Jack, actually.” Parker laughed softly and rubbed his face, thoroughly drunk and amused. “I never knew about the instagram, though.”
Malia laughed again. "No, Jack has an Instagram, which I follow? Because we're friends? And he posted his dog on there."
"Interesting," Kieran muttered. He hesitated for a second then pulled out his phone to bring up Instagram. Kieran pulled up jack's profile and narrowed his eyes. He almost said something out loud, but decided against it, hit the follow button, and just put his phone back down.
“Oh!” Alec laughed. “I thought the dog had one too. I already follow Jack.”
Parker laughed once he understood. "Oh... I follow him too. I don't follow lil' Jack though."
Malia didn't bother trying to correct Parker. She sat back on the couch, crossing her arms. "Anyway! You two are jerks. I look nothing like that dog."
"It's not about the look," Kieran protested. "It's the spirit of the dog."
"Ew, Kieran!" Malia looked distressed. "That doesn't make me feel any better!"
Alec laughed again and rubbed Malia's back. "The spirit of the dog? Like... its ghost?"
Parker grinned as Kieran spoke. “Yeah! It’s like, you have that cute-endearing thing going on. And the confidence to show it off.”
"Exactly," Kieran agreed, pointing to Parker. "The zeal of the pooch. Not the ghost," he snorted.
She was prepared to be offended again, but instead her brothers said something actually kind of nice. "Oh," she said, sniffing. "Why didn't you open with that?"
Parker smirked. “Because we wanted you to see the ugly dog and screech.”
Kieran nodded in agreement, grinning. "It's the truth."
Alec took a long sip of their drink so they were less obvious about laughing at Malia.
Her eyes narrowed and she huffed. "Boys," she said derisively. "Okay, congrats, you got what you wanted." Malia flipped her hair over her shoulder. "Are we done making fun of me now?"
"We can conclude," Kieran confirmed with a nod. "I feel satisfied."
Parker nodded. "And thus concludes our roast."
Alec looked between the siblings and took another sip. "Can we have more pina coladas? They were so good."
"Thank you," she said, her voice clipped. Malia patted Alec's arm, nodding. "I agree. They were super good."
Parker rested his cheek on his hand. "Uh, yeah. Should I make them?"
"I can help if it's easy," Alec offered.
"Dishes," Kieran offered plainly.
Parker nodded once and stood, then shrugged at Alec. "It's not hard, just coconut milk and pineapple and rum. And a blender." He started, somewhat unsteadily, towards the kitchen.
Alec hopped up. "One more for both of you?" they asked Kieran and Malia.
Kieran caught Parker's glance and almost spoke up, but Alec suddenly hopped up. "Sure." Kieran downed the remainder of his cup and held it out to Alec.
Alec took the cup with a smile and followed Parker into the kitchen. They caught up with him as he got to the blender and put their and Kieran's glasses down on the counter. "You good?" they asked cheerfully.
Once Parker and Alec were in the kitchen, Kieran turned to Malia. "So what was that rendezvous with Alec in the kitchen about?"
Parker nodded. "Just tired." He blinked and pulled the blender out of the sink, then started to measure everything out. "Did you like the movie?"
Alec smiled at him and leant against the counter. "Figured it's last call. Yeah! I'm still willing to lay my life down in front of Meryl Streep. Did you?"
With Alec gone from her side and the couch free, Malia extended her legs over the cushions and crossed her ankles. She studied Kieran's face and pursed her lips. "Hmmm," she started, then smiled. She shifted again, this time laying across the couch but her her head resting close to wear Kieran was still seated on the floor. She spoke quietly so the others wouldn't hear. "About you."
Parker dumped all the ingredients in unceremoniously. He covered his ears as he turned the blender on and nodded, then turned it off before responding. "Did I... lay down my life for Meryl Streep?"
Alec covered their ears too and waited for the blender to stop. They stared at Parker for a few seconds as they waited for his words to make sense. "Huh?"
Kieran's eyebrows rose. He was convinced that they had been talking about Parker. "What about me?"
Parker stared back at them, eyebrows furrowed. "What did you ask me?"
Alec blinked. "I don't remember. What did I ask?"
Parker laughed. "I just asked you that!"
"Oh!" Alec laughed as well. "Yeah. Fuck, eh?"
Malia smiled wider. "Do you want me to say it out loud or can I leave this heavy implication hanging in the air?"
Kieran blinked. "It's not an implication if you haven't hinted toward anything."
"Huh..." Parker didn't know where to go from there, so he took the blender to pour them more drinks, then realized he hadn't finished his other rum. He looked down at his glass. "Should I... down it?"
Sighing, Malia turned so she was on her back. "I was asking them about how long," she paused, then lifted her hand slightly and gesturing vaguely, "you two, have been going on."
Alec put a hand on Parker's shoulder. "Do what you gotta do," they said solemnly.
Kieran's back straightened up. "Oh." He glanced over at Alec in the kitchen then back at Malia. "They told you about that?"
Parker stared at Alec blankly for a moment, then grinned. He held up the blender. "I'll pour some for you guys first?"
"No," she chirped, looking at him to study his face carefully. "I'm just that good. They gave me a very vague answer, I think like, for your sake?"
Kieran nodded slowly. "Well... It's a vague situation, so a vague answer would only be appropriate."
"Sure! I can pour while you drink?" Alec squinted at the glasses. "We're missing one."
She nodded. "Make sense. Is that what you were gonna tell us before?"
Parker sipped his drink and shook his head. "Hm, Mal's." He started back towards the couch. "Here is..." He said, putting the blender down on the coffee table. "These coladas."
A smile tugged at Kieran's lips. Before he could answer, Parker was back. "You're a gentleman and a scholar," he thanked Parker.
Alec followed Parker and sat down on the ground, placing their own and Kieran's cups on the table beside the blender.
Malia blew Parker a kiss. "Thank youuuuuu." She sat up and found her glass on the table. "Who is the least drunk and can pour right now?"
Alec sat up on their knees. "I am not the least drunk but! I can pour."
She laughed, holding her glass out. "How do you know? Kieran, how drunk are you?"
"Drunker than I appear, but not so drunk that I couldn't distribute a cocktail," Kieran offered.
"Assuming! 'Cause I'm a lightweight." Alec picked up the blender and filled Malia's cup without spilling. "But I got a steady hand."
Parker smiled at both of his siblings. He drained the rest of his glass and then held it out for Alec to pour. He leaned back against the couch from where he was positioned on the floor in front of the coffee table and closed his eyes again. "I am... not the most drunk." He hiccuped. "The least drunk," he corrected himself.
Alec hesitated in filling Parker's glass. "But you're sure you want some more?" they asked Parker.
"You do," she said, watching the drink fill up her glass. She looked at Alec and Kieran sitting next to each other admiringly and then focused on Parker again. "I think you are maybe the most drunk, Parks, or maybe you're just sleepy."
"I don't believe those two statements are mutually exclusive," Kieran pointed out. "Though I would very much like to feel whatever it is that Parker is feeling." Kieran turned back to grab his and Alec's glasses of the table, waiting for Alec to finish before holding it out to them.
Parker opened his eyes again and took a moment to let them focus. "I think it is both." He nodded slowly. He tipped his head back to smile at Kieran when he seemed to agree with him, and then picked his head up fully to look at Alec. "How else will we cheers?"
Malia giggled. You can just lift your empty glass and take a sip of mine!"
"Nonsense," Kieran dismissed. "Give the man his piña!"
Alec bit the inside of their cheek as they smiled and filled Parker's glass, though not to the top. They shook their head at him, amused, and turned to pour the rest into the glasses Kieran was holding out. There was still some left in the blender considering Parker's cup was just over half full, but they returned it to the table anyway. "You can't cheers with an empty glass, Malia! That's terrible luck! It's like curse level bad luck."
"Ugh, you're right!" Malia said with a distressed gasp. "I'm sorry Parker, I almost cursed you."
"It's worse than a cheers without eye contact, but only by a tiny bit." Alec lifted their glass.
Parker watched all of this as if observing a tennis match. He blinked at Malia vacantly, then looked at Alec. "That's bad sex."
Alec snapped and pointed at Parker. "Yeah! That's bad sex!"
Kieran nodded solemnly. "Bad sex."
Malia nodded. "Yeah. I don't ever have to worry about that, but you all should be careful."
Parker tossed his head back as he laughed at Malia.
"Sure. I'll keep a cautious eye out for bad sex," Kieran snorted.
Alec sighed. "You're so lucky," they said to Malia.
"Like you aren't the lucky bastard!" Malia exclaimed to Alec. "I just have it for sex, you have it for everything."
Alec laughed and pointed at her. "Hey! I'm just saying your blessing is fucking awesome!"
"May we all be so blessed," Kieran muttered. "To un-bad sex," he proposed, raising his glass towards the others.
Un-bad sex made Malia throw her head back with laughter. She lifted her glass. "To un-bad sex."
"Oh my God." Parker laughed again, leaning his head back on the couch. Still, he raised his glass.
Alec lifted their glass. "Love it." They grinned. "To un-bad sex."
"You gotta say it, Parker," Malia said, pointing to him.
"And look me straight in the eyes," Kieran demanded. "Lest you be cursed."
Parker giggled. He turned his head to look at Kieran, trying to focus on all four of his eyes at once. "To un-bad sex."
Alec laughed and motioned for Malia's attention. "Make eye contact with me, I don't want a curse!" They tried to watch her as they tapped their glass against the others.
Kieran smiled and clinked his glass in toast with each of the others before taking a big gulp of the drink. "Spectacular."
Malia giggled again and looked Alec very seriously in the eye. "I got you," she said.
Alec winked at her then broke into laughter as they took a sip of their drink. “Now none of us are cursed.”
