#musical commentary

[shyames]

There is beauty in sadness

As you will find out sooner or later, when I listen to music it's either the full album track by track, as intended, one of my playlists on shuffle or (definitely not the healthy part) one track on repeat, for however long my brain finds it satisfying. This one? This is magic.

And not some Hogwarts type of magic. This is going through all stages of life. It's all in one track - nostalgia, happiness, loneliness. Even longing for something, but you don't really know what you are longing for. Sometimes makes me tearful, sometimes just prompts thinking about where my life is going. One day it's 7 minutes of blissfulness, but the next day it's 7 minutes trying to remember what was lost.

But you know what? It's soundtrack, right? I loved the movie as a kid, don't get me wrong. But now, this became completely separate. I don't see the prairie or the horses when I listen to this. I see reflections of people coming and going through my life, places I visited, places I want to visit, love I felt and love that's still ahead of me. It's tragic and yet peaceful, serious and yet at times playful. Sounds of life. The life I already had, the life I have, but also the life I could have.

As you listen through this, doesn't it just scream (in this specific order):

I'm happy

I'm going on an adventure

Come on with me, it will be fun!

I'm lost - where are you? We had fun, right?

Nostalgia comes in - because we loved our time together and it was epic!

But now I'm alone and don't know what to do

I remember our time together, and it helps me go forward

Sometimes life is hard, and sad, and all you can do is sit down and cry

And feel sorry, for all of it

But at the end, there was love in that sadness, wasn't there?

So goodbye again, but we will remember the good times

Take those 7 minutes and find out what does it do for you. I promise, this time won't be wasted.

[codesquire]

The horn riff from "Spottieottiedopaliscious" sounds interesting on both a 12 string, and a six string bass.

[codesquire]

Ubiquitous girl in sad pop song question:

Is it ever addressed why she left?

Like dude, what the fuck did you do?

[shyames]

You're right, I may be crazy...

For a time, I think sometime during my bachelor studies, I would start my day from this song. Especially the words 'I was only having fun, wasn't hurting anyone'. It's a bit vague now, but I recall clashing with my dad a lot, later on, when I extended my masters for a year to stay and work longer with the student council. I always thought he, as a teacher, would understand me more, but not this time.

Thankfully, for a few years I was already independent - studying and working so, you know, all you can do is talk, dad. My family did find it strange that I wanted to stay, but I had my other, chosen family there. My group of friends that I stay in touch even now. We even lived (almost all of us) on the same floor in the dormitory for a time. Our 2nd home <3

It's the first group that did not forsake me with my phases of going quiet and delayed responding. It's there I found a person I could admit I had panic attacks after lockdown, when meeting many people at once again.

So I might have been crazy for staying longer (and dealing with extreme toxicity at the university) but loved it, and love my 2nd family to this day. Like with family - you may not talk every day, but when you meet up, it just feels right.

[shyames]

The world doesn't stay still - neither do we

To say I watched "Scandal" would be an understatement of the century. I devoured that show. I was starting my day with it, watching it for breakfast. Not only that, but I was continuing after work, having to remind myself to go to sleep. And whenever this tune would come up, I knew things will happen between the main two love birds of the show. Now, whenever it pops on my playlist, I have to stop. I need a pause.

It's weird, I know. But it makes me feel a lot of different things - from anxiety about, well, everything, through longing for my mom or my friends, to overwhelming love and calmness.

I think it's so complicated because I came to associate it with how complicated the relationships were on this show. (And if you watched the show, well, it was all a mess, am I right?) But isn't that what life is? Yes, it was on a different scale as it was about the White House and politics, but don't we all fall for the wrong people and the wrong time of our lives? Okay, maybe not fall in love, but who didn't have a crush that went wrong or was it impossible to realise because it was a wrong timing?

People get married, then find their "true love" so they divorce (or not), people around them get involved, life becomes a bigger mess than it should be. What I draw from both the show and how this music makes me feel is that we all meet new people through our lives. Different people make us feel different things. And as we grow, we stop feeling the things we once felt. Or two people grow in a way that makes them revisit their previous relationship, which now has a chance to work.

The world doesn't stay still - neither do we, as people. Everything is moving, so it's a matter of deciding if we want to move at the same pace or on our own terms. And feel the things we feel, and things we need to feel. So, if I need to cry while this music is playing, because today it feels like sacrifices made for love (tomorrow it may well be about a happy ending, who knows), then I will cry. And you can to.

[shyames]

We see what we want to see

Who doesn't love Céline? I don't trust you if you say you don't. Because let's face it - you do!

With this one, it's a lot of mixed feelings for me. Firstly, can't believe this came out when I was 2 years old. How is this even possible?

I remember listening to this album on a cassette tape (yes, there was this thing before CDs) that I stole from my mom. My brother hated me, because we were sharing a room and I started my phase of going to sleep while listening to music. And, of course, for the most time it was Céline. Unfortunately, I listened to the tape too much, and it wore down with time. But by then the technological advances caught up with my dad, and we were up to speed with the world to download the songs from the Internet.

As a teen, did I truly understand the song? No. I didn't even understand English that well back then. But sometimes I don't think I understand it even now. It's a powerful song that initially caught my heart with the piano - let's face it, the piano here is marvellous - and then Céline's voice. And as I grew older, of course all your teenage relationships are the greatest love of all and call for the cries to this amazing ballad.

Fast-forward a few years and here come my 20s with my "delulu" brain. Of course, I can relate to some parts more than others, but also can see some of my favourite books, movies and TV shows mirrored in both the music and the words. Plus wine - a glass of wine with this song? Oh boy, good thing I live alone.

The most important though are the quotes I take with me everywhere now, they are always somewhere back in my head:

"we see what we want to see" - it's true on so many levels, throughout all our lives, not only in regard to love but any emotion we have, any action we take

"We forgive and forget and it's all coming back to me now" - and we do, don't we? When I think about my high school years, I don't remain in touch with anyone because I was hurt, and I'm sure others felt hurt by some of my actions. But when I reminisce about the good times, recalling stories from my teenage years, am I still mad, do I remember what was the reason for the animosity? Not really, not always. They became part of who I am now, part of how I got here.

"I finished crying in the instant that you left, and I can't remember where or when or how, and I banished every memory you and I had ever made" - and I did, I cried when hurt, but eventually got up and moved forwards. Sometimes it took longer, sometimes it took just a moment. Do I remember each and every situation I resented, each and every time I was left out, a relationship ended, and I was alone again? No. I know the feelings, I learned something each time (maybe not at that second, but you know, it takes a while to admit your own mistakes). But when truly hurt by someone else at some point you have to forget, or it will haunt you the rest of your life. I'm still learning to do so but getting there.

So is Céline the queen? Yes, of course she is. Is this only about love? NO. It's all about life but most importantly, as with each and every song or music piece - it's about what you need at the moment. Listening closely and taking the sounds in.

[shyames]

What if we could really fly?

'Sit down, kids, the scary but funny story will now start'. I think that's how you summarize John Williams' genius here. Because it is, at times, a scary but also a funny story. I love the movie 'Hook' since I was a kid - my mom loves it, so we watched it every time it popped on TV. She always cries through half of it. (I don't blame her, though, it's a beautiful story.)

But for me, the music goes beyond the story. It really feels like it could be a prologue to one's life story. It's only 1 and a half minute long but goes from mystery, through a happy adventure, some scary notes, just to resolve at happiness again. I love the full album, but this one gives you this one, so much needed boost of magic.

This is how life should feel - like a joyous adventure, one that you want to embark on every day, even when the prospect of taking another step into the unknown scares you. It is definitely one of my go-to for when I'm scared of change. Because, what if we could really just fly through it? Wouldn't it be just perfect?

[shyames]

My personal millennial heaven

I would definitely call this one my personal millenial heaven. Things that first come to mind?

Challenging the loner

Feels like first clubbing nights as a teenager

Cheeky and smooth to approach someone

Nostalgia all over the place

But also pressure to find love

I can loop this one forever and not notice how the time flies at all. It does appear very simple, and it can be perceived as such, but the more I listen, the more I shift from joy and nostalgia to longing for love, the ideal romantic kind. And all of it while the millennial friendly remix is running through my headphones (all right, all right - I know I'm right on the verge of millennial/gen Z, but come on, it's gold). I could easily see my teenage self, the one that was never popular or well-liked by boys, jamming to this one in high school while on the walk through the nearby park (something I've done a lot those days).

Does it mean I don't miss those days? No, of course I sometimes to. Things were simpler. Of course, from a high schooler perspective, some problems are the biggest you will ever have. But I still miss it - a child doesn't have to worry about bills, roof over your head, what the future holds. The longest I was looking into the future was, like, a month, not years. Also, it helped that during the week I was living in a dormitory, coming back home only on weekends. The pressure of the oldest daughter definitely lessened, and I think this was my breaking free point. As my mom was back from working abroad, it got easier at home, and it wasn't all on me anymore. Though I stayed hyper-independent to this day, this freedom was something I knew I deserved.

See? Somehow a simple remix, song about wanting love prompts you to think about other aspects of life. Music is wonderful, and it can enormously help when trying to work out your own messy and complicated feelings. I encourage everyone to try it, with any random song. You will be surprised how great it feels.