Vices (Hyungwon x Reader)
Monsta X Fanfic - Angst & Fluff
Warnings: mental health, substance use, cussing, anxiety, depression
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It was a slow night at the club. I had been DJing for the past five hours, and it just seemed to be never ending until my co-worker tapped my shoulder. “You can take off now, Y/N,” they told me and suddenly I was brought back into reality. The sweaty, hyped atmosphere of the club has allowed me to not think about how shit things were with college lately. Even though it helped, all I wanted was to be back home. “I miss my fucking bed,” I thought wistfully. I said night to them all and transferred the controls to the next person who would take over the 3am shift.
Walking down the streets from the club allowed me to think more about what had been going on lately. I’d been bombarded with assignments, and my mother’s health was still in turmoil. I still felt the stress weighing me down that I’d started my bad habit of smoking again. I pulled out the cigarette and lit it up, took a deep inhale of the tobacco and instantly felt the regret pang in my chest. I coughed a bit and thought of how disappointed my boyfriend would be to see me doing this again. I’d been hiding my situation from him as best I could these past few months, but tonight just seemed to be pulling me down. So far down the rabbit hole that I decided to stop by an old friend’s house for an even worse taste of smoke.
~
After leaving Changkyun’s place, it was already 4am and I was hazy. The new smoke had an effect on me immediately since I hadn’t hit it for awhile. Dazed and still feeling down about my situation, I absentmindedly began to open my front door. After struggling with the keys a bit, I throw my bag down and let out a deep sigh. “Ah shit,” I mumbled, “I left my phone at his house.” It was dark and I didn’t even notice the shadowy figure in the corner until he spoke.
“Y/N, you reek, what happened?” he questioned me with a deadly stare. I felt like a mouse caught in a trap. All the feelings of guilt, sadness, and anxiety washed over me instantly. The regret about making a stop at Changkyun’s place hit me full speed since my boyfriend was looking at me with this sense of dread.
I sucked it up and responded with something I didn’t even expect, “It’s none of your business.” I managed to look to the side instead of head on. He came up to me, “Look at me, Y/N. You’ve been out of it for months and now you come home with this scent on you. I’ve been trying to let you figure it out, and tell me yourself, but it’s been hard.” He scrunched up his face, and even in my toxic state I could tell that I had caused him pain too. He had noticed this whole time and was just letting me have my space. “So much for this space that I needed,” I thought, “It’s only brought us both pain.”
The tears began to well up in my eyes, and I just looked at my feet. He noticed the sniffles, “Hey, hey it’s okay. I’m not mad, I just wish you would talk to me about it instead of taking to your vices again.” He cups my face and looks at me with the most sympathetic eyes. “Hyungwon, how can you stand me still? I shut you out for months, and come home high with no explanation. Yet,” I stop between sniffs, “Yet... you’re still here. I would’ve just left a loser like me by now.”
I’m taken by surprise by how he wraps his arms around me, and pulls me in for the biggest hug. My state of mind just said fuck it then and there and began to cry. I cried and cried into his shoulder while he kept comforting me. The pats on my back continued, until he picked me up and carried me to the bed. He helped me change into a baggy T-shirt of his and a pair of night shorts. He was already in his nightwear, so we went under the sheets together.
He pulled me close and tucked my head under his chin and began to speak softly. “I’m still here because I love you,” he said, “I love you so much and I know that you are only human and are bound to trip up every now and then.” I closed my eyes and snuggled closer to him. “It’s okay, we all have our off moments, Y/N. I just want you to know that I am here for you, and i hope that next time you’ll come to me instead of choosing to smoke your stress away, okay?” He lifted my chin and our eyes met. I still had some tears left to shed apparently, but he wiped them away. I managed to croak out to him, “I love you too... thank you. Thank you for loving my sorry ass, and I’m sorry for not talking it out before things got this bad. I’ve just had shit going on and I’m not used to being able to share it with someone. I’m still getting used to it, you know?” I cracked a crooked smile at him, “Getting used to us.” He smiled down at me and the way his eyes crinkled let me know that we were okay. I was okay. I leaned in and kissed him. He met me with those plush lips that ooze sweetness. We kept this going for a few minutes until he wrapped his arms around me and whispered, “All is forgiven, my love, now sleep.” And with that I was off in dreamland.
~
helloooo! I haven’t written fan fiction in FOREVER. So I’m sorry if this is absolutely terrible. I’ve just been feeling some kind of way lately, and haven’t found any fics that fit this kind of mood so I thought I’d try writing one myself. I’m gonna just be randomly writing stuff whenever I feel like it, but requests are taken as well ♥︎♥︎
- c
