"you can do this yang jeongin! you're cool, you're smart, you're handsome, you'll kill this! you're cool, you're smart, you're handsome, you'll kill this!"
he's cool. he's smart. he's handsome. he repeats these words over and over in seoul arts' bathroom, looking at his reflection and hoping he starts to believe himself by the end of his pep talk. adolescence isn't easy. he used to be so bold, never really thinking of the consequences, not being afraid of what anyone thinks of him. then he grew up, and mean people started laughing at him for all sorts of reasons. first his crooked teeth, later his braces in his attempt to fix them, his shorter height, they call him gay too, not because they know he likes boys (and girls), but just because of the type of music he listens to which is indeed as ridiculous as it sounds. it’s been better since he got into sopa, but he wonders if he’ll find a place where he fits perfectly in one day. because right now, jeongin feels like he belongs nowhere, with no one. how wonderful would it be if even one person liked him on the show? if even one person thought he’s cool, handsome, and smart.
he splashes some water in his face and pats his cheeks to wake himself up. just because he's up around the same time every day for school doesn't mean his body will ever get used to it. it's too early to be alive, but it's still time to get out there and join the others in the gym to have his measurements taken. it feels so much easier with yeji at his side. he sees other hyungs he holds dear too. daniel, minho. he even notices the cute kokoro, the girl he met at the k.arma showcase. he wonders if she's as nervous as he is. he wants to greet his cousin, but daniel is with his friends and he doesn't want to bother him, so he stays with yeji. he doesn't even know how he'll manage to go through his audition without bringing her in the room. "maybe they'll just look at me and just kick me out right there," he whispers to the girl with a defeated sigh. he wants to be brave, he wants to be his usual bright self, but it's hard to feel confident with so many good-looking people around. he's never felt so ugly before. minho, for example, would probably win every single visual contest. jeongin is just another lanky, average-looking kid. so he once again closes his eyes, and tells himself he's handsome, he's cool, he's smart. he can do this.
he gets his height measured and can't help but clap in victory. "almost 173cm?! sweet!" just a couple millimeters more and he will be able to write 173cm on his applicaton. that is all the boost he needed to make it to the next step! he thanks the staff as if they had something to do with his sudden growth, and meets up with yeji before they have to be separated in different practice rooms. she's a dancer and he's a singer so unfortunately they can't wait together. he wounds up in a corner of the room, not really meddling with others but rather trying to concentrate for once in his life.
"k.arma would be proud of you," he mumbles to himself.
lullaby by got7 (choreography)
group: @rkjeon, red shirt ; @rkhyojeong, pale yellow shirt ; @rkmseok, white shirt ; @rkljhyun, black jacket ; @mxnhork, plaid jacket ; @rkhyunjoon, bright yellow shirt + hat.
caption -- 「 you can see more of everyone in the group on their instagrams~~
hyojeong @.phantomhyo (ig)
hyunjoon @.headchef_hhj (ig)
minho @.dance_mh (ig)
jaehyun @.ljhyun (ig)
minseok @.meamk_99 (ig)
jeongguk @.allmight98 (ig)
」
-- 6th APRIL 2019
They’d worked on this as a group for just over a month now, coming together on weekends to practice the choreography with Yuta at the lead. Not that he necessarily needed to hold their hands throughout the process. Hyunjoon was quick at picking up the moves, Minseok was dedicated to perfecting them, Jeongguk was a natural at it. Each of them could hold their own to varying degrees of skill and for Yuta, that left him focused on bringing them together as a group and working on their synchronisation. Still, even when they were practising, it was fun to come together. Minseok brightening up the room whenever they paused for a break, Hyunjoon and Hyojeong sharing their inside jokes, Minho’s soft energy being given a chance to be polished off and encouraged into something more. Yuta had noticed some minor awkwardness between Jaehyun and Minho, but brushed it off as nothing more than nerves. It’s not as if he knew Minho to be energetically extroverted. Every weekend had begun to become something Yuta looked forward to, seeing them bring together everything and watching each of them help one another through any difficulties that came up.
A month passed by quickly, leaving them sharing glances after the camera was set up and the music started to fill the inside of the dance studio. It was not an easy routine and Yuta was proud of how much effort each of them had put in. Slacking was always an option if they weren’t serious about what they were doing, but he wanted to believe they had all put in as much energy and effort as they could.
Yuta was the first to move forward into the space the camera was focused on, loosely playing the the music and coming to his place in the center. The other members following in after him, finding their places and positions. Jeongguk to his right and Hyojeong on his left, and the urge to check if everyone else had found their place which he couldn’t fulfil as the beat shift to the starting point of the choreography. The tips of his fingers curled into his pants as he began the steps, with confidence in himself; with confidence in the group that stood with him. More than once he’d gotten them to go through the whole routine without him in place, studied how well they had their positions memorised and how smooth their movements were.
Throughout the dance there was a chance for some of them to have the center, to take the spotlight with their own brief dance and Yuta had worked with each of them specifically for them. Incorporating their wants, with what would best fit the dance and allow them to shine for those seconds. Jeongguk’s was a slick, charismatic walk, purposeful gazes as if he were the vocalist of the group, and that was followed in succession by Minseok, There was no chance to check if they were doing well, if they were holding their own, if they were enjoying themselves. Yuta having to more than once dip to the floor, to twist, to pull himself back up onto his feet with the rest of the members. No matter how much they practised together, if they weren’t feeling the song or the routine, or what they were performing, Yuta knew it would be lacking.
These were the sorts of worries that made him dislike being the leader of any group; worries he pushed from his mind as they performed. He wanted to have fun too, like they did when they exhausted themselves running the routine and he could still hear his heart thudding in his ears. A smile tugging onto his lips as he took front and center again, rolling his body, feet slipping across the floor and running his hand around the outside of his head. It might have been his favourite part when he could run his hands down the front of his body, to press to fingers to his lips, to rock and move with the beat. The rush of the slight jump, of moving forward and going back; his bangs falling around his features and the smile crinkling in the corner of his ears. People complained about dancing a lot, especially as trainees, where they were forced into hours of lesson -- but Yuta loved it. He loved dancing, he loved having people around him who felt the same as he did and put in the same energy.
It was Hyojeong who got to perform cutely and yet coolly in the center next. He didn’t know if it was because he taught her outside of the group, but he liked to give her more help through the steps -- whether she needed his aid or not. Double checking that she had them down, making sure she was comfortable. Maybe it was because she was the only female in the group too. Yuta didn’t want to her to fade out into the background with the rest of the boys there or struggle on her own. She was going to be as charismatic as the rest of them and show her best side.
The lift of their shirts when Yuta stood in the middle again had come with a light, ‘only do it if you want to’, and completed with a definite promise that he intended to. It was rare that he got to show off the abs under his shirt, he’d worked on them with childish pride as a gift for Taeyong on Valentine’s day the year before and he was not going to pass up the chance to shameless give a peek while he danced. There was no pressure on anyone to follow through with him on the teasing though. The energy of the dancing shifting as Yuta took enjoyment and delight in the performance and played around; the movements slightly easier through the section and allowing them a break -- and for Hyunjoon to take the spotlight and show off his skills.
By the time Yuta’s laid back on the floor, he can feel his heart pumping in his chest; arms flat at his side as he lifts his hips up and crosses his legs over. The cold floor beneath him chilling the heat that came of his skin from the exertion of the dance. A brief and barely there respite, that ended when the beat picked up again, and he had to be back on his feet again.
Hyojeong and Jeongguk, followed by him and Jaehyun playing around with twirls -- the energy rising back up again through the section that he’d insisted they enjoy themselves with the most. ‘Do what you want’, ‘feel the beat’, ‘catch you breath’. But they had to snap back into position at exactly the same time for the perfect effect to be made. Yuta biting down on the inside of his lip as he hoped that they would pull it off well. The rest of the song going through with the chorus once more, repeating the choreography from earlier and slowing down at the end; Yuta standing in the center, conducting them with the motion of his hands and the draw of his arms in. A grin resting on his lips, and then bitten away as they fell back in sync again, one foot behind the other and turning his head to follow the movement of his hand.
A cool ending pose that they were to all hold together, even while his chest rose and fell with panted breaths.
✉ hey lil bud
✉ got some bad news for you
✉ i wasn’t able to audition for the mga5s
✉ hyung is in the hospital
✉ but ill be cheering you on!
( ✉ :: 🐱 형 ) that’s why i didn’t see you there...?
( ✉ :: 🐱 형 ) what happened to hyung ㅠ.ㅠ
( ✉ :: 🐱 형 ) will you be there long? can i come see you? i’ll bring snacks and games!
✉ hey so uh
✉ i know i was supposed to.. audition for the mga5s and stuff
✉ but i sort of ran into an issue
✉ im hospitalized…. for a week
✉ fainted at work again on my closing shift
✉ im sorry
✉ im sorry i cant be there with you
✉ ; 1/2 min ♥️
► ??? wdym
► hyung what happened?
► oh my god, what? are you okay?!
► i told you not to push yourself so much
► hyung...
► as much as i wish you could’ve auditioned with all of us, i’m happier knowing you’re resting and recovering
► your health is more important than some stupid survival show!
► lemme know what room ur in and i’ll drop by with some flowers <3
he’s been dying to see the new spider-verse movie that came out not too long ago but vernon doesn’t like going to the movies all by himself, so that’s why he’s called minho to go with him to enjoy. considering he’s the one that bothered his friend, vernon doesn’t mind paying for the tickets. to his surprise, minho agreed on going after vernon asking multiple friends to go, only to say no as they were busy with training or some stuff that involved school. god bless.
he’s read too many comics ever since young that he can’t help but watch every single marvel or dc movie. “did you want popcorn too? it’s on me, no worries.” he assures his friend that he wouldn’t have to pay anything out of his pocket. he’s like a child once again, too eager to see the movie.
maybe it had gone on too far? jaehyun wasn’t sure he had told himself to end it before christmas because having to deal with someone liking him and probably expecting him to things. jaehyun truly couldn’t be bothered at this point-- if someone asked him if he felt bad. he did, he felt bad he had wasted his own time for this long.
quietly jaehyun stands there in the spot he had asked minho to meet him at, there weren’t many people around-- the last time he saw minho, he has acted completely normal, the way he had always been. there were so few people that got through all his layers-- jiwon was one of them, one of the few people.
jaehyun wasn’t sure what would happen after today but he didn’t want whatever this was to continue, glancing at his phone to check the time. this was the least he could do, just get over with it.
chan had been delighted that minho was free for the day and agreed to come and hang out with him. aside from work and taking classes, chan felt like he hadn’t really been available to see his friends as often as he liked. he hadn’t seen minho since that bubble festival and that was around two months now.
his friend was busy scrolling around on his phone and chan took his opportunity to ask a very important question. he took a sip of his hot black coffee and sighed. “hey, bro, you think uhh... i’d be good as an idol or something?” maybe the way he phrased it wasn’t the best, but it was better than nothing. “like.... singing and dancing on a stage kind of idol.”
