#mxrdermystery

[storiesofwildfire]

Self-Loathing

@mxrdermystery -- continued from (x)

♔—- Her words were hard to digest because, in many ways, he’d experienced the same self-hatred. If Odin’s claims were true and Laufey had abandoned him directly after birth, then his own parents took one look at him and decided he wasn’t worth keeping. They threw him out into a frozen tundra as a newborn, willing to let him die and return the very earth that his younger siblings lived upon. Sometimes he liked to humor the idea that Odin was lying about how Laufey treated him, but even if he was? Laufey never came for him, never fought for him, never tried to find him.

     And in the end, the Jotun King found himself dead as a result.

     “That’s not true,” Loki finally said. “Maybe you mostly feel hate and maybe you don’t feel like you’re human because of your sins, but I’ve been with you long enough to know that you do feel more than just hatred. When you look at me, I see passion in your eyes, hope, and something I don’t think you’re ready to admit, even to yourself--love.” He didn’t necessarily mean passionate, romantic love. Perhaps it could blossom into that one day, but he did see the admiration and the acceptance in her eyes that he desired for so many years. “You love Ares,” he pointed out. “You have the ability to love creatures and people, even if you want to insist that you don’t.

     “But I can’t sit here and preach to you about loving yourself because I don’t love myself either. I never have. I don’t know what that feels like... To wake up and look in the mirror and actually like the person looking back at you? I wish I had that. I wish you had that, too, but you don’t deserve to hate yourself this much. Haven’t you experienced enough of that by the hands of other people? Don’t torture yourself, too.”

[storiesofwildfire]

’ Ohana means family. Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten. ’

{ @mxrdermystery } || Lilo & Stitch sentence starters – status; accepting

♔—- “No, it doesn’t,” Loki replied in a matter-of-fact tone that suggested his stance would not be swayed. “Family doesn’t mean anything. Family is a construct of people who are supposed to love you no matter what you do or what you love and yet, for so many people throughout the worlds, their families turn away from them, forget about them, condemn them or villainize them. Family doesn’t mean anything but empty promises and poisoned memories.”

[storiesofwildfire]

ϟ Have they ever gotten pleasure from causing others pain? 
™ Are they possessive?

{ @mxrdermystery } || horrific headcanons – status; accepting

ϟ Have they ever gotten pleasure from causing others pain?

Without a doubt, yes, Loki has derived pleasure from inflicting physical and/or emotion pain onto others. This isn’t something that Loki enjoys every single time he hurts another person. Sometimes hurting them is strictly a necessity due to circumstances or war or any number of reasons he might be pit against another person. 

When it’s personal and he goes out of his way to cause someone pain, however, it’s usually because he feels that they deserve it because they’ve wronged him or someone he loves and he absolutely enjoys every single second that they suffer at his hands. It’s not really torture. Torture isn’t something he actually enjoys, especially given that he’s been on the receiving end of some of the worst mental and physical torture imaginable. It’s more along the lines of someone else knowing that he was the reason they were brought to their knees or that he was right all along or that he was able to pay them back for the wrongs they inflicted on him. 

It’s also not a sexual sort of pleasure, either, it’s just general good feelings. 

™ Are they possessive?

I answered this for Loki here, so I’m going to answer this one for one of my ocs, Inka.

Inka isn’t really possessive. Instead of being possessive in the terms of “this is mine, don’t touch him/her and don’t talk to him/her” she’s more protective. Despite not having children, Inka has a very motherly-like personality. There’s not much she isn’t willing to do to protect the people that she cares about.

[storiesofwildfire]

A BIRTHDAY ESSAY FOR LOKI

Birthdays had never been the best of days for Dahlia. She didn’t understand the NECESSITY of them since she considered her birth as one of the largest cosmic FUCK UPS ever. However, as of late she was coming to a DIFFERENT understanding. Her time with LOKI was proving to her that there were people out there that were a GIFT for being in her life. Never in her life had she imagined calling SOMEONE a gift.

Loki was different though, his PAIN felt as real as her own to her, and his FEELINGS did matter to her. If Mal was there he would call it LOVE. Even though Dahlia was not ready to call it anything. An intense case of LIKING someone perhaps.

This stemmed from her FEAR of not only being REJECTED but also being ABANDONED. Those two had been in PRISON a while and aside from Dahlia all Loki had was BEASTS and his books. A part of her was scared that she was only good in prison and now that they were OUT he would leave. He would no longer be her FRIEND.

These thoughts DID NOT matter today though. It was Loki’s BIRTHDAY and she wanted to do something celebrate it. Having him in her life was an occasion WORTH celebrating. So Dahlia went out to get her favourite ICE CREAM CAKE and some of those cheesy decorations and balloons. It wasn’t about any of those but she knew Loki probably didn’t feel the birthday love much. At a PALACE as large as a small city, even on a day like this, he probably felt alone in his own feast.

So what Dahlia was trying to create was a birthday that was REAL. She had even got him a nice birthday present. Well, to be more accurate she had STOLEN him a nice present. It was an emerald ring with a hidden compartment for poison. It was nothing special, museum said it was from CHINA and some bullshit dynasty that she couldn’t be bothered to READ UP on. She just thought it was pretty like LOKI.

Playing with the ring at her hand, Dahlia dived deeper into her thoughts. A dangerous place to wonder but she needed to go there. Her time PRISON with Loki had been transforming for her, she had never OPENED UP to anyone like that before. She had never felt like a kinship like that before. After they had ESCAPED, he had navigated them through WORLDS she had never even heard of before and she could honestly say that it was the BEST time of her life. Dahlia didn’t think Loki knew just how much she really loved SPACE. And she was lucky that her BEST FRIEND got to be the one to show her. Then he had taken her back HOME just like he promised, and he had STAYED just as he promised.

Dahlia laughed remembering how Ares hated Loki the first time. He was like a CAT and Ares already had prejudice against man. And even HE came to love LOKI.

At time Dahlia wondered what her life would be IF she had met Loki sooner. Would she still turn out the way she was? BROKEN to the point of ashes, with no hope of anything BETTER. Dahlia was CRUEL, and she was HEARTLESS, she was a DRUNK and a SAD FUCK. A part of her wondered could LOKI have pulled her out of the abyss before she had dived in head first.

COULD SHE DO THE SAME FOR HIM?

They were like those soldiers in movies, CARRIYING each other through a FIELD of BULLETS and BLOOD. No matter what could have happened, Dahlia knew that Loki was now a PART of her, and despite the way people often saw him, he was, and always would be, THE BEST part of her. 

[I wanted to explore Dahlia’s relationship with Loki, as well as express just how much he really means to her. This is just a tiny window into her opinion of the God of Mischief. Happy Birthday Loki, and as the mun I am so glad you are here to give us more Loki!]

♔—- In truth, he wasn’t expecting Dahlia to do anything for his birthday. Why would he? He never even shared when his birthday was.

For Loki, the idea and concept that revolved around his birthday was such a sensitive subject. For years, he believed that he was born to Frigga and her husband in the safety of Asgard’s palace, but when he discovered the truth of his origins, he didn’t know what to think. Odin said that his birth parents–Laufey and his spouse–tossed Loki out for being a runt. Odin said that they left him to die on a frozen tundra without a shred of love or empathy in their hearts for him.

But Laufey accused Odin of being a thief and a liar. And Loki was left wondering just how much Odin stole from Jotunheim? Was he truly abandoned or did Loki’s adoptive father steal him from his real parents? Did Loki have a chance to live a happy life on Jotunheim with a family that truly loved and valued him? Would his life had been better if he’d been left on Jotunheim where he belonged?

Either way, it was definitely the sort of thing that he avoided thinking about and he often ignored his birthday altogether because it brought around such horrible memories and dark thoughts that once he gave into, he’d be trapped in for days.

At the same time, however, he found himself craving that sort of position attention, to make his birthday seem less awful. For people that he loved and who loved him to show that they loved him by taking something terrible and making it wonderful? Gods, that would mean the world to him.

Needless to say, when he walked into a decorated apartment that was filled with strange decorations and balloons and Dahlia sitting amongst it, he was left in a state of shock.

“What’s all this?” Loki asked as he came into the room. His emerald eyes couldn’t focus on Dahlia for long though because they kept bouncing between the decorations that littered the apartment. The only reason he was sure that the decorations were for his birthday was because one of the banners literally said the words ‘Happy Birthday.’ 

A small smile crept onto his face but his eyes were dancing with childlike enthusiasm. 

“How in the Nine did you even know what today was my birthday?” he asked as he finally came to meet her gaze.

[storiesofwildfire]

💭

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♔—- ‘We’re two peas in a pod, as Midgardians say. When I look at her, I feel more like I’m looking at a reflection of myself. We’ve both suffered so much and we’ve both endured so much, yet we both keep coming back stronger than before. I’m not sure if I’m better when I’m around her. We seem to encourage some pretty bad behavior when we’re with one another, but I know that I’m happier when I’m with her. I’m stronger when I’m with her. I’m not alone when we’re together because she truly understands my suffering. She understands me better than any other person ever has and I’m not sure what I’d do without her.’

[storiesofwildfire]

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[storiesofwildfire]

✂

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♔—- “Maybe–” Loki hissed from behind the unsuspecting man that was too caught up in threatening Dahlia. Under ordinary circumstances, he believed that Dahlia could and would take care of herself but considering they were no longer on Midgard and the creatures that roamed this realm were brutish and much stronger than the average mortal, his physical dominance was enough to subdue her.

     “You ought to pick on someone as ugly as you are.”

     With that, a cane much like the one he housed the Mind Gem inside of materialized in his grip and he swung, bringing the instrument down upon the man’s back with such a great-yet-terrible force that it slammed the brute into the ground. A few sickening cracks resonated through the air and he howled in pain as he squirmed to not only attempt to get up, but get away from Loki as well. 

     As quickly as the cane appeared, it vanished, and Loki reached down with one hand, grabbing hold of the back of the man’s tunic. He hauled him up onto his knees, which earned another scream of agony. Loki, fortunately enough for the offender, hadn’t broken his spine, but he’d definitely dislocated a shoulder and possibly cracked a few ribs. His free hand found its way into his hair and he yanked it back, forcing him to look at Dahlia.

     “Now that you’re in your proper place, I think it’s time that you pay my friend the apology that you so rightfully owe her, don’t you think?”

[storiesofwildfire]

👗

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