May 17
Me when i post my angst
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Me when i post my angst
Maple & Steel
samurai!Iwaizumi x fem!reader angst
Pre-Edo Period royalty AU
The kami blessed you with a perfect day in your family’s garden, but you thank them with a restless heart. Seated under your favorite tree, a stunning maple with leaves as red as blood, your mind is anywhere but here.
You’ve read the same sentence in your book a dozen times, but you still can’t remember what it says. Every syllable drowns under the ominous swirl of your thoughts, so, with a sigh, you decide that reading is just as hopeless as you feel.
“What troubles you, my lady?”
When you look up, you see a man whose broad shoulders eclipse the low afternoon sun. The turquoise-and-white kamishimo he wears moves gently with every step, making him look like water flowing calmly over stones.
On any other day, his presence would soothe you just as much as a walk by the river would. But today, Iwaizumi Hajime, the eldest son of his clan, is the last person you want to see.
The gentle breeze stills. Without it, the summer air hangs heavily around you, and silence buries the garden.
Iwaizumi inclines his chin in your direction, peering down his nose at you. “Speak.”
“You would command me?” You smile through your threatening tone. You are the daimyo’s daughter, while he’s just a samurai’s son. If your father heard him speak to you that way, swift punishment would be in order.
If only your father knew about the romance you’ve been hiding from him.
You stand up, hiding your face in the shadows of the maple tree. Carefully, you eye Iwaizumi; watching, waiting for him to answer. On most days, he would respond to your coyness in kind, but today is not most days.
Today, a rift as wide as the sea lies between you, and you fear what you might find in his face when you cross the depths.
“Please,” he says gently, “tell me what’s on your mind.”
When Iwaizumi calls, you can’t help but answer. From the moment you met him as children, he’s known your heart well enough to see through lies and half-truths with frightening ease. “I heard your name on the war party roster. You’re going to travel at my father’s side.”
Though it was not a question, he still answers. “Yes.”
Your breath catches in your throat and tears sting your eyes. You knew it was true, but your heart still clenches when you hear it from his lips. “Congratulations.”
Riding with the daimyo is an incredible honor, but his eyes are full of dread. He looks away from you, searching for comforting words he cannot seem to find. “We ride west in the morning.”
“How far? How long?”
“Telling you might put you in danger,” he says.
“With whom?”
The stiffness of his upper lip is all the answer you’ll receive. You know that he’s right. He’s doing his best to protect you from the storm of war that gathers far to the west, but something more slices through your heart with a katana’s precision.
You leave the maple tree’s shade and step into the sun, placing yourself within arm's reach of Iwaizumi. You watch his hands twitch at his side, see him internally weigh actions and consequences, duty and honor—and then, he seizes you by the hand.
You grip his arm. It’s sturdy, like a tree branch, so you wind your weak, vulnerable roots around him. In seconds, you’re captured in his embrace, planted firmly where your heart knows you belong.
When he grabs your face, neither the cool silk of his kimono nor the warmth of his fingertips can stop your tears. He holds you as gently as he would hold the head of a rose, with a touch so delicate that you barely feel him. You need more, you realize, as your longing overtakes you completely.
“I will not have you become a ghost,” you sob.
A shaky breath flows from his lips, and you marvel at how well he manages to tame his emotions while yours are a raging ocean.
“I can’t protect you from this pain,” he whispers. You know his heart, too; he takes on your pain as if it’s his own, and counts every ounce of fear you feel as a personal failure.
You can't bear to look at him, so you let your tears soak his sleeve instead. A hum ripples from his chest and reaches your ears, shushing you as gently as a honed warrior possibly can.
With his free hand, he begins to stroke your hair. “Please, don’t cry for me. Sadness doesn’t suit your beauty.”
“But what if—”
“I would kill every cruel thought in your head if I could,” he interrupts. His voice has a sharp edge that makes you believe the threat wholeheartedly. “And then, I’d fill the space with sweet words instead.”
You sniffle. “Iwa—”
“I would write ten thousand songs for you. I would use ink and paper I made myself, so you can feel the patience of my love in every brush stroke. I would string together the words the kami whisper through the trees when I think of you. I would read them to you personally, reciting every word by your bedside until you grow sick of me.”
Finally, a smile tries to return to your face. You bite your lip, nuzzling his chest. “I could never grow sick of you.”
“Good,” he says. “Because I am nothing without your affection. When I ride west, when I raise my sword, I only do so to fight for a better future—one that you deserve.”
The wind picks up, rustling the maple leaves and billowing through his kamishimo. You tilt your head to look at him, and you find red-rimmed eyes and a sad smile that’s full of love. Your heart beats like a butterfly’s wings.
“Wait for me,” he says
“Come home to me,” you reply.
“I will,” he says. “I promise, my love.”
breakups
Here's some dialogue I had in a draft. Im sure these could work for other scenarios as well.
"If I had known that was going to be the last time I spoke to you, I would have never let our talk end."
"I had to change. I had to change so much. Not to forget you, I could never do it, but to become someone who could survive without you."
"I waited for you. And, a part of me knew you'd never come back. But I stayed...and I hoped. So much for wishful thinking."
"For years, I couldn't even shed a tear. And then you showed up. All these emotions that I haven't had a chance to experience or didn't realize I had all came out at once because of you. I can't stop crying. How do I put them all back?"
"Why did it have to be you?"
"I wished I was better for you. I wanted to give you all the things you deserved. I'm sorry I couldn't give you that. I'm sorry I couldn't be enough."
"How did you make it look so easy? You left without even saying a goodbye, and I'm still here searching for shattered pieces of myself I didn't realize broke too."
"When you left, you took parts of me with you that I know I will never get back."
"Save me, i can't face this life alone."
pocket, i woke up to paimon angst and i do not like it *shaking*i have no choice but to punish you for making me feel things so early in the morning. *whips out holy water* i have no choice but to exorcise the angst out of your brain temporarily.
-🍩
NO MY ANGST😭
ITS BEEN EXORCISED!! NOOOO😭😭
HOW EVER WILL I BREAK HEARTS NOW?!?
Happy Valentine’s Day!
And what better way to celebrate than with a new Sengen angst fic :3
https://archiveofourown.org/works/22715422/chapters/54284266
I hope everyone has a great day!
THE SCENE WHERE YATO GETS HIS SHRINE NOBODY TOUCH ME AND MY EXPRESSION STUDIES