1k, T for Trauma, warning: panic attacks & off-screen minor character death, AU - canon divergence
Ship: Michael x Philippa x Philippa
Summary: Michael signed up for a misson that involves bringing a shuttle through an asteroid field, now she realizes that might not have been her best idea.
Blackout poetry to Edna St. Vincent Millay's 'Spring'
Milippa feels for the Star Trek Femslash Fortnight 2022 Friday prompt: 'poetry'
I think the poem (when erasing a few lines and words) neatly shows Michael's feelings, after her Philippa's death, and after meeting a Philippa that isn't quite her Captain, that will never measure up to what she has lost, because she has more edges and less softness even though they look almost exactly the same.
Transcription:
- To what purpose, - do you return again?
Beauty is not enough.
You can no longer quiet me -
I know what I know.
- I observe The spikes - The smell -
It is apparent that there is - death.
But what does that signify?
Not only under ground are the brains of men Eaten -
I'm writing a third part for my two polymilippa fics from last year's fortnight! This one will take place directly after the events of 'Out of the Depths of Hell' and before 'Into the Warmth of Home', and to fit the title in-between them as well, I thought I'd call it 'Through Fear and Hope'.
It's not finished yet, but here's one of the first scenes already for @discoveryfemslashfortnight !
You might want to read the first part before reading this one, as otherwise it won't make much sense.
Rated G / T for Trauma
~~~
Philippa is reclining in her bed on board the Discovery/, going through messages on her padd that Michael has propped up for her against a pillow.
She is still feeling weak, even sitting up properly quickly hurts too much. Still, she wishes people would stop treating her like an invalid! She survived, she is back, she deserves to know what is going on!
Well, she doesn't really blame Michael for treading carefully, she supposes. When they had returned and Philippa, feeling disoriented, had asked to be brought back to her rooms on the Shenzhou, Michael had almost cried.
The knowledge that the ship, her ship as she had seen it for many years, is gone, still hurts Philippa. It had been not just her place of work but her home for almost a decade. Knowing that she will never be able to return aches something fierce. She knows, realistically, that she isn't in any state to take back her captaincy anyway, that she might never fully heal and take a Captain's seat... But she would still feel better knowing her ship was out there somewhere, instead of destroyed and in pieces.
Yes, she understands why the doctors and Michael insist she must be kept from any more terrible news, but still, knowing she can't even access any reports on her padd is bothering her. And really, the not-knowing can't be good for her either, can it?
So much has happened in the time she has been in Klingon capture. Over a year, in fact! She can't remember the exact date she was taken, and she hasn't asked as her requests for information had been rebuffed too many times already by the time she realized she didn't remember that... But she knows the other Philippa, the one wearing black leather and always watching Michael with a possessive gleam in her gaze, has been around for a year now, and she certainly hadn't been when Michael was still her first officer on the Shenzhou.
She still hasn't heard the full story about how that happened, either. Alternative Universes! If she hadn't seen two Michaels and two other Philippas in the same room with her own eyes and heard their explanation about how they helped find her, she might have never believed it.
Everything still feels a bit like a fever dream. Like those moments when she was caught in the other universe felt like: hearing Michael talking to her, only for her to end up back in a torture chamber. She had told herself it must have been a hallucination, but apparently, it was real? It just wasn't her Michael.
So much to wrap her mind around.
She hasn't gotten any new messages, her being found alive still classified information until they can reach earth and get her checked out properly, so the only friend with a high enough clearance she had been able to contact was Katrina, who writes and calls her regularly but is too busy for constant texting, and Philippa doesn't want to constantly bother Michael either, though the younger woman always replies within moments.
Philippa wonders how she has the time to do so. She knows Michael must be busy dealing with the paperwork of the entire affair, on top of her regular duties... And what are her regular duties? Philippa hadn't even been informed of Michael's position on the Discovery. She was able to deduct that she is not the Captain, but with Michael's track record, she shouldn't have been demoted from her position of Commander, even though the Discovery/ is apparently bigger than the /Shenzhou and so keeping her rank could be seen as a promotion, Michael surely deserves it...
The doorbell chimes. After having doctors and nurses come in at all hours of the day, Philippa is glad to have some privacy, and setting the rooms to only let the door open to her or Michael's command (well, letting Michael do it, as Philippa doesn't have any clearance here), had been her first action upon moving into the guest quarters from sickbay.
"Come in!" Whoever it is, it will be better than the boredom of a padd that doesn't have any news on it.
The doors slide open, revealing the other Philippa Georgiou, looking vaguely uncomfortable as she waits for Philippa to let her enter.
Philippa raises an eyebrow. She knows the insignia that woman is wearing, knows that Section 31 codes surely override whichever codes Michael set to the door, and from what she has heard since her return, the other Philippa isn't one to care about pesky little things like privacy.
"I appreciate that you didn't just barge in," Philippa thanks her with a smile. "What brings you here?"
Shrugging, Philippa steps into the room, letting the door slide close behind her as she stalks towards the window. "Don't have any new orders yet. I guess they want to get the both of us back to earth to see whether we're really identical and all."
Philippa nods, letting the non-answer slide. "Yes, I can see how we might be a fascinating case to any scientists. I hope they won't want to turn us into lab-rats!" She can't quite keep her voice as humorous as she means to, a shudder of fear and revulsion at the thought of being locked up and her body prodded once more making her voice shiver.
Philippa's head whips around to face her. "They wouldn't dare. Even if they don't care to lose me as an asset, the public outcry of holding a martyr from the battle of the binary stars prisoner... This universe cares about that kind of thing, doesn't it?"
"That's what they're calling it?" Philippa's voice is faint. It's so strange, hearing about events she lived through as if they're a named chapter of a history book. "But... I don't think the public even knows what has happened to me. They could - they could -" she stops speaking, unable to form her fears into words.
The other Philippa walks over and cautiously pats her shoulder. Philippa gets the impression that she isn't very good at this comforting thing, and from what little she has learned of her original universe through med-bay gossip from the nurses before they were reminded not to tell her things (she used to lead an entire empire, constantly at risk of being assassinated? And what, that universe just 'doesn't do' friendship or love??), that more than makes sense.
Still, she gratefully grasps Philippa's hand. It twitches as if Philippa wants to pull away but thinks differently at the last moment.
"Tell them, then," Philippa finally speaks. "tell them what happened to you. Broadcast a video to the entire federation! What are they going to do about it then? It's not like they can demote you anymore, and they can't punish you by locking you up when you show the public you did nothing but speak up."
Philippa winces. "I can't, really. This thing doesn't even access my own reports, and-"
"Give it to me." Philippa holds out her hand for the padd, and Philippa gives it to her somewhat reluctantly, even more reluctantly letting go of her hand. She watches as the other Philippa frowns down at the padd for a while before giving a decisive not. "I'll be back."
~~~
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An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
Philippa/Michael/Philippa, 10k total, but both fics can be read as standalones!
Part 1 / Backstory: 7k T, mirror Milippa + Philippa Prime's return from the not-quite-dead
Part 2 / smut: 3k E, months later, threesome - smut with feelings
This is my last (and slightly late) entry for @discoveryfemslashfortnight! Special thanks @thesevenwondersofawitch @girlgoneangsty for enabling me with p2 xD
