My Problem With: Death Note
Death is Manga/Anime series made in Japan by a guy. I don't know the guy's name and honestly I don't care because Death Note is literally the worse. Let me explain.
So for the one person out the maybe five people who will read this allow to briefing explain the plot of Death Note. So you got this kid, Light, and he's just the best. He makes all the good grades and all girls want to kiss him, but he don't want to kiss the girls. He wants deeper meaning and he gets exactly what he wants. Okay, the other half of the set up. So you got this Shinigami Death God who looks like the love between Frankenstein's Monster and The Crow, Ryuk, and he bored, so he throws a magic notebook down on the Earth. The titular *DEATH NOTE* (Queue Theme Song), a notebook that kills people, and he had it made in English because it's most popular language in the world despite himself being a Japanese concept and having his own Death Note be in Japanese, I think(I don't read Japanese). Okay, so now Light finds the Death Note reads the instructions, oh yeah Ryuk put instructions in the book, and tests it out. First on some dude on TV and a second time on a random biker rapist because that's apparently a issue in Japan. So after those two experiments he is confident in the notebook's power and decides to use it for the greater good by murdering criminals by the thousands in order to create a grand utopia where everyone is happy forever . Ooooffffff course, by "criminals" Light means only blue collar criminals. You know murderers, thieves, and rapist. Which yeah, are all pretty bad things. So with this mass murder spree some government official start to notice that this shit ain't natural yo, and every mustache having cop in japan got together and started trying to figure what the deal was. Including Light's Dad! (Dun Dun Duuunn!). Well despite having the finest collection of mustache in all of Japan they can't solve anything, until a mysterious mystery man comes forth and brings out a laptop with an even more mysterious mystery man being broadcast through it. The man on the laptop is 'L', the world greatest detective, and solves everything literally immediately, but Light is clever and always spills out of whatever scheme L hatches to prove Light is Kira(oh shit, okay ''Kira" is the name the media gives the mysterious murder man that murders murderer and Light is Kira, alright? Cool.) So L is trying to catch Kira and he knows Light is Kira, but he can't prove it, and so starts the epic back and forth until L dies and series replaces him with two other super detectives who do prove Light is Kira and fucking kill him. The End.
Okay now that I just walked through 52 episode of bulls- I mean, of intent trilling drama I can start talking about my problem with Death Note why the fuck does L know exactly what's going on at all times!
Sorry, I should have transition that better. Here let me try again: So, why the fuck does Light only kill blue collar and ignore all the white collar crimes that create a lot problems that creates blue collar crime!
Dammit, I fucked up again. One more time: Why is Light the worst human ever to be born!
I just can't focus. There's so much bullshit in Death note and it just all weaves together that it becomes impossible to talk about one thing without four other threads unraveling. Oh well I guess I'll just start at the beginning.
Light Yagami is Mary Sue fanfic character. Literally, he is portrayed as a perfect little godchild. Best in school and super popular. All the teachers love him and all the girls want to kiss him. He is the envy of the everyone around him and he does not give a fuck around any of it. Literally any girl in the entire school would jump at the chance to this pretty boy stud and he responds with asexual uninterest. Same with his genius intelligence. He's like the smart sum bitch in all of Japan and he doesn't care. His apathy is literally plot point. The very first plot point in fact. He literally apathicly stares out the window which allows him to see the Death Note fall from the fucking sky. The entire of Death Note would not have happened if Light Yagami had to try in the maintaining of the top rank in school, but because he's a perfect little Mary Sue, with perfect grades, and perfect hair, and perfect face that all girls want to kiss, he doesn't have to try and the effect of Death Note proceed. Starting with: actually getting the Death Note, which is some of the edgiest writing if you're aware enough to see it.
So the Death Note falls from La Sacré Bleu into the courtyard of Light’s school, at least I think it's the courtyard, regardless it fell in visual range of Light’s classroom and he decides to investigate. Here is where the edgy bad writing start, because if you remember Light saw the Death Note fall to Earth during class, a class he didn't care about, which was at most took three seconds and then just sat there. That means Light saw that and had it remain in his mind until the end of school, which I guess is fine because he doesn't care about school and in Japan students don't switch classroom but rather the teachers go from classroom to classroom, and have their own personal desk in a staff room(little fun fact there) and I'll also add that maybe it was last class of the day, so he didn't have to remember that long and the Death Note would have been in his line of sight the whole time, but it still had to have been in mind at the end of day. A three second moment that he shows barely a reaction to. He doesn't move to lean over to the window or anything. He doesn't even lift his head from his hand. He eyes widen, a bit, and that implies enough interest to investigate. So he investigates. He nonchalantly walks over a picks it up and reads the cover “Death Note? As in a notebook of death?” opens it and read first instruction. Who's ever name is written in this notebook with die. Then he puts it down. Why? because he doesn't care. After watching a three second moment and having it remain in his mind throughout class and having it interesting enough to actually investigate he ends up not caring about the goddam black sky book because he just so cool that he thinks “it's like those chain letters” despite the fact it fell from the fucking sky. That is, until he does, because if you remember in Death Note the whole Death Note series happens and so Light has to pick the Death Note back up from the spot he placed it and decide to take it with him. Which he does and because again Death Note happens he starts to use it.
So when Light gets home to his perfectly functioning family that puts no real pressure on him to a perfect little god child, he just is, he goes to his room and begins to read the instructions. Write a brother's name, brother dies. Also, you need the brother's face in your own mind in order to prevent every brother with the same name from dying. You can control the actions of a brother as well the fucking universe itself, within limitations. Like you can't make someone sing every Britney Spears song if they never hear of Britney and you can't a shoe decay on a subatomic level and trigger a nuclear explosion, but anything within physical limitation. You can make people take different routes from home and work. You can make construction equipment break down. You can make two young souls fall in love at first sight at cross the street and come to each and profess their love before getting hit by a semi. Pretty anything you can imagine happening in a cheap romance novel can do it with the Death Note, and Light takes full advantage of this. Now of course Light doesn't believe it right away and so he decides to test it out and just coincidentally there's a hostage situation on the TV involving an elementary school and the children in it. So the news lady shows a pic and name of guy and Light writes the name down and the guy dies. Obviously, we already know the Death Note works, but Light doesn't believe it. So he does another test, he's at a 7-11 when a biker gang to sexual assault a women in the streets, which is just fucking weird. Okay, yes street harassment is a problem but how often does a fucking biker gang, first of all exist in Japan and second, just go up to random women and process to start sexually assaulting them. See, this is what I'm talking about with the edgy writing. Why not literally anything else? Why not a mugging? Why not just a random physical assault? Why did it have to be public rape? You could have them beat up a guy, then have the guy run off, and then have the biker walk into the street gloating to get hit by the truck for Light to confirm that the Death Note can control the universe, because that was the whole point. Confirming the Death Note can control the universe, only crime worth of that test was rape in a public area, which again kinda implies that that's a bit of a problem in Light neighbor. Random bikers just raping people in public, because the explanation is pure coincidentally luck and we already have two happenings of that. Once with Light getting of the Death Note out of the many billion people on Earth and twice with the hostage situation at the exact time Light wanted to test the Death Note. Once is a plot, twice is a tool, thrice is a hack. Simplest of all he could have the 7-11 he was inside of at the time get robbed by a serial robber, thus making the set up less coincidence, and then have him get hit by a truck, but the hack writer of Death Note decided to instead have public rape happen right outside the store(with half a dozen witness), have someone shout the name of the biker leader(become he wasn't known by the public), and have Light be in that exact spot to see and hear everything(as supposed to anywhere else). Once, twice, thrice, hack.
Okay, so it's confirmed that the Death Note does work and can control the universe. Well, what does one do with such power? Why, make a better place, of course! You don't have very many options. Kill everyone you hate is the only other option I see, and Light would never do that because he's a perfect little godchild gifted to the earth by the stars themselves(REMEMBER?!), so he would never. So Light decides to make the world a better for everyone by murdering of hundreds of blue collar criminals who only effect a handful of individuals at most instead of the dozens of white collar criminals who effect entire percentiles of the populations. Yeah, that... fucking... makes.. senses. No it doesn't. It doesn't. It just fuckin doesn't. Why doesn't Light kill major players in the world in order to make people who actually control the world stop fucking shit up? Well that's simple. Because he's a privileged, entitled, upper middle class child who has no understand of how the world actually works, aka the worse kind of people possible and I fucking hate it. Light believes than criminals commit crimes because they are evil and than the problem with the world a moral problem rather than a situational problem built around poverty and drug abuse(You know, like reality). Okay, I'm getting tired of railing on Light, so moving on. Light kills lots of people and the police notice. Enter L.
The police are trying to figure out who Kira is and how he manages to kill people, but they can't figure it out and the mystery is so big that the world's greatest detective decides to get involved. This detective is L and know literally everything about the Death Note, how it works, and its limitation all before even knowing the Death Note existing, and he learns all of this by guessing. No seriously, he just guesses everything. He guesses that Kira need both a name and a face to kill people and so he gets some random criminal to impersonate L putting out the criminal's real name and having him appear on public television. Furthermore, he guesses that Kira is in a specific part of Japan and only shows this act in that one specific area of Japan. He also guesses that Kira is impulsive and childish, which he is wrong about, Light is a very calm and careful planner and very mature(he's just entitled and arrogant), but the writer had him impulsively use the Death Note. Just to add a extra in lump of bullshit Light does this with out even asking if it's morally right to kill a man just doing his job. Yes, he has god complex, but that doesn't mean his morals are turned off. Doesn't mean he can't question how far he's willing to go in order to "Become God". Okay, okay, okay. I'm done railing on Light. Back to L. So L Literally guesses off one bit of information where Kira lives and conditions he need to kill people(a name and a face), sets up a fake global broadcast with a real criminal who was scheduled for execution, because of course the brilliant good hearted detective would never do something so cruel as use a regular not scheduled for death criminal as bait for the magical killer to kill, he was sentenced to death so it's okay to kill him, on live television. That's thing altogether, why was it live? Why risk exposes your entire body double plan when a prerecorded 'live' broadcast would have worked just as well and have no risk of the criminal fucking something up. Okay back on point, L guesses just guesses at everything and is right every time. It gets real annoying real fast, but the thing that gets me is the fact on one ever says "magic".
Okay, imagine if you will dear reader you wake up one morning and suddenly you start shooting fire out your hands. Never mind your react, what I want to know is how do begin to explain that shit to yourself. Well the obvious conclusion is "magic is real and I have it" or some variety of. Mutant power. Psychic power. The point is when something that shouldn't be possible is possible and happens people simply believe it's magic, or if they strongly disbelieve in magic then they seek a non-magical explanation. This never happens in Death Note, ever. Never does anyone ever even suggest that something outside of current human understanding is happening. Even when learn that magic is real and Shinigami are actually things they never question their understanding of the universe. Seriously reader, you learn that there's a race of god of death and one fly into room, what do you ask this thing? Are there other gods? Which religion is right? Should I worship the sun? No one asks these questions ever. Not Light. Not L. Not the dozens of cops. Not Misa Misa(we'll get to her). They literally have meetings and no one ever says "Yo. Dis shit. It be magic,yo."
Fuck, see what I mean? I literally can not talk one thing with out it fly off into three others things. Okay, let's time skip.
So, Light goes on a date, L does some creepy creeper shit, Light does something with a potato chip, and we get introduced to the only good character in the whole, Misa Misa. There's other stuff that happens but fuck it, time skip. I'm already 3 and half pages in a really don't want to set any expections yet.
So some point a second Kira enters the fray. They make a video taped speech and mail it into the national news. We know it's a second Kira because Light didn't do it and yet they prove they have a Death Note by using it on public television. That is they have everyone flip to another channel wear they watch someone die proving they're Kira. . . . . L immediately knows it's a second Kira. Immediately. Like not even "Is Kira changing tactics?" Just straight to "There's a second Kira." which is pointless because the second Kira admits to be a second Kira later on, but L is just greatest detective ever and so he automatically know the second Kira and-(FOCUS! Fuck! This series is such crap. I can't maintain a single thought without it exploding into a rant. Okay, back to Misa.) So with some trickery she finds out Light is Kira and tracks him down. He wants to partner up, but keep some distance. She wants to fuck, and that's why she's the best character, because she's written the way a character like her would be. She's an up and coming pop star with the power to kill. She not very intelligent, but she works more information, because unlike Light she has a Shinigami that's willing to actually tell her things. For example, she know that someone who owns a Death Note does not have their life span over their head when viewed with the eyes of a Shinigami by a human. Oh yeah, she has the eyes of a Shinigami. A stupid power up that allows people to see the names and life spans of people in exchange for half their own remaining life span, which she has plenty of thanks to some Shinigami mook sacrificing himself. So yeah, Misa Misa is dumb, but has more information to work with and thus is capable of tricking Light, L, and other detective to get what she wants. The love of Kira, man who killed the killer of her parent, and so she throws herself to Light, and Light is a fucking scum bag to her. Le Sigh.
I just starting page 5 of this(...essay? We'll say essay.) of this essay I've barely gotten past the third episode, so I know you're sick of read all this reading I'm to try and wrap up by the end of this page.
Okay, so Misa has join the fray and is helping Light as the second Kira. L know all of this because of course-(NO, bad Teedy, stay on topic), L knows and brings Light into the investigation after telling him point blank "I am L. I know you're Kira. I can't prove it yet. Would you like to join the investigation?" which brings about the most complex series of planned events I've ever seen in anything, ever. The cops arrest Misa, because they know she's Kira 2, and lock her up. Not 'put her in a jail cell', but lock her into a chair and strap her down to where she can't move, also blindfold her. Which is a bit much for a bunch of guys who believe nothing supernatural is happening(Stop it and focus). They do all this to prove she's Kira 2, because she can't kill then... well Light can still kill, soooo I don't know. Anyway, yes Misa is locked and starts to lose her mind. Light tell Misa to give up the Death Note through her Shinigami, and she done. This erases your memory about the Death Note, and Shinigami, and everything involving the two. Convince. How? Well that's super obvious. It's a natural thing to happen. Not like it's FUCKING MAGIC OR SOMETHING(NONONO, stop!) Moving along, L knows Misa lost her memory, because he's L, but can't prove it, so he keeps her locked up. Light then volunteers to be locked up because, and then what the writers of one of most beloved Manga/anime series ever decides to make come out Light mouth, he might be Kira and not know it. How he can suggest that with out bringing up the possibility of- never mind. So Light is locked up which means no one is dying in the streets which confirms that Light is Kira, except that's exactly what Light planned. So Light gives up the Death Note and Ryuk just fucks off... with a plan. They get the Death Note to a business guy. A business guy who is exactly the kind person I said Light should have been killing this whole time, but never mind, and that guy starts to kill people while Light is locked up, and everyone conclusions that Light is innocent. Everyone, except L. Remember, L knows literally everything, which means; he knows Light is Kira, he knows Misa is Kira 2, he knows that they need a name and a face, he knows Misa has the power of the eyes of a Shinigami, he knows Misa lost her memory, he knows Light is tricking him, he knows Light lost his memory, and he knows the new Kira is someone else.
Okay, so yeah, L does one test where he pretends to have Light's father go crazy and plans to kill Light and Misa and they are suppose to kill him to survive. Now dear readers I should tell that this would not had work even if they had their memories because they did have the Death Note, because see L doesn't know about the Death Note. He only know everything about how they work, but because of this one over sight L admits that Light is not Kira. Except he doesn't. Because he knows Light is Kira. Because he know everything. (OMG, why does anyone like this shit?)
So now we the part of the series where Light must track out the Death Note and regain his memories, all with out anyone catching him, which is going a really big challenge that he passes with little to no effort, have you even paying been attention?
So Light gets the Death Note back, and L whines up dead, and Kira wins. Until he gets killed by a midget, but that's for another time because I am on the very last of page 5. Later.
-Thanks for reading. I could have gone for another 10 pages, but I didn’t want to over do it. Maybe someday I’ll do another part. Last time I watched Death note was 2 years ago, so I might rewatch it and make another essay. Well see yall next time.
