#my random personal posts

[xlostlenore]

my random personal posts

I may have lost a friend because of something I did and I feel like writing it down might make it easier to handle. 

So, some time ago I accidentally said something that turned out to be very triggering to a friend of mine and they haven’t been able to talk to me since. I wish I could go into detail but I respect their privacy so I can’t. I’m trying to deal with this situation to the best of my ability and it’s not going well. For the first time in my life I’m faced with a situation I can’t solve by talking about it. And let’s just say I’m not adjusting to it well. I keep wanting to contact my friend but I know it would make things worse, so I’m very hard trying not to. But it’s getting more and more difficult to restrain myself.

I wish I at least knew if they’re ok. I wish I knew if they still constantly struggle with what happened or whether they’re possibly feeling a bit better.  I wish I knew if they think about me and about the whole thing, and whether they ever feel like they want to message me.  But most of all, I wonder if I have lost them for good. Dealing with their complete silence is even more difficult than I imagined.

[xlostlenore]

my random personal posts

I’ve heard people say their political views shouldn’t effect their friendships and other relationships in any way and that people can vote for whoever they want.

Basically I agree, but when my mom admires and votes for someone who doesn’t believe I should have the same human rights as everybody else, how am I supposed to not take that personally? How can I not let that effect our relationship?

[xlostlenore]

my random personal posts

there was a girl at my gym today who had shaved almost all of her hair off and she looked so cool! She noticed me looking at her and in a momentary attack of braveness I told her I love her hair.  Now I keep wondering if she’s queer. I know, it doesn’t mean a woman is queer if they have short hair, but somehow I think an average straight woman wouldn’t shave almost all of it off. Not that I know that many straight people. :P What do you guys think?

It doesn’t really make any difference whether she is queer or not, but it would be great to know there’s another non-straight person who goes there. But I also know I want to see queer people everywhere because I know so few IRL, so it could be just wishful thinking.

[xlostlenore]

my random personal posts

Sometimes I’m just so frustrated and tbh pissed you know. The reason for these feelings may sound like nothing, but it’s something my life seems to revolve around these days.  I have constant cold-like symptoms, including fatigue. I mean they’re seriously constant. 

That wouldn’t be such a big deal if I didn’t have daily problems with my back and the only cure/relief is regular exercising. If I can’t exercise at least 3-4 times a week, my back problems won’t let me sleep properly.  And I feel like my depression and anxiety make insomnia feel worse than it actually is. But the worst thing about insomnia is that it makes exercising the next day difficult.

I have the drive to exercise, I love it, it feels great. I never skip a gym day, unless I have those annoying symptoms that force me to. I’m practically dying to do gym regularly and the fact that I can’t is just so fucking frustrating?? Whyyyyyyyy does this keep happening?? Aaaargh 

[xlostlenore]

aah i just tweeted one of the finnish MEPs and i’m nervous haha i’m rarely on twitter and i have never tweeted anyone i don’t know and since i’m socially challenged, i’m kinda fidgety. and what if she replies? gaaahh 

[xlostlenore]

my random personal posts

i gotta admit i think i just kinda outdid myself. i went for a long walk even tho i was so tired i just wanted to cry (haven’t been sleeping so well lately) 

reeeaally hoping this will help me sleep tonight 

*crosses fingers*

but like.. i’m feeling .. a bit accomplished? good for what i managed to do? almost even proud of myself? 

huh.

[xlostlenore]

my random personal posts

Just my random thoughts so under the cut

Wow it has been a while. I left after the Great Purge and now am thinking of coming back, at least kinda. I’ve missed tags more than I can say, retweeting has felt so empty with no opportunity to yell about my feels like I used to in tags. But now I feel so insecure tagging, like have my English skills really gotten so much worse or is this something else? I’m so disappointed in myself for feeling this insecure. Maybe I’ll get used to it tho?

[xlostlenore]

my random personal posts

I was at the gym today and saw this nice woman I hadn’t seen in a year or possibly even longer than that but anyway, we talked and she said I’m about half the size I was when she last saw me!!!!

I struggle with weight (haven’t managed to lose any in a while) and it felt so incredibly good to hear someone say I look smaller anyway!!!  It’s not always just the number that your scale shows you that matters, so I shouldn’t stress about it so much!

I’m so glad and thankful and happy!!