#my roommate

[cannibal-faith-interpreter]

how'd your roommate taste :3

...

i would never and i have never and i will continue to never eat her. and if you want to make another sly little suggestion K fair reminder i have plenty of people who would love to hunt you down.

[entity9silvergen]

Every trans guy needs a rolodex of memories of times they were undeniably A Guy TM

I am not having gender doubts, but I am thinking about when my ex roommate very gently told me I was getting way too into grilling

[evilturble]

roommate is finally listening to malevolent ep56 and shes avoided all spoilers + i’ve misled her pretty heavily……hehes

[sentimental-apathy]

wait I meant do you vear vigs

Ohhhh

[max-not-an-innuendo]

“When I buy a nice pen I’ll know I’ve made it, I’ll have a fancy office, a nice office, and I’ll get one or two pens: I’ll put one on the desk and stick the other one in the little cupholder, and I’ll shove one in the drawer. Three pens.”

[feckn-bingus]

meat ravioli, or meatvioli, if you're my roommate

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

I think my roommate is an alien who has never interacted with a human kitchen before, but he's seen enough daytime TV to piece together some of the basics.

Food goes in the fridge mostly, but also sometimes out on the counter. He's not really sure what or for how long, so I regularly come home to day old pasta and hard boiled eggs just sitting out and attracting bugs.

Cleaning involves putting liquid on things and then taking the liquid away. That second part always seems to trip him up. You know how sometimes there's a hole in your garbage bag and some goo accumulates at the bottom of the can? His method of cleaning that goo is to pour in an inch or two of Fabuloso and then leave it like that. Don't pour it back out, just put a new bag in and let it be someone else's problem (re: mine). That's always a fun surprise, taking out the trash and having a stream of garbage soap drip down my leg.

He uses an oven mitt as a 2-in-1 dishwashing glove/sponge.

The concept of cabinets and drawers apparently confuse and frighten him, so he keeps most of his stuff inside the oven, the microwave, or MY sink-side drying rack; whenever I do my dishes I have to pile my shit on top of his.

He cooks all of his meals between 1 and 4 AM.

I feel like I'm in some weird psychological experiment. "How will he react if I keep paper towels in the sink? Will he say anything if I put potatoes in the freezer? Wax paper burns in the toaster, but what about tin foil? Surely, SURELY, he'll say something to my face if I wrap my bread in tinfoil before I toast it." Is there no line? He's not being actively hostile to me, I feel weird calling him out for any of this behavior...