My 6 myths of motherhood - busted.
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..
Salam wbt,
Today - 10th of April 2016 - marks 3 months of Awfahood for us ;)
Alhamdulillah thummal hamdalillah. Could not thank Allah enough. And my loved ones and those who have made our ‘survival’ so far possible, biiznillah.
My hubby-bi who has been there through in and out, thank you my love..
My momma-mia who has been super-supportive and complained so little despite the endless reasons to, thank you Mama..
But them both are stories for later.
Today, it’s my story. Mummy’s story - of Awfahood ;)
I know wordy posts can be lengthy and boring so thought I’d made a come-back of my '6 myths’ series instead :p
So here it is - my 6 myths of motherhood, busted! (at least up till now)
#1 Maternity leave is catch up time.
Wrong. very wrong. The very fact that I am only writing this now (after 3 months!) is a very valid evidence in itself. I remember being visited by a dear sister during the last few weeks of pregnancy when I just started my maternity leave, and she commented on how it would be a marvellous time to 'catch up on my reading’ as I would be off for almost a year. I agreed to it then. How hopefully delusional I was.
Maternity leave ain’t no catch up time. Well at least not in the first few months post-partum or last few weeks of pregnancy. I am however still keeping high hopes to tick off the boxes on my dusty checklist in the next few months, even though I know it is not a guarantee nor would it be easy.
Maternity leave IS however, a beautifully designed learning time, designed by Him. I may not have been able to catch up on so many things just yet, but I could make an endless list of the things I have learnt so far. And mind you, it is a steep learning curve indeed. And so, that would also be a story for later :p
#2 Mommy knows best.
I wish! Oh how I wish.. Because I for one, don’t. Especially earlier on during her early days and weeks. People say Mommy has the intuition, she knows why her baby is crying; she knows when she needs a feed, or a nappy change, or when she is in pain, or even just wanting a cuddle. As much as I’d love that, it is not granted for all moms, especially not me. I could not count the number of times I would end up crying too with Awfa when she cried inconsolably and I couldn’t tell why. Once she cried her lungs out at a friend’s housewarming dinner to the extend that the whole household were trying to console her, until eventually a sister came up with the brilliant idea to swing her in her car seat. And that worked. See. It was not her Mummy. Sometimes we are just as clueless. Fair enough, as she grows I would be able to tell better the differences between her cries and attend appropriately but I still don’t know it all. Probably will never know it all.
So please, don’t give me the 'you’re her mommy so sort her out!’ look if she cries out inconsolably in public; instead try to be understanding and helpful. Understand that babies don’t always use the same 'language’ each time. They have their mood swings too.
#3 Motherhood is about working around a routine.
During more or less the first 2 months of Awfahood, I felt like I was in a dark unending tunnel where I could not see any glimpses of light signing the end. It was a continuous series of 24 hour shifts every day and I was struggling to make the house a home for us. (Thank God for my Mom who is a real saviour - I love you Mama!) Everyday I whined to my Mom of how worried I am if this was to continue - sleepless nights, continuous nursing and changing nappies, endless rocking and swinging to sleep, cleaning leakages and vomitings etc. and Mama would give me her understanding look and say prayingly that things would get better. That I just need to be opportunistic and use time wisely.
Yes, alhamdulillah things did get better. Despite the enormous anxiety counting down Mama’s departure day and the tears on the day she left, we (Awfa and her parents) did actually survive the last 3 weeks or so, alhamdulillah. So yes, things did get remarkably better. Awfa is much more calm and composed, and I am slowly seeing a pattern to Awfa’s days. But, as much as I am working on a routine, having a baby is like having a time-bomb - the only difference is you can’t see the countdown. She (as is any babies I believe) can be very unpredictable - she will have her good and bad days. She can suddenly decide to wake up at 2am even if the last 3-4 nights she’s been asleep until 4am. She can start throwing up and be windy again even if she has been settled and not vomited at all throughout the last week or so and no changes to her routine or your diet have taken place. You can put her down to sleep, cleaned and bathed with a full tummy with the expectation that she will sleep soundly for at least 2-3 hours only for her to wake up crying inconsolably after maybe 10 minutes for no apparent reason.
Of course, I am not saying there is no routine at all, but it isn’t just about following a routine. It is more of trying to make a routine but being flexible and adaptive to any changes necessary. Plans for dinners/outings may need to be cancelled, sleeps may be disturbed, meals may need to be bought even though you’ve planned to cook since morning etc. It also helps to always have contingency plans ie getting things done at the earliest opportunity rather than planning to do it at the weekend when your husband is around just because, anything is possible with a baby in the house. After all, we plan, but He decides how it all spins out. Not complaining.
#4 Having a baby equals to lots of smiles, babbles and happy coos.
This isn’t a total myth but it would be one if the sentence finishes there. Cause having Awfa IS having lots of joy and happiness as she is the sunshines of my day, but also is about having to deal with her bad gloomy days too ie her cries and tantrums. After all she is a little dependent baby who can feel all sort of emotions and is not just a 'happy little munchkin’ all the time. And crying is actually her means of communicating her needs. She will cry when she’s hungry or uncomfortable or in pain, and she cries too when she simply wants to sleep and needs me to cuddle her. So please don’t judge me when I sometimes don’t immediately say 'yes, of course!’ to innocently-ignorant questions/statements that sound like 'bestnya ada babyyy’ or 'mesti best kan ada baby’ or even good intended offers like 'tinggallah baby dgn sy, biar sy jaga sehari dua’. I know I have been guilty of these too in the past but I can’t help boiling up (inside) when it happens to me -.-“
#5 Being a doctor is a bonus to motherhood.
The other day, a doctor-mommy-friend of mine asked our mutual pharmacist-mommy-friend regarding a nappy rash cream that was recommended by her health visitor. To lay-people out there, it might come as a surprise as doctors are 'meant’ to know these things ie medical problems and the medications but what most people don’t really realize is we are humans too, and we don’t know or remember everything we learned (or thought to have learned). Even in hospitals, we have pharmacists to help us in this area where we could not learn it all. Some people also think that being a doctor is an advantage when you’re having a child, but no - to me, it could be a disadvantage too! Not complaining.
But it is true. Cause the more you (think) you know about the human body, the more you became conscious of the endless possibilities. We overthink. And we panic. Just as much as any new lay mommies and daddies would, if not more. What does not help is the fact that a baby is not just a 'small human’. They are VERY different indeed - their body systems and functions etc. And us doctors don’t necessarily deal with these small beings enough (unless you’re a paediatric trainees or consultants) and so we don’t necessarily know a lot of things about them. Even if we do, being first time mommies and daddies mess it all for us, cause this time - it is one of OUR owns.
And so being a doctor is not necessarily a bonus to motherhood. You can have it either way. I ended up spending most of my 'free’ time on googles in the last few months. So please don’t treat us like we should know better. Have mercy on us, and help us as much. Because doctorhood and motherhood are two different paths.
#6 Motherhood is for superMoms.
Having said all above, it is not all supergloomy for the non-superMom. Cause motherhood is not for the strong-hearted and strong-built only. It is tough job undeniably, but with a good will and intention insha'Allah, anyone (with a child) can be a Mom. Nonetheless, being a Mom is a great opportunity to improve oneself in many areas.
May Allah make my little girl a superMuslimah and myself a superMom.
Happy 3-months young my #princessawfa.
new-mummy-bie,
mylittlemummyself