My fear of failure and depression.
Nothing scares me except for myself.
I’m scared that I’ll never climb out of this hole in the ground.
I’m scared that I will never get my head above water.
I’m scared that I am inadequate.
that I won’t amount to anything
that my depression will always hold me back.
I’m scared of constantly fucking crying
Regardless of reason.
I have too many breakdowns
They suffocate me.
I really want to fucking scream in this glass box
filled to the brim with ice cold water.
I sick of drowning in my depression and freezing in apprehension
Because of a chemical imbalance.
I don’t want keep drowning myself
Forcing myself to choke underneath the surface.
I want to thaw out of the glacier of anxiety.
I no long want to
Crawl further down this hole I’ve dug for myself to isolate from social interaction.
There this woman I so desperately want to be
She accepts herself for who she is
Loves herself
And is confident is her capabilities
She changes tides and balanced atop the water.
I need to look within to find her
I need to take her hand to be pulled out of this
So if I reach with in
And I will reunite with her
Myself
The self that is strong confident and balanced
Once more.