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Day 23
The feeling of cold wind on your hot face making your tears freezing cold, is oddly comforting. This is becoming harder then I originally planned. Lord please let this be over soon, so I can start to get the feeling of "wow that was hard but we're here now". For now all I get is "wow this is hard and I miss him so much and I'm trying so hard to be strong all the time"
Day 12
Life has been so blessed lately, I just have been realizing lately how lucky I am. I have the worlds most AMAZING MAN, a wonderful family, and such a good life! I was on the phone with T the other day and he said "I can't wait to take care of you" and while I'm sure it was half joking, it meant a lot because, it made me feel so secure. I had to hold back tears( you'll learn if you already haven't I am a major cry baby). He is genuinely such a hard working good man who makes me feel so special, and I hope he knows how much I appreciate him. I've been so so lucky to be able to work doubles as well as pick up a ton of shifts these past few weeks. Which is the reason for my small hiatus. The more money I can make in the next few weeks the better! And while I am so exhausted, it will all be worth it in a few weeks/month. Tonight, I miss him a little extra. Not because of all anything bad happened, but because I just miss him holding me every night. Soon enough, soon enough.
Day 8
Weekends without you are the hardest, that’s the only time I really cry about it anymore. We spent so so many together in the 2 years that I’m not really sure what to do with myself now that you’re so far away. I miss you everyday more and more, but this is SO worth it! This makes me appreciate how lucky I am to have you, you are such a god sent. I will see you soon, I will kiss you soon, I will hold you soon.
Days 5,6,&7
Hello all! Sorry for the slight hiatus. These past few days have been super mundane and boring. I've been working double-shifts all week and let me just say, I have so much respect for people who have more than 1 job or work doubles on the regular because I am exhausted! But in my little time I do have where I'm not at work I have been cleaning, de cluttering and organizing all of my things so that when I do actually move its not overwhelming. You never realize how much stuff you really don't want/need until pure faced with having to drive it across country. Needless to say I have tons of bags to give to charity. I have been in the gym after work every night too I've decided to get back in shape. I'm done with feeling sluggish and unmotivated. Hopefully my arms and legs don't always feel like they're going to fall off though. Well that's all for now!
Day 4
Hey y'all! Today was day 4, and while it was boring dragging day, it was nice. I kept myself busy, I cleaned out some of my closet, I listed some stuff online for sale, and I had a nice day with my mum. Also! I talked on the phone with T it wasn't for very long but it was so nice to hear his voice. It's weird how you can forget what someone sounds like when you don't hear their voice everyday, it was hard to hold back the tears of joy when he first said hello. I was looking through my journal from the year we met and I found my entry from our first date. I'm definitely going to put that in the scrapbook. It's crazy to think that in basically a month (since tomorrow is the first day of August) we'll have been together for 2 years! I've never been this happy or in love with someone. He is such a good man and I thank god every day for giving me him. Well, that's all for tonight. And remember you can message me if you ever have questions or just want to talk(:
Day 3
Today is the start of my first weekend without anyone, my best friend went back to college today and as you all know my boyfriend is living in Kansas. I’m quite the introvert these days so my circle basically consisted of them. So I feel slightly alone today. But I’m going to keep myself busy, I made a scrapbook today and it made me feel really good to just focus on something else besides how I’m feeling. Maybe I’ll take up some other kind of crafting, like knitting or dunno painting (ha!). I miss him with all my heart but this is the best thing for both of us, without him doing this we wouldn’t have this opportunity and I’m so so grateful for it! I just want to thank him but I don’t think he would get what I’m talking about. I’m so proud of all he has accomplished in these last few years and especially in the last few days! I can’t wait to join him and start this whole journey together. Soon enough, soon enough.
Day 2
Yesterday(day 1) I had a 5 hour shift, which is normal for me I work those a lot. This one in particular was especially hard though, I cried on the way there, I cried on my break, and I cried on my way home. Not only did I not have control over when my eyes would leak, my job was just being particularly annoying. I feel as though that now that I know I’m for sure leaving its really hard to put up with all the little things I used to ignore.
Today (day 2) I have some errands to run and work from 3-6. After I am going to have dinner with my best friend who is going back to college on Saturday. I know you’re thinking the same thing I am sheesh give this girl a break with the goodbyes. This is not a new thing, this is her 3rd year of college so we’ve done this a few times. But! This particular time I am having loads of anxiety because after that I am almost totally alone as far as human contact that I enjoy. My mom has been telling me stories about how her and my dad had to do the same thing that T(we’ll call him that) are currently doing and how hard it was. While it is comforting to know that in the end all of the lonely nights come to a close, I am still going to allow myself to cry until I fall asleep for the next couple of nights. Well, time to run those errands. Wish me luck.
Day 1
Yesterday I said "see you later" to the love of my life and best friend. He is off to Kansas to kick off our newest life adventure. We decided that it would be best for him to go first and have me stay behind a for a few months and continue to work. Today is my first day "alone" while obviously I didn't want to have to stay behind it is by far the best decision in this situation. This is such a weird feeling because many times have boys made me cry my eyes out. This time, while I am still so sad that my eyes hurt every time I think about it, I am still so happy about it. Because this IS a good thing! We are starting a brand new chapter that I get to be apart of! And while he is 1,400 miles away for the next couple months, he'll be back in a few months and then we'll get to continue this chapter together. So for now I will let myself cry and be sad but I will also learn and grow in the process.
