DRUG MENTION TW (Not super detailed but yeah. Most of this post has no mention of it, I will put another tw right before it in case anybody wants to avoid that but read the post)
I had to use my birth certificate to fill out some job onboarding today (When did I get this fucking old) and now I'm just sitting here at nearly 3 am wondering if my husband really did just try to make me feel like I was doing something wrong by slipping that birth certificate back into my binder where it BELONGS or if I'm just crazy.
Goes through my binder looking for bank routing and account numbers bc he won't believe me when I say they need a voided check for direct deposit and thinks I am so stupid that having to put two long numbers on a form confuses me, I guess. When I know I am right because it says that right there on the fucking paper.
"What are you doing with your birth certificate?"
Idk just putting it back where it was before you put it in a safety deposit box in your bank.
Why is this even a question
What are you doing with
Your
Birth certificate?
But the less crazy part of me thinks maybe he was just asking me if I was doing anything with it tomorrow.
anyway sat in a parking lot for an hour in town today and now have this inescapable feeling that I am gonna be in trouble for it within a month because he ended up calling me about 3 times on the way home asking for etas
drug tw
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I literally had just finished smoking meth and for whatever reason where that shit makes other people bounce off the walls I end up glued in place. Buttttt I'm gonna get in trouble for my utterly harmless fucking reaction. Like yes. Meth is bad. It is bad for you and the people around you. But out of ALLLLL the fucking shit people do on meth I think "Sitting in one place in a parking lot in a car I own doing absolutely nothing" ranks among the least harmful to self and society. Like, I hurt nobody and I am still probably going to get in trouble for it just like I always got in trouble for things that hurt nobody before. Like sitting in my car after work literally just choosing a song to play to drive home/to him...next thing I know "WHO ARE YOU TEXTING AND CALLING WHILE YOU SIT IN YOUR CAR BEFORE YOU LEAVE AND BEFORE YOU COME IN"
I'm...checking my phone?
I am DETERMINED to make sure he doesn't find this account bc he for whatever reason takes venting online to strangers as a very personal attack even when 0 identifying information is provided. Calls it slander and everything. Well it's not. It literally does not hurt him in any way bc you can't tell who he is from this post and I don't even provide the state we live in so FUCK YOU YEAH I'M SEEKING VALIDATION FROM STRANGERS BECAUSE YOU CONSTANTLY FUCKING LIE AND TWIST THINGS and strangers are better to talk to than you because they don't fucking interrupt me every. single. day. Every fucking DAY. I will be telling him something and he will just interrupt with something completely unrelated and I end up totally losing my train of thought or sometimes I have to try multiple times to just get one fucking sentence out.
I shit you not, this man has ACTUALLY gotten mad at me for venting to fucking CHATGPT before. A fucking AI BOT. THAT HE SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH ON MY PHONE ANYWAY. He has also in the past literally ripped pages out of a journal because I was ranting about him. In. A. Journal.
And at that point, why the fuck not just do whatever the hell I please? Because you know what, anything but literally just keeping the shit 100% in my head and hardly even that because he almost constantly has me distracted so bad I can barely think about anything other than whatever he has decided is going on, anything but that, will get me in fucking trouble. I'll always be in trouble no matter what. Even if I am perfect he will make something up (Like this weird one recently about an ohio google number that was me sending him a photo from a pizza place???) for me to be in trouble over.

















