#mymatthew

[strangemachine]

i ❤️ my matthew #mymatthew

[dearmattheww]

- kindness + respect = love

"Your music isn't sad. I feel like I can feel it softly playing in my chest. Like I could zone out but still realise it's there. "

I'm still learning that I deserve to be treated

With kindness and respect.

To me, love meant someone staying around,

Because I lost so many people when I was young.

Kindness and respect is love.

And now that I've met you,

And nothing has even happened,

I can feel your warmth and kindness and respect,

Like a weight,

Softly playing in my chest.

[dearmattheww]

- you sound different

it feels like hearing an old story

its so comforting and familiar,

and when I was a child I reached for it often,

but its not what i want to read anymore.

its still so good to hear from you.

its nice to know that after all this time,

you still think im a good person.

[dearmattheww]

- things to be proud of

i said goodbye

i set up a new home

i was brave

i pushed myself

i met new people

i did new things

i experienced heart break so excruciating i ricocheted for months

i patched my heart with clay

i moved on

and after all that

i still have hope

[dearmattheww]

- life is too short to spend it holding on

It's taken me a really long time to realise this.

I've spent all my life living honestly and loudly

that maybe I couldn't hear the quieter voices around me.

I felt like letting things go would make me weak,

And being completely open would make me strong.

After all, nobody can hurt you if all your secrets are out.

But now I'm seeing the damage I'm creating for myself,

and for others.

Living loudly isn't what I thought it was.

[dearmattheww]

- is the scariest thing i could do

Why was it the scariest thing

Why did I hesitate when I said

"You and me"

I moved across the country

I travelled the world alone

But to say to you, that maybe I want something more

[dearmattheww]

- very high emotional and social intelligence, mature, independent

So... there's this boy.

It's been easy for me to push you to the side.

You're my best friend, unreliable, quirky,

A bit of a mess.

But I'm never scared with you.

And when you told me how you feel about me,

I could fly.

[dearmattheww]

- i'm never home

Does everyone have this feeling

Of never feeling like you're home.

I have flown around the world,

Tried different groups, people, places,

And I have never felt like I belonged.

The only feeling of belonging I have ever had was in the uncertainty,

Being alone and being myself.