#mynameisusuallygrace

[hazy-afternoon]

HOLY SHIT. Today has been a DAY.

The beginning of today was so amazing, dad and I went to the Art Institute and saw some really great contemporary art and then we went and got deep dish pizza from my all time favorite place, that I haven't been to in four years. Then I get a text message from Mikey. Who was my very first love ever. Yeah, it was Junior year of high school, yes, I was young and naive, but it was real to me. It was long distance, we we're crazy about each other, he cheated on me multiple times and we we're just so young. We never really got closure. But he texted me today, for the first time in two and a half years. It's weird because I kind of want to see him and catch up, I want him to see how I've grown and changed and become better, but I don't trust my feelings. Love doesn't just go away, it retreats to some weird depths in your body and one little thing can trigger it all. Then since it's the fourth of July and everyone's drunk, naturally Ian texted me all drunk and angry. God. I don't know how to deal with stuff right now. I don;t know if I should tell B about it either. After seeing my best friend and her bf get into a HUGE fight about keeping stuff from each other, I feel like I should tell him now. I just am all maxed out on feelings right now. YUCK.

[hazy-afternoon]

I've been praying every night to see you in my dreams. It's so hard to sleep without you these days.

[hazy-afternoon]

Rainstorms make me feel creative.

[hazy-afternoon]

B is on a cruise with his family and we won’t be able to communicate for a week. It’s a good thing I’m still on a high from visiting him for 10 days, otherwise I don’t think I’d be able to stay sane. Long distance is hard enough, geez.

[hazy-afternoon]

Today was literally one of the best days of my life.

I'll write in detail tomorrow, I'm too tired to say anything more at this moment.

[hazy-afternoon]

GUYS. I'm going on an airplane in 20 minutes!!!!

[hazy-afternoon]

I had strange dreams last night. The first one is that I was petting this really nice dog and then all of a sudden it turned vicious and bit me. The second one is that I was chain smoking, which is weird because in waking life I don’t smoke, I’ve only smoked one cigarette in my entire life and it was because I was drunk and didn’t fully process that I was smoking. The third dream was that I was back in Penn and B and I were going to Prom again and everyone was there except B, and I was frantically looking for him, but he wasn’t there and I felt so scared and lost in this sea of people.

[hazy-afternoon]

So I had to show my new boss my social security card and passport today cause I just got the job. She noticed that my passport was expired and says to me "You should get that renewed, as a creative woman you never know when you're going to need it." And then winks at me. *Sidenote: she is in her 50's, is still super gorgeous, runs a fantastic flower shop, and is engaged to a very handsome man who has been in her life for forever. Needless to say, she is my new role model.