Can We All Get On The Same Page About These Unisex Uniforms?
Hello, Citizen-Wives and Comrade-Husbands of Last Hope Colony! I’d like to congratulate us all on getting the P.A. system up and running.
First order of business, tonight there will be no kale on the menu as it turned out to be sentient.
Second, let’s try to get on the same page about the new uniforms. Now, I realize amidst the dangers that we face on a daily basis that my next point of business may not be high on everyone’s priorities, but it’s really been stuck in my craw for a while. I think for group unity and a sense of civic pride, we really need to adopt a unisex uniform that, for the good of all, we can all feel good about. The Bugmen have been more aggressive lately and I believe that this show of unity would go a long way to make them feel less bold during their raids.
Plus think of how cool it would be! Like all those all sci-fi shows and movies where in the future everyone dressed the same and lived in perfect, happy societies. And that is what we are! A perfect, happy society. We should accept that it and let the world (such as it is) know. I realize the younger members of our colony don’t remember films and television, but imagine one of the talent shows that we put up in the square, but with well-fed and beautiful people portraying a hopeful and meaningful future.
Now, I’ve heard some criticism of the designs I proposed. Mostly women concerned about losing their femininity and sexual appeal. Where was this attitude when I proposed the gene pool-enhancing orgies? Nobody seemed as sexually voracious when I floated that proposal, but whatever.
And of course, I’ve heard plenty of complaints about the few, sparse modifications I proposed for my uniform. They are really barely worth mentioning, but it seems to have upset some of you. But as Supreme Commander of New Hope, I feel like a little bit of gold piping and two-foot tall ribbed collar are not particularly ostentatious. And the armor plating is just practical. And I would don my uniform with the utmost pride of the awesome responsibility I have taken on as leader of this colony.
I will consider alternative design proposals for the next four days. At the end of the four days, there will be a colony-wide vote and then I will choose a winning design. The uniforms must be completed in seven days in time for Terrence Appreciation Day. I expect to be in full uniform for the parade when I’m carried down the street in the Colony Command Throne. And then I will proudly raise my scepter towards the heavens where the sun once shone and declare for all to hear “I AM TERRENCE! FEAR HOW MUCH YOU LOVE ME!” Then you may each kiss my ring finger in turn.
So...that should be a fun day.
Finally, we will be having a service for Tucker at 1400 hours. Jenny, I am so sorry for your loss.
For the Good of All, this has been Terrence: Supreme Commander and Leader of The New Society Trust at Last Hope Colony (and Sovereign Master of our new friends, the Kale-iens). Everyone have a wonderful and safe day. Signing off.