Day 2 of asking for letters (of 3)
This is so stressful. I met with my chairman about an hour ago. I was fine during the meeting. But, when we shook hands when I left his office, he asked if my palms were sweaty because I was nervous. Obviously. But I managed to squeak out something about his office being warm while sounding utterly ridiculous. I really like and admire him, and I know he likes me, but he has this way of sounding...disapproving, even when he doesn't necessarily mean to. Case in point: "I'm glad you found something you want to do. But I do wonder if you'll get frustrated in [what I'm doing next]. I mean, there are new drugs and things." (Basically, "there's nothing as definitive as surgery. Why wouldn't you want to do surgery?") I was honest and told him I'd considered coming back, that I'd even had panicky dreams where I told him I had made a mistake. Ugh. But he's also the kind of person you want to please, so part of me came out of there feeling conflicted all over again! Not helpful.