#mythicalbelle

[mythicalbelle]

@anguismalificus and I

[negligentchaos]

Sins of Trust

I have been, and will continue to be? One who is most loyal to his beliefs. It maybe what leads to my inevitable death, but a martyr I shall be for the voices of those who do not believe that there is a place for Mudbloods and their kind in the Wizarding world. Magic is a beautiful thing and it flows through us like the very blood that gives us life. It is why they do not belong, they're tainted with the world and its miseries in a way that is hard to comprehend. My time spent both at the side of the Dark Lord and then under the influence of the Polyjuice potion that gave me the ability to become Alastor Moody showed me clearly that they're polluting our world with their tech-no-logies or however it is pronounced. I do not need to learn it as it serves no purpose in my mind. They use something known as ‘eckeltricity’ to create monstrous things that clearly are unnecessary and make them truly lazy and obtuse. Their ideologies are tedious at best and childish at their worst. Therefore, to bring such base and debased beings into our world cannot be allowed. My Father, although loyal to the laws of the Ministry and Wizengamot was as all pure blooded patriarchs are, most loyal to his son and heir as was my late Mother who lost her mind within the cold walls of Azkaban so that I may regain my freedom of sorts. That freedom had enabled me to return back to the Dark Lord and instill fear into hundreds of witches and wizards who had been foolish enough to believe that the lives they had been living was appropriate. I had managed to convince all that I was held within the cold walls of Azkaban only to receive the Dementor's’ Kiss thanks to that naive and somewhat idiotic Cornelius Fudge - but that once again? Hadn’t been me, it had been one of the Dark Lord’s absentee followers who had abandoned the cause and I had fled. Of course, the knowledge of what I had succeeded in doing not once? But twice failed to reach the Daily Prophet and other newspapers because it showed that the Ministry was as incompetent as they had always been. Perhaps, they should have insisted that Albus Dumbledore become the Minister of Magic prior to his death at the hands of the betrayer, Severus Snape. Slimy bastard should have been tortured for what he did but I wasn’t able to be alongside my Master at the Battle of Hogwarts much to my sorrow. How I would have enjoyed ripping out the hearts of the Mudbloods and foul creatures who had been born of magic and Muggle. But necessity called for me to escape the country and I had succeeded in doing so until the time was right - I refuse to disclose my temporary location when escaping from the Ministry and their infuriatingly determined Aurors as it would taint my being but I shall only say this? I was all too happy to return to the home I had felt safe and content in at various times of my life - especially as no one was aware of anyone inhabiting the somewhat large and antiquated residence that had been home to mystery and death for decades and left those in the village afraid of the ghosts who lingered. I devoured books on various practises of magic, investing time into how I could remove the level of insanity that I knew lingered below the surface of my mind believing that it had been the time spent within Azkaban after my Father’s betrayal that had triggered the fragility of my mind. Add to it; the decade of the enforced Imperious Curse upon my being and it was no wonder that I showed every sign of a madman... It was no wonder, that I looked to anyone who stood back and said that those not born to pure magic were to be the ones to save us. However. As much as I looked to Lord Voldemort to restore the Wizarding World to one to be proud of, I wondered if it was partially a fuck you to the Muggle Father whom he had murdered and then whose bones had brought him back. Voldemort used his Muggle heritage as and when it suited him to bring about what he desired and that abuse of family is one that is looked down upon within the witches and wizards of pure heritage. … Which was why I stood with the Lestrange brothers who weren’t blind to what the Dark Lord was. Unlike Bellatrix who I swore wanted to kneel at his feet and ask the heretic how he wanted her to jump or whether his boots should be licked. She was one to say emotions clouded judgement when living solely by the emotion of infatuation from one who saw her and the rest of us as tools in his games against Dumbledore. I do not have loyalties that can be swayed. Nor do I have revenge guiding me because such things will only lead to the misfortune to fall all who are left vacant in the cells below ground and against the crashing waves against Azkaban’s grey tower. What I do possess is a clarity of thought and process, and I am mildly amused as I relax by the open fire on this cold night; that no one is aware of my existence. The greatest minds in the Wizarding world of England and Europe as a whole are going about their daily business believing that chaos and darkness is gone - it has not I assure you for it lingers in the hearts of those who blame others for their untold miseries. …. and I have always enjoyed playing with marionettes… especially those with the bright smiles and innocent eyes. Chuckling softly, my fingers slip over the soft edges of worn diaries taking in information and the details of charms and hexes that will ensure I am safe when I return from the shadows reborn with a face that none shall fully recall… A variant of the disillusionment charm will ensure none recall me if they encounter no matter how long they are in my presence. It’s too easy… but I do like the simplicity of survival… The flutter of wings distracts me from a page of the diary I am currently researching information from, the wizard I had procured it from being one to use fifty words in place of ten; and I see an owl whose body is drenched setting within the alcove of the broken window. I recognise it of course; I’m not likely to have unwanted mail arrive in this bleak location but I am reticent to approach incase the bird has been tampered with by anyone who is curious as to what an owl would be bringing to an area not known for magical beings.. The bird calls for me as it has been trained to do so by myself and the sender of my mail. And with a nod, he kicks off the scrolled paper so that I may see the untampered with seal of the long died out Gaunt family. A family I can assure you were ones that should have been burnt by those who see Muggles who learnt of how nature could heal a soul and the body of a broken creature.. solely for the betrayal of a heart to a pitifully stupid Muggleborn. All things are to ensure that none know the truth, none but one and even he often finds himself stripped of memory. “You never fail me do you Little Stag, now what do we have here…” There was lists of information, and an amusing recollection of how that foolish chit had broken not one pureblood, but two.. Hmmm perhaps I should interfere in that little menage? Laughing softly, I returned to my book after sending my reply instructing that all should continue as it should - and I would tear them all apart, and I’d ensure they all received the kiss I was sentenced to endure… It was such a shame, that there wouldn’t be a hero in our world anymore when I was finished with them - nor would there be any chance of their being a continuation of that bastardised family when I was done with each and every of my little pawns.

[mythicalbelle]

Sins of Trust

Curled up in one of the large chairs set out by the library fireplace; I found myself lost to the first edition of Hogwarts: A History I had discovered on one of the shelves. I was in awe of the first hand recollections about the founders of the school I had grown to see as a second home, the two witches and their male counterparts had left hundreds of letters and I discovered much to my delight that the first edition had published extracts of their letters discussing their individual wishes for what they wanted Hogwarts to be. The two wizards, Godric and Salazar were like oil and water but I couldn't help but notice that they worked well together which made me wonder? Had the two houses had such different views that they would end up coming together centuries later because each side when brought together completed the other. Page after page was read before I rose to make some Oolong tea in the beautiful kitchen; and once more doing the simple task had me thinking of Draco and the Manor. I missed how excited the House Elves who worked in the had been to care for me; down to the way they would make paper flowers for my biscuits to rest on when serving afternoon tea… I had come to think as the manor house in Wiltshire as my home and as the saying goes? Home is where the heart is - and.. Draco held my heart, something I had discovered all too late as he had once more fallen into the arms of Astoria Greengrass. Yet; there my heart will remain because once given; then such a gift cannot be returned for it’s no longer anything I can possess. Sipping my tea, I looked out of the windows and the Muggles going about their day unaware of the turmoil England’s green and pleasant land had nearly been destroyed by Voldemort and his followers. They saw the magic in the story books I loved as children that had to me seemed so colourful, so wonderful talking of the Faraway Tree, Narnia or even the Beauty and her Beast. Those authors who had brought worlds to life now had me wondering; had they known the truth of our world? Perhaps they were squibs, or were witches and wizards themselves - if I hadn't fled, I could imagine Draco would have conversed with me and educated me further on those of our world who hid amongst Muggles weaving fiction from truths. Perhaps, after some rest with the aid of some Dreamless Sleep to darken the nightmares and memories; I could send a letter to Harry at Grimmauld Place. I was sure my best friend would see if there were anything about such tales in the books Sirius and Regulus Black had kept there. Given their combined thirst for knowledge even if Regulus had been loyal to Voldemort? I had every confidence there would be something.. Or perhaps there would be books at Hogwarts itself.. When it came to knowledge, I was as I had always been: insatiable. If I lost myself in my search for answers then maybe I wouldn't have a free moment to think about what could have been. What… what could have happened if we had followed our hearts rather than the demands of what was right and proper for both myself and Draco. Except. I couldn't go to them; I'd turn my back on magic.. hadn't I. My tea cup sat forgotten on the antiquated pine kitchen table, my drink’s umber shine becoming a pool for reflections, the time wasted boiling the kettle on the stove infuriating me more than it should have. I wasn't accustomed to being alone anymore. First with Harry and Ron at my side, then Draco and at times Blaize Zabini when he returned from Italy..then living with Ron until.. “Until the truth came out and Draco Malfoy got to be the Prince Charming in the fairy tale…” My thirst dried up, my stomach seeming to do a somersault leaving me sick to my stomach had me fall into the farm style chair at the head off the table whilst I willed my body to not rebel against me. It wasn't to be as the nauseousness intensified and I sobbed my heart out with only the spartan walls to bear witness to my heartbroken cries and pitiful utterances for Draco to take me home to Wiltshire and its library and house elves who had cared for me like I was a child at times. Just like my Mother would so long ago. There it was. The first foolish thing I had done that had led to me being alone with my thoughts. Obliviating my parents to such an extent that it was seen to be impossible to restore the memories of Wendell and Monica Wilkins without their being a risk as large as one of Charlie's dragons that they'd end up in the same ward as Neville's parents. As much as I loved and missed them; I couldn't be selfish for a second time and try to make them remember they were my parents. But. What I would do for them to be here and give me the largest cuddle I had ever known was currently quite extensive and not necessarily legal in Wizarding law in several countries around the world. I would know; I researched the laws of Great Britain, the United States, Australia and Central Europe before Horcrux hunting during my Sixth year at Hogwarts. Be prepared for all eventualities etcetera etcetera. Laughing sadly (of which I can confirm is a real thing) I looked at my reflection with a high level of scorn and contempt for myself. I sure as Hell isn't a place for Hippogriffs be prepared to find myself alone with an ex-fiancé seeming to have turned to the dark, and a former Death-Eater reclaiming his place as the love of my life. I had to get myself up and out of this chair and make my way through this beautiful house I can now call my own. I had to return to the library and look at the first edition of Beauty and the Beast that had some plates printed within its pages that you could easily be tricked into believing they were alive! I lost myself to the words of the book, loving how the bookworm blossoms under the love and care of first her Father and then those wonderful souls within the Prince’s home. I had read this story so many times, both in English and it’s original language; French and become utterly captivated by this fairy tale that; from my first days at Hogwarts started to feel just a little more believable. After all, how many times did I see the suits of armour and other pieces of history within the castle move by themselves? I wanted to ask Draco about it, to see the look of utter joy he too finds in books that had initially drawn us together when we had shared letters over the Summer months what seemed a lifetime ago. For a moment, I wondered if I should tell him where I was, what I was doing and how...how much it hurt to lose him from my life again. Again. Five letters. One world. A lifetime of pain to experience from the loss of Draco when I was still afraid for my safety from Ron, and whoever these Knights of Walpurgis were. I cradled the book to me as I read over the same lines repeatedly where Belle is experiencing the change in the Beast over the winter - not necessarily a favourite of everyone I imagine but I found myself captivated. The Beast lets down his barriers, allowing Belle to see his playful side and it for a moment took me back to when Harry, Ron and I had come across Draco with Crabbe and Goyle and scared them all with Harry throwing snowballs from beneath his Invisibility cloak. I couldn’t stop laughing as I remembered the look on their faces, it had been the first time I saw Draco Malfoy in a new light and from then on; I had found myself looking out for the Slytherin Prince. “Merlin, I think I loved him before I even truly understood what was happening. He’s been a part of my life since I was that infuriating first year who cared so much for books and not so much the world around me. Oh… Draco, I wish you were here.” I hadn’t noticed till then that the old pages of the book by Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve that I’d noticed to be only a year after its first publication were now now covered with wet marks..where my tears had fallen and landed on the book that in so many ways reminded me of how I had changed since coming aware of the Magical world that now felt like my true home. Tears weren’t going to ease my sorrow, and clearly the book wasn’t aiding me in my distraction of what had happened. I didn’t know what to do anymore; and called out for Melly, unsure if the House Elf who was so loyal to Draco would hear me; or be permitted to come to me. If she did, I would break only one of the promises I’d made to myself. I would tell Draco where I was but wouldn’t permit him to enter the home.. Though there was a sensation I couldn’t shake off that there was more to this mysterious house that had become my home and it focused solely on Draco and I - that much I knew. “To coin a saying from Alice.. Stranger and stranger…” I murmured softly and drew myself in from the cold of the room as I felt a wave of nausea that was so strong hit me and I slid into an unsettled sleep.

[mythicalbelle]

Sins of Trust

I didn’t know where to go, or what to do but I had to keep myself focused on the fact I had to survive and remain away from Wizarding London and the community as a whole. I had thought that I would never have to leave the world I loved behind; I had survived the final year at Hogwarts when my friends had turned on me because of my loyalty to Draco. Circe! I had believed for most of that final year that I would be betrothed to Draco after we found the inner strength to admit our true feelings to one another - but circumstances had changed that and I’d watched the man I gave my innocence too; walk away. Losing him to Astoria had broken me - Lucius and Narcissa still managing to dictate their son’s future even if one were in Azkaban and the other nearly insane from the horrors she had endured with Voldemort in her home. It had been that pain that had in turn return to the safe and familiar of Ron. I could never have believed that someone I had called my best friend and lover for so long could turn on me in such a violent and horrific manner. Sighing softly, I wove my way through the busy London commuters and tourists hunting for whatever attraction had caught their attention. My sudden removal from the safety and familiarity I had grown accustomed too and into the Muggle world had left me in a quandary. I had no money. Nor did I anywhere to live having sold off the family home after it had become clear that my parents were better in Australia thanks to my inability to reverse the Obliviation I had performed upon them. The money the house had got.. had been placed in their bank in Australia - although they had believed it was there from when they had immigrated to warmer climates after accepting they wouldn't have children and needed an escape. I may have messed up; but with the assistance of Kingsley Shacklebolt had rectified what I could to give my parents some happiness whilst I grieved for them.. Thankfully? I kept my bank card in my purse alongside the more familiar pieces of my magical life. Perhaps I would at least not be sleeping in the streets tonight - if I could only get to the large Barclays Bank situated on The Strand. It had been the first stop my parents and I would make before heading to Diagon Alley during the latter part of the Summer holidays and now, as I headed in the right direction (now with an actual plan in my head making life easier) I smiled sadly at the rush of memories of happier times. I may have forced myself to step away from the Wizarding World; but it would be hard to force my mind not to remember the happiness I had felt at belonging there. Shaking my head to clear my melancholy thoughts; I forced my head higher and shoulders back - time to be strong Hermione; time to accept that the only person I could rely on? Was myself. … “and Draco.” Whispered the voice in my head; but it was wrong - yes; there was no doubt in my mind that the boy I had grown to love in my final year at Hogwarts had remained in the man who had saved me? But Draco Malfoy wasn't mine and I shouldn't have been weak and slept with him; I certainly shouldn't have gone to tell him I loved him (even if it was true) because he wasn't mine. He may have turned his back on the ideals his Father and Grandfather had instilled in him; but he was still extremely proud of being a son of one of the oldest families in certainly Wizarding England and Europe given his French heritage. Leaving him to Astoria Greengrass was the right thing and he would forget me soon enough. - Although I wouldn't ever forget how he made me feel. Nor how much I loved him. “Bloody Hell! That's an owl - an actual owl!!” That particular exclamation of surprise amongst the many that suddenly broke out stood out and had me turn around and look to the skies. Flying in through the bank doors was a beautiful owl - a familiar bird from dinner with Neville and Hannah. Cursing quietly; I prayed my face didn't display anything but surprise as I left the sunshine behind and entered the bank. Only for the Longbottom’s owl to land on the one of the Perspex signs to my left; leg cast out towards me, I admittedly panicked and backed away. “Go away… Go back to where you came from please!” I hissed at the bird as it stared at me with a blaze of fury in its beady eyes. I knew it wouldn't go until I took the parcel from its leg but if I did? Whomever had sent it to me would believe I wasn't serious about my departure from their world. “Excuse me Miss? My name is Cecilia Spencer; would you.. I mean would you like to come this way with me please?” Confused, I look from the owl to a smartly dressed lady in her forties who confidently encourages the owl onto her suit clad arm. I'm clearly hallucinating due to stress.. it's the only explanation for a Muggle bank official to be calmly handling the now happy owl who’s enjoying treats. Following the two of them down a small corridor; I’m led into a large office and realise that I’m with the Bank Manager who smiles at me quietly before ushering me to sit. “I understand you're confusion Miss?” “Granger. Hermione Granger” “Ah yes. That explains the owl coming to you - let me explain once you have helped this little fellow out and take its burden from it. Would you like a drink - tea, coffee; or something cold perhaps Miss Granger?” Shaking my head; I moved to remove the parcel from the owl and ran my fingers across its silken head before thanking it for not being angry with me. A swift nod was clearly witnessed by the Manager and myself before the owl flew out into the blue skies. I recognised the cursive style of my name upon the paper and felt a flutter in my chest at the thought of what Draco had written to me. Tracing my fingers across the paper I pondered leaving it unopened and return it somehow to Malfoy Manor so that we could both move on with our lives. He didn't owe me anything - I had been the foolish one to see the beautiful Wiltshire Manor House as my home. Biting my lip, my eyes caught sight of the Bank Manager as she seemed to be sorting through correspondence … with the Gringotts insignia on the left of each and every envelope. Why on Earth did a Muggle bank know anything about the largest bank in the Wizarding World? Had something been set in motion to prevent me from leaving it truly behind? “Miss Granger, I believe from your look? You wish to know just how I know both what you are and how I have items from your world in my possession. I believe we shall need some tea as the story is quite long and you my dear? Look cold and are clearly in shock so I insist we have a warm drink and you should open the letter before you wear out the paper it's written upon.” It was like having my Mother here with me; encouraging me to not give up and shy away from answers to my questions. Silently nodding; I opened the parcel and caught sight of my wand - seen last lying on the corridor floor of The Leaky when I had decided enough was enough.. Why had Draco sent it to me? I would have thought he would have been relieved to see me go so that he wouldn't be targeted as I had been in school years before for being my friend. Closing my eyes as I tried to stop my tears falling as I longed to thank him face to face for his kindness - he truly was the only man I had loved as deeply and completely as I realised I did now. I had to open the letter; and as I looked at the elegant words I couldn't make out the words for my tears. No matter what I did; Draco Malfoy was a part of me.. Wiping my eyes, I blinked and read the heartfelt letter and felt my heartbreak.. Dear Hermione, I know you must think I am a monster. Perhaps you are right. But whatever I am, I am yours. I always have been. I need you to know that. I am still the boy who loved you all those years before, even if you can’t see it. I always will. Did you ever know my patronus is an otter? Because you are every happy memory I have ever had. Until that last year you and I were together, I didn’t have enough happy memories to conjure one. You gave that to me. You are my shield against the darkness that has haunted me all my life. And that will never change. I won’t ask you to come back to me, though I have never wanted anything so much in my whole life. I’m simply sending you your wand so you have the choice to do so. The decision is yours alone. I will always open my door to you. There never has been and never will be anyone who means more to me than you do. Yours. Always. ~D He.. he… The sobs became harder, the room feeling like it were shrinking and I couldn't escape. Breathless; I held the paper to me and let every ounce of pain, anguish and anger I felt over what had been happening to me as of late. I had made a terrible mistake - Draco loved me; it was there in every word and yet; he didn't come for me, nor did he demand I return. He knew me well enough to know that I would need to do what I wanted for me - not for him or anyone else. “Miss Granger, please take a tissue and know that I am deeply sorry to see someone I have heard so much about in such distress. I hope I can alleviate your sorrow and explain things to you. In the last two decade, this particular branch has been on a small amount of banks working alongside and on behalf of Gringotts. As you are no doubt aware; there has been an increase in non-magical families having children attending Hogwarts and of course; somewhere was needed to work with our esteemed colleagues on Diagon Alley. We were approached as our branch is the largest and nearest one to the entrance to the Wizarding area of our capital. I believe that your parents were informed when you yourself required money to purchase school equipment etcetera?” I nodded dumbly, still too shaken to trust myself to speak coherently to the lady. “My brother attended Hogwarts in the late sixties so I was aware of Gringotts and the whole hidden world that us.. Muggles is it? Know nothing about. Perhaps that too was a reason that this particular branch was also chosen in preference to another? I’m unsure.. Now, in regards to yourself - your parents left a letter to be given to you on your seventeenth birthday if they themselves didn't collect the envelope prior to the 19th of September. As we were unable to locate you Miss Granger, it remained in our vault until I saw you enter and I recognised you straight away - I have been had a copy of The Daily Prophet delivered since the first month my brother attended your former school. It's a fascinating world and I would read it from cover to cover and your face is often on the front page of the paper - I am sorry recent incidents of articles being written are due to unfortunately sad situations. I shall leave you whilst you read over the letter and when you are ready; assist you in any way I can.” “Thank you Miss Spencer - for everything.” I read the letter, penned in both my Mum and Dad’s hands and the tears fell once again. They had made provisions for me if the horrors of Voldemort’s hatred towards Muggleborns and their families became too much and something occurred to have them leave me. They had realised even before I did that I would do whatever it took to keep them safe… Swallowing heavily, I continued and felt shock overwhelm me as I discovered just what they had done.. And who had aided them. ‘Our Darling Daughter. Firstly, if things have gone the way we think they will unfortunately go - forgive yourself. You are everything we could have ever wanted in a daughter and forgive you everything. Now let us explain so that you can lift a weight off those shoulders of yours. Albus Dumbledore came to us the week before your fifteenth birthday and explained that he had foreseen how you, our wonderfully courageous daughter would not let Harry go alone in his battle to protect both Muggles (such a funny word Darling) and magical beings from the darkness this monster had in his heart. We wanted to protect you, to take you from Hogwarts but we knew you wouldn't listen to us. Your heart is there with your friends and loved ones and we wouldn't be the people who raised you if we made you run and hide. So instead; your Headmaster helped us set up a safety net for you incase you were ever taken from us. We hope it doesn't happen little Queen but if it does? Know that we have always been proud of you and love you with everything we have.. You have a Safe Deposit Box here that can be accessed from the eve of your seventeenth birthday Hermione and in it will be account details of a savings account we have had for you since birth - there is also a key and sealed envelope of an address. The house is yours; it's been in the Granger family for a long time and we knew you would love it. We purchased it for you and hope it's a place of happiness and joy for you. To reassure you; the house has been warded by your Headmaster and I believe one Narcissa Malfoy; we believe she's the Mother of that boy you told us about every holiday. Did you give him the chance to prove himself wrong? We hope so dearest Hermione as everyone can change if given a chance and his Mother told us he admires you greatly. Remember what they say? Opposites attract and truly, Ronald is a nice young man but he will never keep up with our little genius. We love you darling girl. Always will. Mum and Dad xxxx’ The letter fell to the ground as I reached for the open box Miss Spencer had left for me to look through and picked up the two envelopes and key. Rolling it over in my hand, I opened the envelope stated as holding the account details and froze - my mouth going dry as I saw the amount of money they had left me.. I had enough to not worry for some time - all gifted to me from parents who had forgiven me for the sin I would later commit of destroying the family they had longed for. I didn't deserve them. Trembling fingers opened the second letter and read the address - they had gifted me a house in Chelsea. As a little girl we had visited relatives there and I had wanted to stay in their Princess home.. Sweet Merlin! I had a home, and money.. I had a chance to escape and just be me. Hermione Granger - Muggle. I couldn't.. wouldn't.. reach out to anyone. Even if it hurt to imagine never seeing Harry, Ginny or Draco and my other friends again. All my dreams and hopes of working in the Ministry of Magic had to end.. I would have to begin all over again in the world I had begun my life in. "Miss Granger? Would you mind signing these papers for me and I can release funds to you.” I hadn't heard the Bank Manager enter, my mind lost to what I had just learnt. Rising from the seat, I signed the papers and went through the motions like a zombie and headed out into the main area of the bank so that I could go.. go home. Home.. Without my kitten, or Draco there to talk to.. Sighing softly, I held onto my wand - the familiar action calming me as I made the first steps to move on. I could only hope.. people would forgive me.

[mythicalbelle]

Sins of Trust

It was as if time stood still and I was breathless with fear for what was going to happen with the three wizards who were standing in the small corridor. Nothing mattered to me more than discovering just what was happening to the man I had once thought as a best friend and partner in Ron. I couldn't blame Draco for what he said - and the vehemence behind each word that he threw towards Ron - after all; he had witnessed the violence that I had suffered from at the hands of my more fiancé. Trembling behind the blonde wizard, I reacted on instinct and slid my arms around his waist allowing me to burrow into his side keeping my petite body from any harm or deflected hexes that I feared could soon be sent. “Draco? Please… I’m scared.” I don't think I had ever said those words with such sincerity as I did now Minister Snood was holding onto Ron so tightly that I wondered whether he was going to cause the younger wizard to pass out - though why I was worrying about him still? Was beyond me. I knew what my younger self would stay however, was that I never gave up on people and that made me want to cry. I had lost someone in Ron, and with it? A part of myself had been lost too. I wanted to run away and escape from the Leaky and go.. home. Then I was more afraid and stumbled back from Draco and tried to decide just what I should do. I had planned on disappearing into the Muggle world and perhaps go to college so that I could survive out there.. Everything I was seeing here, with Ron being held back by a man who had been my boss until I hadn't been either healthy or strong enough to step foot into the Ministry or Draco having to protect me from harm? Told me that it was me and no one else who was causing such disruption to those around me. It was as if everything I touched, turned to ash. “Would someone explain to me why my clientele are complaining about the noise coming from here and just why guests are unable to leave their rooms! Ronald Weasley you have already been barred from here till you pay my husband what you owe him and clear your tab!” Hannah Longbottom looked like she was going to kill everyone who stood in the chaos I had unwittingly opened my door too. The look on her face was one that would instill fear in anyone who crossed her; but no one looked at her bar myself. Red with shame and trepidation, I side-stepped Draco and approached the landlady of the Leaky Cauldron holding my wand out to her so that she saw I wasn't likely to harm her.. Given the circumstances she had walked into, I could understand her reticence from any one of the four of us. “Hermione. Neville’s told me what's going on and I am extremely sorry you felt you had to hide from us, please.. go to my room and rest - these gentlemen will be leaving my premises quietly and then? We'll go and have dinner.” I nodded dumbly, moving quietly down the hallway leaving the one wizard I had fallen in love with, and the one who had left me with a shattered heart behind. Glancing back over my shoulder; I caught the beautiful grey eyes of Draco and smiled.. A smile that would fade away at the sight of the Longbottoms’ owl flying in serenely only to drop a scroll into his hands and one to Ron. The letters! Oh Sweet Merlin, this couldn't be happening - with the chaos of Ron’s drunken arrival, I had completely forgotten what my instructions were to the little thing and now? Hell itself had no doubt landed and I had to escape. “I can't stay here… Thank you Hannah; I’ll send someone to get my belongings.” My wand dropped to the floor as I apparated out of the building concentrating on the alley behind the Covent Garden ballet studio. Landing in the quiet space, I dragged air into my lungs hating the nausea that came from the sudden transplant of my body from one location to another but I had no time to think of how close I came to being splinched due to my overly wrought emotions. In a tourist location such as Covent Garden I could blend in and disappear, and then what? Well.. I would work something out but for now; I was away from the misery that was being around Ron whose change in personality had me believing I had never known him. Or to be in a world where I would have to witness Draco moving on with his life with Astoria bloody Greengrass. Closing my eyes as I walked through the stalls located in the covered hall, I tried to force the memory of Draco and Astoria together so that I could control the rush of tears as the pain in my chest became too heavy to bear. Fingers traced over the flowers from the market as the floral scent seemed to circle me and I was back in the gardens of Malfoy Manor during the sunny days with Draco at my side telling me the history of the beds and how the Ladies of the Malfoy legacy had all dedicated an area of the grounds to their family and how his own Mother had worked on the elegant walled garden I had loved above all others - a garden that had a new bed thanks to a few quiet days and secrets sworn with the family House Elves. I had wanted to surprise Draco with it as I had chosen flowers that were a ray of rainbows to remind him that even a place filled with dark ghosts could find colour once more.. Well, hopefully Astoria would find it and tend to the flowers so life returned to the quiet square filled so much magic it had seemed to come alive and caress my skin on the day of the full moon.. “I need to let them all go. It's time to embrace the Mug..the other side of my life without any of them with me to lift me up; or pull me down.” “You alright sweetheart? Looking a bit lost there love, guessing you’ve never been to London before?” A burly man stood before me, his breath strong of liquor and his body all too close to me. Left to right; my eyes scanned the crowded hall trying to work out how I could get away from the stranger who seemed keen enough to push me into the window of the Doll House store’s glass window. I didn't know what to do or how to get free from him and tried my level best to get free from him. Merlin! Why had I cast aside my wand in the Leaky Cauldron - a simple Stinging Jinx similar to the one I had cast at Harry to disguise him was in order.. but I had nothing and I knew better than to try and perform magic before Muggles. Besides. I was a Muggle now wasn't I? Thrusting my knee into his crotch, I pushed him off me and ran towards the carousel at the rear of the building and prayed I would find a hotel that I could afford till I found my way to the Muggle bank I had paid money into from Gringotts over the last five years. Then? I would have to try and start a new life - without Harry, Ginny… Ron or Draco.. I couldn't stop the tears that fell heavily now as I imagined what my disappearance would have done to them all.. I was doing the right thing I told myself; but why did it have to hurt so much?

[pestilentginger]

#SinsOfTrust

Drip. Drip. Water falling somewhere on stones. I could hear it like a persistent rhythm. Drip. Drip. The only noise to break the silence.

It was driving me mad, that noise. Forcing me to stay anchored in the real world where pain and misery lived. I didn’t want to be there.

I’d had such a nice dream. That dripping had roused me out of it, and now I couldn’t call it back. It had been warm there and light. I had been floating, I think. Or maybe flying. Free and light and happy.

Not here. Not in this place.

Here it was dark and cold and someone was making a low moan. I wanted to tell whoever it was to bugger off so I could sleep again.

It took several minutes to realize that the person making that noise was me. Even longer still to realize the dripping wasn’t water at all but blood. Mine. I could taste it in my mouth as though I’d been sucking on copper pennies.

I tried to move. My body balked. A bright flash of pain lit the insides of my eyelids as though my entire skull was exploding, and then I couldn’t stop the screaming. I wanted to. God, I wanted to. The sound tore at my throat as though the sound were made of knives, slicing its way upward and cutting the air in two.

That’s when I realized I was tied down. Wrists. Ankles. Chest. Knees. Multiple parts of my body lashed to whatever I was lying on.

Everything hurt.

That sounds like an exaggeration. It is not.

I didn’t know that one person could experience and endure so much pain.

I remember how it felt to be splinched. The agony I went through was one I could never forget. This pain eclipsed and engulfed it entirely, and I quickly found I couldn’t remember how it felt to feel anything else. There was just this. Agony. As though every cell was tearing apart.

My name. My past. My years of study. All subsumed. There was only this. I was nothing, no one, and there had only ever been pain.

I wanted it to stop, but even verbalizing the words to ask for it was more than my mind could manage. I didn’t care if there was life afterward. Dead or unconscious, rescued or executed, they were all the same to me. I would have even settled for blissful nothingness. Drifting into the black behind my eyes. That would have been a mercy. Dead or unconscious, rescued or executed, they were all the same to me.

But in this place, there was no mercy.

Then a door somewhere opened. I heard it crash into a wall with a forceful explosion inward.

A voice spoke. I didn’t understand the words. They were words of power. I’d had those words once, but they were gone, gone, gone now. Had been torn out of me along with my banished sense of self.

And then...there was silence. Even the dripping stopped. I was too far gone to even say “thank you.”

With a silent sigh, I sagged, eyes closing, and again I fell into an internal abyss of the mind where no one could touch me anymore.

Gone. || #SinsOfTrust @AnguisMalificus @MythicalBelle @FacundMinister @NegligentChaos @TheLittleStag

[mythicalbelle]

Sins of Trust

Diagon Alley had been the introduction to the world of magic and all that it entailed. Every shop held a memory to me and I had kept a record of them all within the confines of leather- bound journals. Even upsetting memories such as those that involved a younger Draco and myself. Lucius Malfoy had manipulated Draco into being the arrogant brattish boy I had first known at Hogwarts and I was so happy to find out that the man Draco had become during our eighth year was one whom it was all too easy to love. Now, as I lay on the vast bed listening to the clientele of The Leaky Cauldron as they went about their evening; I wished I could go back to that last year of school and tell Draco the truth of how I had fallen in love with the man he was... I remembered lying in his arms as we hid away in his bed the morning of our final NEWT exam just as I lay now, and I'd been so close to uttering those words that would have set me.. us free. Of course, I now knew that I was merely a distraction for Draco - and Ron's taunting words came back to haunt me. He had warned me that I would be used and thrown aside, and the bastard had been right. Draco Malfoy had lulled me into a false sense of security in his home and perhaps I had been foolish in me feeling that the Malfoy estate was my home. I had stayed far longer than I should have done and gotten too comfortable in a place that had been warded to keep Muggle-borns like myself away. Cursing my foolish and vulnerable heart for allowing myself to feel something for Draco, I felt tears slip down my cheeks and soak into my pillows. I had something sad that I would write into my diary - a first for me in regards to Draco and I. Draco Malfoy had made me cry. Curling up under the covers clutching hold of my blankets I thought about both Ron and Draco. Both men had sworn to protect me, and then left me hurting. In Ron's case; both physically and emotionally to the degree I really should have been admitted into St Mungo's on several occasions. Draco had broken my heart once and for all. Astoria Greengrass was originally supposed to marry Draco, it had been front-page of the Prophet when we'd been in Hogwarts. He had succeeded in challenging the betrothal in a private meeting with the Wizengamort and succeeded in having the agreement annulled and like a fool, I had thought then he would choose me to be become the newest Lady Malfoy. When we'd left school without becoming the couple I had naïvely hoped us to be and I'd begun to build a relationship with Ron. It had lacked the fire and passion Draco had experienced. I became trapped and felt that somehow, I deserved to assaults that Ron inflicted on me and the cruelty of his words were down to him grieving for his brother. Every excuse I could think of, I used to survive every day. Crying till I was nothing but a trembling wreck in a blanket fort, I barely heard the pop of the house elf as it apparated into my room, and was unaware as to who she was, although I could guess by the small dress she was wearing that she had come from Malfoy Manor. Surely the Draco I knew now wouldn't rub salt into my wounds and have a house elf follow me no doubt to return my meagre belonging to me. "I can see you elf. Tell me your name and then I must ask you a second question and I need you to be honest." The small creature froze and began fidgeting with the hem of her dress whilst avoiding looking at me. Clearly, she was torn between what I had asked of her and the orders she had received from Draco. Sighing softly, I pulled myself up to sit in the bed, fingers moving automatically to run through my curls and guide them away from my tear-streaked face. "Melly. Missy Hermy, my name is Melly and I tend the vegetable gardens that the late Lady Malfoy created. Master Draco was going to have me aide Missy Hermy in whatever she wishes in the walled gardens Master Draco took Missy Hermy on Hallows Eve." This Melly looked like she had witnessed such horrors as Nagini eating a victim whole. (Although there was a good chance she had given that the Dark Lord had punished Lucius by having the Manor be his main settlement for all those loyal to him...) Nodding softly, I pointedly ignored the sound of an argument taking place further down the hall between Hannah Longbottom and someone who sounded suspiciously like Ron. Whomever it was, sounded just like Ron when he had drunk too many Ogden's finest and become a vicious drunk. Ronald was at work selling jokes and tricks to a flurry of customers down the road at Weasley Wizarding Wheezes... Melly did as I did and looked towards the locked bedroom door and bit her lip thoughtfully. Without a shadow of doubt, the elf was frightened by the disturbance as well as breaking a vow between herself and her Master, because I was sure Draco wouldn't want me to know he was maintaining a watchful eye on me. Or, perhaps I was wrong and Draco was wishing to see where I was so that he could move on with a clear conscious with Astoria. That thought, had me shiver and a feeling of misery consume me.. I loved Draco Malfoy - I knew that now and I felt lost. Returning my attention to the the window, I kept my eyes off Melly so that whatever request she had to follow out could be done without her feeling fear of punishment from a man I knew to be kind to all now... "Melly. I shall return to my book and I won't say a word for I fear my acknowledgement of you has you fearing what Master Draco shall do. Please however, know that I am grateful for your kindness and those of your friends and family at the Manor. I shall miss you all." Those final five words were uttered through a new fit of tears as I wept for something that had never been and never would. I didn't belong really, not here in the hubbub of Diagon Alley, or the tranquillity of Wiltshire with Draco. The pop of Melly's departure had me think of the future, intertwined with the recollections of the visions I had experienced with Draco - none of it now seemed to make sense. I had seen myself with a babe in my arms... I had for the briefest moment thought it meant a family - a child born of love perhaps with Draco though that notion seemed insane now I thought of it. He'd no more permit a child of his to be born a half-blood than Ron suddenly turn his back on the Cannons. Maybe it had been something different indeed; like a new beginning away from magic. Muggle England wasn't completely alien to me and I could survive. No - I would survive after all, I had survived far worse at the hands of enemies and friends alike. Retrieving my favourite quill from my bag along with some parchment and began letters to Harry and Ginny, Ron and Draco. Each one short but to the point - that I would trouble them no more and wished them to let me go and live their lives to the full. The letter to my best friend and his wife was smudged only once where I told them both that they were my kin despite no blood between us. After all, it had been Harry who never strayed on the hardest of days when on the run unlike Ron whom had broken my heart and mind repeatedly with his temper tantrums. I moved from them to Draco. A man whose loyalty and morality had been questionable during the war; but I had kept up my vow to clear Draco’s name and I'd done so although the official notice from the Ministry wouldn't be sent to the Malfoy estate till the following morning; Kingsley had sent a note to me to give me the good news. so that I could leave with my conscience clear. My Mother had always told me that one should be honest with things that mattered to me and those I cared for. I ensured that the note from Shacklebolt was sealed so that it may be enclosed within my own of which I had confessed my heart when I went to my Maker, I would know that Draco would know that he had been loved truly by one who saw him as something more than his name or fortune. Not that it would matter much now, a marriage between Draco and Astoria would have many pure-blooded families believe there to be hope of the 'Lord's ways' returning. His letter was filled with smudges and I was half-tempted to begin again so that my sorrow be disguised from Draco.. As I reached for fresh parchment, I heard the sound of one man approaching whom I had thought not to encounter alone again... The fury in Ron’s voice was one I was accustomed too when he was drunk, something I feared him to be now and I froze with my fresh parchment discarded to the table in a mess as ink from the well spilt over the wood leaving parts of the important notes impossible to read. Nonetheless, I thrust the two letters to the young owl I had been loaned by Hannah and Neville. "Forgive me for not having treats or time to bind these well.. One to Harry Potter and the other, Draco Malfoy. Hurry please." The letters slid into the holsters on each leg and the owl was gone through the window as Ron’s voice echoed through the doorway and I wondered just what had brought him here when I had hoped to find Ginny instead. "WEASLEY! Get the Hell away from that door and leave Ms Granger alone!" Pulling the door open with a bang, I stared at the scene before me - Ron was restrained by an irate Minister. Snood... I should have felt relieved but the same chill I had felt in the moments before the three of us were captured and brought before Bellatrix. Something was wrong - I just had no idea what. Arcturus Snood wasn't one to frequent the Leaky, and yet? When I had fled to here, here I found him. The Minister who had clearly not believed Ron had been the source of my injuries weeks before was the one to come my rescue now. Yet, I felt truly afraid as Arcturus and mine eyes met, and longed for the sanctuary of Wiltshire..

[mythicalbelle]

04.49am on the second day of January 2017, @anguismalificus and I became parents to a baby boy.