“No but-- there is totally a huge bottle of tequila in the kitchen, pretty sure it’s like illegal or something like that.” Lana commented absently, automatically turning anything slightly intimate or cute into a more vulgar and desperate situation. It was how she avoided actual feelings and becoming emotionally attached to someone. But that was the facade because Lana cared a great deal for a lot of people, it was her weakness so the female wolf pretended like she didn’t care at all-- when really she cared too much.
Emotions never really were her strong suit, expressing them genuinely and experiencing them, it was always Marcus who helped her out of such things. It made no sense to Lana, how her face would heat up and she’d get this tightness in her chest which prevented her from speaking properly. Most times it was when someone she genuinely cared about expressed that they returned her feelings. That was when everything changed, her energy shifted and she was no longer so flirty and almost giddy like a school girl, as sh often was when she had a crush. Instead a coldness settled in and she became distant, riding herself of the emotional attachment well before it even had a chance to develop.
That was how most one night stands ended, with her slipping out the window or door half naked venturing back to the house in order to crawl into her own bed and simply lie there to ponder everything that she was. The four walls in Lana’s room were her worst enemy, they reminded her just how dangerous it was to become attached to someone, how troubling it was for a person like her. Those damn blank walls reminded her of when a different set of walls were stained red with the blood of her family after she had lost control of herself and murdered them, almost killing Marcus as well-- she was a monster and although Lana knew her pack loved her, the woman felt undeserving of that love.
“I mean it’s up to you, I’d be fine with downing an entire carton or two of ice cream and watching movies. But hey, y’know what the kids are saying now days--- Netflix and chill.” Lana recovered, smirking slightly and adding a small wink just for good measure as if to cover up whatever sadness might have been tinting her blue grey eyes. Often enough they were more grey than blue, hypnotic in their own manner where Marcus’ were dark and mysterious, Lana’s eyes were filled with sorrow and self hatred. “Or both, tequila and ice cream, I’m good with that one too.”
It was probably painfully obvious that Lana did these things to cover up her loneliness, it was such to her brother, the woman knew that. But perhaps this attractive man who she had found herself enjoying the company of would not notice, God she hoped he didn’t-- it was pathetic, lame, and stupid. The way she felt about herself and how it showed through her partying antics which were all made in an attempt to rid herself of those feelings, all feelings rather.
