#n3life

[itsthebeanie]

My computer has officially realized there is a problem with the fan. I feel the end is much closer than originally anticipated x.x

[itsthebeanie]

Hey all :) As some of you may know, and most of you probably don't, at the end of last year my then-fiancé-now-husband went through a very serious illness. During that time he did not have health coverage. Regardless, the doctors saved his life - literally. It was a very scary time, but I am glad to report he is now back in full health, though with a burden of medical bills. We know everyone has a story, everyone has a struggle. We try to put good out into the world and don't expect anything in return. Self sufficient...all that good stuff. However, we figured this one time, we are going to reach out for help. Please click the link, read Pat's words, and even if the most you can do to help is share this post that is still wonderful. We would both really appreciate it :) He spent almost a month in the hospital, and we are just reaching out to see if we can find help to make a dent in these bills. Thank you so much <3 Briana

[itsthebeanie]

*internal screaming*

JUST DO WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO WHAT THE HECK WE ARE IN AN UPPER LEVEL END-OF-YOUR-COLLEGE-CAREER CLASS WHY CAN'T YOU JUST DO WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO WE HAVE TECHNICALLY HAD 5 EXTRA DAYS TO WORK ON THIS NOW AND EVEN IF YOU CONSIDER IT ONLY TWO EXTRA DAYS THAT IS STILL TWO EXTRA FRICKEN DAYS AND I PRETTY MUCH GAVE YOU A FILL IN THE BLANK OF WHAT WE NEED TO DO SO THAT THIS WOULD GO SMOOTH AND WE COULD CONTRIBUTE WHAT WE NEED TO CONTRIBUTE AND ALL HAVE PRETTY MUCH EQUAL CONTRIBUTION BUT NO YOU GUYS HAVE TO NOT EVEN PAY ATTENTION TO ANY POSTS AND JUST DO YOUR OWN THING AND THEN TRY TO TAKE CREDIT FOR WHAT I DID? EFF THAT EFF THIS I AM SO TIRED OF GROUP WORK I AM SORRY IF YOU END UP READING THIS SINCE I LINKED MY WEBSITE IN MY INTRO BUT YOU KNOW IF IT DOESN'T APPLY TO YOU AND YA KNOW WHAT IF IT DOES YOU NEED TO HEAR IT AND IF ANY OF YOU DO THIS TO PEOPLE IN YOUR CLASSES YOU NEED TO HEAR IT TOO AND FEEL BAD BECAUSE HERE I AM STRESSING BECAUSE I NEED A GOOD GRADE AND I CAN'T DEAL WITH YOUR UNORGANIZED, NOT TEAM WORK SPIRIT PLEASE JUST DO YOUR SHIT AND LETS GET THIS DONE I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS FOR ANOTHER 6 WEEKS MY HEART WON'T TAKE IT I'LL HAVE A MENTAL BREAK DOWN I CAN'T AFFORD TO DO POORLY IN A CLASS AND HAVE TO TAKE ANOTHER SEMESTER TO GRADUATE BECAUSE YOU CAN'T PAY ATTENTION ARRRRRGH

[itsthebeanie]

*roars like Godzilla and swaggers back into the ocean*

[itsthebeanie]

Somehow Pat and his brother ended up in the same PHIL course this semester - bahaha

we didn't even know his brother was taking classes, let alone through UMUC

[itsthebeanie]

*phone rings and I ignore the call*

Pat: Who was that?

Me: SallieMae

Pat: (sounding very confused) Sarumon??

[itsthebeanie]

I forgot to get a lime at the store :( never has so much hung on the acquisition of a lime...what will my guacamole be without it *sobs* I might have to go face the heat again to get one. Everyone knows avocados go from ready to rotten in the blink of an eye!

[itsthebeanie]

Just a life update :)

This speaks very much to the "learn it for the assignment only" mentality so much of school in the US has become.

I'm also considering starting a paper journal again. I think it will help me with some of the head stuff I have going on, and keep me on track with things. It worked in highschool, don't know why it wouldn't now :) And I work that stuff out better on paper than I do on a computer.

I have all of next week off! I'm hoping to be very lazy for the first few days and then very productive for the rest :) It will be a nice time to clear my head before summer classes start on the 19th, and then my co-worker will be out most of the summer for a knee replacement surgery, so I'll be manning the office alone. We are moving to a different building in August, which is the earliest she'll probably be back, so I'll get to do most of the prep for that on my own too -.o

I also really want to start drawing every day. I need to make myself do it. It's so easy to be distracted by the internet. I want to disconnect myself from that a little bit more. Do more with my creativity. That makes me happy :) and I think will keep me motivated. And will give me something to see improvement in. I used to be so confident in my drawing, and I've let myself go so long without practice that it has become daunting. I don't want it to be daunting. I don't have to be the best to still make something I can enjoy.

I have some work stuff I want to get done today. I've just been very unmotivated here. I think I'm bored, mostly. Fortunately, I will have my degree in just over a year, and can then begin looking for better jobs. Unfortunately, that means it makes the most sense to just wait it out in this position until that time, because it doesn't make sense to start a new job now when I will be wanting something better in a year. Which then starts making me feel kind of trapped. Hopefully that will pass.

I do feel like I'm moving back into a more positive mindset. I had a little spell of negativity for a few weeks, where my anxiety was relatively higher than normal, but I'm feeling a bit more evened out now. And I have a little more motivation, which I'm trying to just hold on to so that I can continue building on it. So, I'm pretty happy :)

Oh, and when I sat down at my desk to sew yesterday there was a card waiting for me from Pat that was just adorable and I love him so much <3 He keeps me sane and holds me when I'm sad and gives me a reason to smile :) So sappy, but oh so true!