#nagblogging

[kondoram]

Did you know, that the world has made developmental problems like autism unspeakable monsters to the point that it damages the psyche of those who even think they may have the slightest chance of have it? And often times, those people develop other mental issues as a result of the continued stigma towards those people? Like people with autism often have depression, anxiety, and paranoia. The world is a fuckin' messed up place. I hope you get to feeling better.

;________; i… i didn’t but it would explain SO MUCH………. thank you for this info, anon, like . honestly. THANK YOU. I thought i was going insane. I know now that it’s not my fault..

[anicelittleghost]

All it takes to be successful in life is to be everything you're not.

My father basically

[anicelittleghost]

I’ve been thinking a lot about how I’ve been slowly dying on the inside since I’ve passed my 3 year mark waiting for healthcare I need to live. I’m probably going to wait another year before anything is going to happen, if I’m lucky maybe only 6 months.

At the same time Americans are also going to have to wait 4 years before receiving any healthcare again. If every single american can wait 4 years for proper healthcare then so can I.

[kondoram]

There will always be a part of you that thinks, "what if this isn't real?" and the only thing that can silence it is time, but that is not guaranteed. I've been diagnosed since childhood and there are still times I feel like I'm using it as an excuse to do self-indulgent things.

it feels awful.... it feels like i’ve been tricking everyone while making things harder for them...i mean.......... i know this is really discouraging bit really feeling the depression here....... what if im making things harder for my friends and family?..... i try really hard to seem neurotypical biut it exhausts me like nothing else in the universe and i just....... i cant do it...... but if i am myself then everyone else around me gets it harder and i just..... i feel irresponsible and bad....... i dont...... want that for them......

[kondoram]

Your teacher is a jerk. :/

well it wasnt... i mean he wasnt really saying it TO me? he was just saying it when i had an interview with him to get into the school, sort of a “i’d like to know what the student is like before i let them get into our school” kind of interview???He was asking me if I was determined to get back into school and such and he just said the thing about dropping out kinda casually but it just froze my soul.idk man..... i’m kinda spoiled in that way i guess? idkkkk nnnngh

[kondoram]

im so extremely weak

am i embarrassing to people?

[kondoram]

im having an existencial crisis about my art aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa what if i never amount to anything with my art what if i never get recognized what if im gonna stay mediocre and unknown for the rest of my life i dont wanna i wanna be recognized i wanna have my hard work payed out for me i may sound super ultra selfish and simpleminded about this but i really wanna be famous.....................................

[kondoram]

goddamn it these past days i’ve felt so incredibly undesired and left out, and yes i know it doesn’t help that my way of dealing with bad feelings is to hide away and not taking care of myself..... but it also doesn’t help that i’ve had dreams about all this too and woken up crying like a fucking baby and UGGGGHHHHHHH

i just wish i was at least beautiful. or important to someone.

like i could even settle with being objectified and used for money or something

just

i dont feel like anyone would willingly want me if they had a choice. im pretty gross and unhealthy and boring and shy, after all. there’s nothing about me that would benefit me or anyone else.....

im so unimportant.....