The mindlessly learned helplessness like the water that falls through the cracks between rocks. Though it somewhat feels like I should get up and storm out of the room to try and resist all the the things that represent frustration, those pointed fingers that say to just stay -- stay where I am. Tried reading books and read some more, tried those unfamiliar things starting with 'untact.' Even tried working out at home. Tried delivery food too. Wasn't it a year in which we tried everything we could do in our small rooms? Though we are still going on like this.
.... Will spring really come this time, will a real spring-like spring come? Although I'm not going to expect anything because I don't want to be disappointed, I think -- after all, those who hold on tight, even to fragments of, to the last ray of hope to be able to wake from sleep again -- isn't that what people are? I engrave in my heart once again the fact that I'm receiving the loving and affectionate eyes of lots of people amidst all this, even in this cold winter, and I determinedly say to myself: I won't break easily. Even if there is no one around, I'm listening.
Even though I said to myself, let's write something a bit short and simple while sending off this year, seeing the overflowing train of words, I think there's still a long way to go until I become a large, beautiful tree. Even if I prune every day, the clear and faint words and imaginations climb up the back of my head and grow. The thought that I get of not being able to live on without reaching my hand out and waving it around, even in an empty void, is probably just how I originally am. Adults around me said that, "you're the type of person who has to calm down, let your anger out a bit." Not even anger, but anger.
The sunset is hanging from the ends of the eaves.
To the many specks of dust like me who try hard to float in order to remain in any form within this blue dot [the Earth], and also to those familiar cold smiles and rules on the outside that threaten and try to swallow us whole, I write a letter. That this one year wasn't in vain. In the end, I can't think of anything but the word 'love', but I write again liek this, searching aimlessly for somewhat better words that have not been worn out. Within these days of exhaustion, thank you for willingly being with us on this tiring journey.
...
Do remember, they can't cancel the spring.
-Kim Namjoon (January 1, 2021)
[I swear I tried to only type out the important bits.... but it was all so gosh darn beautiful it was hard to make any cuts.]
