#is really

[asadstatue]

[o-lanterns]

I still can't believe Subways Of Your Mind was found and that FEX reunited to play it again. most satisfying solved mystery ever. I can't imagine how they must feel knowing people liked their song so much to hunt for its origin for 40 years. and it's just a great song. like. sometimes the world is really good.

[ashtraythief]

Did Dean want to secretly retire? Maybe get a place with Sam and enjoy the rest of his place, without the hunting and near death experiences It always seemed to me that deep down he did, even if he claimed he wanted to keep hunting. I think it was just all he knew, which is sad.

Hmm I have to be honest, I don't think so. Which is totally fine, we all have different reads on canon, but I personally don't think Dean ever really thought about retiring and I didn't see it in canon.

Rambling thoughts under the cut

For one, Dean always assumed he'd die on the job. Dean's pretty consistent that he might want more for Sam, the wife and the white picket fence, but Dean knows how it's gonna end for him and I think he was at peace with that. He said multiple times in the later seasons that he's good with who we are. I know there's this theory going around that in the last ep we see Dean applying for a job in law enforcement or something or other and like… there is no indication anywhere in the show he wants to do that. I don't know what the set decorators were doing there, but since there is nothing else in the show alluding to this and you can only see it if you pause the episode and zoom in… I'm choosing not to give this any weight. It would be so out of the blue. Also with what name and credentials? Their fake ids are good but they don't have a whole fake identity with social security number etc. Plus as far as I know they still take your prints and Dean's would definitely come up even if he's dead. So… no. I don't buy it.

The other thing is, I don't think it's sad that Dean finds fulfillment in hunting. Even with the injuries and near death experiences. We might wish peace for him because it's what we want for ourselves, but Dean as a character thrives on the whole saving people, hunting things thing. He's sort of like a firefighter. Saving people while fighting an unpredictable opponent and risking his health and safety for it. He has an incredibly rewarding and important job. He saves lives, he saved the world. He's good at it and he enjoys it. We see this in the show and he tells us, all the time. Yes, he has moments of doubt and when he's tired but that's always related to bigger oppressive apocalyptic shit. But the regular hunts, he thrives on those. The amount of time shit is hitting the fan and he wants to work, do regular stuff, get his mind off things, get a win, that's where he's happy. And Dean kind of did the retirement thing. Hunting wasn't all he knew. He spent a year with Lisa. And arguably he loved both her and Ben. He knows what it's like and given the choice, he doesn't want it. And yeah, it wasn't with Sam. One could argue I guess that if Sam wanted to retire, Dean might go along. But neither of them want it (and they could have retired easily after 15.19) so why would we want it for them? And I don't think that's sad. I know that for many people family, marriage, etc is the ultimate happiness but one show doesn't fit all. Sam and Dean were happy with each other. They were happy with their lives so while we would not have been happy with a life like that, I think within their story and within their universe, they led good, rewarding lives. And besides the apocalyptic shit, happy lives.

[raincloudcolors]

This is SUCH a great documentary for learning Namjoon's thought processes and philosophy. Especially starting at about 10 minutes, it switches to a collection of Namjoon's quotes about his experiences, struggles and motivations. I loved it because it focused less on what was happening externally and more on his internal world.

"When making any observations, I tend to look at both the light and shadows. It's part of my disposition. So even when I reminisce on happy moments, memories of hardships always tag along. I'd think about a time and remember how hard it was backstage or recall what it was like after returning to the hotel.

Since they always come as a pair, when I talk about an impression, it's hard for me to simply say, "I was so happy." In reality, it's not always like that. Then, is the problem with me? I don't think so. I think the problem has to do with that very question about whether we are happy. I want us to be able to ask ourselves more specific questions. Instead of asking a question like, "Am I happy in this moment?" I'd prefer questions like, "Do I love this moment?"

-- Kim Namjoon

What a phenomenal insight.

[star--anon]

I love meeting people online cuz its a way you can be fully yourself without having your face or name fully attached to anything and you can just fuckin bail and get a new username if you do something dumb. And you get to meet people that you get along with, best friends and partners and stuff that youd never have a chance to meet irl because of distances.

(Sorry for the ramble you made a comment about how i dont know your name or face and i decided to riot)

^ CAN I GET A F*CKING AMEN

[reala-is-bae]

hmmm time to draw something that is so self indulgent

[seilon]

cannibals really felt like an out of body experience like that song came on and then I woke up in a ditch outside somewhere in the dead of night