Oct 29, 2021
sorry for not posting for so long take this as an apology
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sorry for not posting for so long take this as an apology
Old Maid
The beautiful images of Cell 6 in Building Three had busy schedules. Even outside of entertaining the attentions of their fanclub, there were photo shoots and promotional materials to pose for, quizzes on beauty and general education to take, ammo ranges to clean, and mechanical projects to help out with.
But whenever the beautiful inmates did have some downtime, they tended to spend it playing card games to sharpen their wits and poker faces.
Well, Inmates 0303 and 0382 did. Inmate 0307 just hoped that he would not lose as badly as he normally did.
His lack of familiarity with the game strongly suggested that these hopes were soon to be dashed.
“So...the Joker is...bad?” Nana asked, staring at his hand of cards like they contained the secrets of the universe.
“For the fortieth time, yes.” Hani groaned. “Have you been listening at all?!”
“I have!” The young inmate flushed. “It’s just—it’s difficult.”
“How?!”
“Be nice, Hani-kun.” Trois laid a concilatory hand on his cellmate’s shoulder. “It is his first time after all. Nana-chan needs a bit of guidance so he can properly gain experience after all.”
“This stuff is basic intuition though!” Hani griped, shaking his cards for emphasis. “Not knowing it is as stupid as not knowing you have five toes!!”
“Jyugo-san has six toes. Nico-san told me he told him he lost one of them to a piranha.”
The two paused and looked at Nana. Trois reached out, carefully keeping his cards hidden, and pressed a hand to the boy’s shoulder. “Nana-chan, do you remember what we talked about the other day?”
Nana’s brow furrowed. “...That Jyugo-san shouldn’t be consulted about anything that isn't jailbreaking?”
“Yes. This is an example of one of those times.”
“Ah, that lockpick is seriously useless. Who the hell doesn’t know the number of toes humans have?! Did he sleep through goddamn school or something?” Hani complained, rolling his shoulders.
“...Did Jyugo-San go to school?” Nana asked, looking up from choosing a card from Hani’s deck.
There was a pause as the trio considered this.
“...Well, he must’ve! It’s not like the emotionless brat was born in jail— even if he was in juvie, he had to have a life before this— goddamn elementary schooling at least.” Hani proclaimed, rubbing the back of his neck doubtfully.
“Although, he and the rest of Cell 13 always say he’s in here for ‘jailbreaking’. There’s no mention of an original crime which lead to that like there is for Uno-kun and the others. And if he even drowns in the bathtub...” Trois mused.
Another, more dour silence as the implications sunk in.
“I-it’s kinda amazing that Jyugo-San functions as well as he does, isn’t it?” Nana asked shakily. “If he really was born in a prison, like Bane...”
“Bane?” Trois asked, raising a perfectly sculpted eyebrow as he placed the pair he’d just made with Nana’s card down.
“American comic book villain.” Hani informed him curtly. “Big guy on steroids, fights Batman. He was part of the inspiration for the bandit boss Yama in Winds and Clouds Chronicle Ninja Kamikaze that—”
“Wow, Hani-kun looks cool even when he’s oversharing about his favorite movie~” Trois steamrolled, leaving Hani to glare mutinously down at his cards.
“I-I’d like to hear more about it, Hani-senpai.” Nana tentatively volunteered, quailing slightly under Trois’ dry stare. “I-if it’s not too much trouble...”
“Hah!” Hani pointed a finger at Trois in smug glee. “Don’t worry Nana, we can do a movie marathon later.”
“Ah, okay! I’ll look forward to it!” The youngest member perked up again, turning back to his cards. The flash of panic on his face made it clear who had the Joker.
The mechanic sighed. “There go my hopes for having any cellmates with taste.”
“TROIS, YOU BAAAASTAAARD!!”
“Trois-senpai is mean!” The youngest inmate stuck out his tongue.
“Sorry, sorry. I’m just joking.” Trois held up a conciliatory hand. “Still, going back to the previous topic at hand, it is amazing that Jyugo-san is able to interact as a fairly stable and compassionate person, even given his...areas for growth.”
“How the hell does anyone get mugged by a grade schooler?” Hani sighed, taking a card from Trois’ deck. “And then get tricked into buying a weird vase in the same day, too?”
“...Jyugo-san was what now?” Nana asked, a look of incredulity crossing his face.
Trois chuckled. “Ah, you weren’t here for that story, were you? You’ll have to ask Uno-kun for the full version later.”
Nana went dark red for some reason, and began fidgeting with his cards. “A-ah, n-no, I’ll, I’ll just ask for i-it from Ni-Nico-san.”
Trois chuckled again, while Hani looked between them in confusion.
“Anyway,” The bespectacled inmate continued serenely, waiting for his cellmates to take their turns. “Maybe someone should provide Jyugo-san with some life advice, so his naïveté is not taken advantage of if he’s ever released.”
Hani scoffed as the smallest inmate’s fingers hovered indecisively over his hand. “As if that’d even help. It’d go in one of the lockpick’s ears and out the other.”
“Be nice, senpai.” Nana admonished gently, finally picking a card and holding his hand out to Trois.
“That’s right Hani-kun.” Trois added. “After all, Jyugo-san is just an unfortunate who couldn’t even guess the brand of underwear a woman wears, let alone the color.”
Hani’s expression became pensive and thoughtful, almost pitying.
By contrast, Nana’s face twisted in exasperation and disgust. “Why. Why do you two always do this?”
Both of the older inmates ignored him.
“Huh...” Hani closed his eyes and crossed his arms, keeping his cards pressed against his chest. “Life advice...like the fact that women who are wearing skirts without anything underneath are more likely to wear sexy or plain panties rather than anything patterned, just in case. And that white pants or bottoms usual mean white or pale pastel underwear, unless the material is thick enough that color wouldn’t show through.”
“How is that life advice?!” Nana squeaked, cheeks a vibrant red.
“That’s right Hani-kun.” Trois nodded seriously. “It’d be much better to advise him that the best laundry lines to get bras from are those on apartment buildings in big cities that are close in proximity to another building or roof. Those don’t tend to have the space inside to hang laundry, and it’s much easier to avoid a trespassing charge if you lean over and swipe it than if you’re caught climbing into someone’s garden, even if those have less security cameras.”
“That’s not any better!!” Nana shrieked. “In fact, it’s kinda worse! That’s seriously sexual harrassment at least! You’re gonna turn Jyugo-san into a deviant with advice like that!!”
“He’s in jail. He’s already a deviant.” Trois pouted.
“What the hell would you say then, if you’re so wise about how the outside world works?” Hani sneered, eyebrow twitching.
“I never said that! But...hm...life advice for Jyugo-san...” Nana pressed a knuckle to his mouth, frowning in concentration while his other hand flopped into his lap and showed off the faces of his cards. “Ah!”
He sat up straighter and gestured with an index finger. “Ryphenol makes your drink taste really salty, and you can fight the effects for about 20 minutes to get attention before the drug makes you pass out. Additionally, if you’re being followed by a scary person, go up to a building and yell ‘fire!’ while banging on the door, because that will make people come out rather than ignore you.”
There was a moment of stunned silence as the two beautiful inmates absorbed this.
“...Do you mean Rohypnol, Nana-chan?” Trois asked with a slightly strained smile.
“Um...Ah, yeah, that’s the one!” The child smiled, looking pleased with himself. “Plus, if you ever get taken somewhere against your will, do whatever you can to escape before you get taken to a second location, because your chances of survival go down drastically once that happens!”
“Why the hell is all your advice an anti-abduction PSA?!” Hani demanded.
“W-Well, Jyugo-san is clearly the type of guy who gets into trouble easily!” Nana countered, puffing out his cheeks. “It’ll be of more use to him to know that the police can find him easier with forsonics if he leaves hair or blood behind than how to guess a woman’s underwear color!”
“You take that back!!” Hani roared. “And what the fuck are forsonics?!”
“Forsonics! Forsonic science! The stuff police use to identify DNA and fingerprints and clothing fibers!” Nana yelled back.
“THAT’S FORENSICS, YOU LITTLE IDIOT!!”
“Is not!”
“IS!”
“Is NOT!”
“Nana-chan, I think Hani-kun is unusually correct about the pronunciation.” Trois intervened, finally finished with examining the content of the arrow head’s deck.
“HAH!” Hani cheered, sticking a finger in Nana’s face. “Wait, thE HELL DO YOU MEAN, ‘UNUSUALLY’?!”
Nana’s cheeks went red and he stared sullenly down at his cards, tears beading at the corners of his eyes.
“Ah, Nana-chan, don’t cry.”
“‘M not.” He rubbed his face on his shoulder.
“Seriously?” Hani quirked an eyebrow. “If that’s enough to start the waterworks, maybe you’re the one who needs life advice.”
Nana dropped his cards, bright red spots high in his puffed cheeks, lips pressed together sharply.
The boy stood, strode back over to his bunk, and crawled underneath it.
“Now you’ve done it.” Trois sighed, picking up the scattered cards and using them to discreetly make pairs
“Oh for fuck’s sake—“ Hani shot a glare towards the bunk. “Come out, brat.”
“Don’t wanna.” Came the stroppy reply.
“Don’t be stupid, Kiji’ll get pissy if you get dust on your clothes again.” Hani barked, fuse rapidly burning short. “Come out from under there already.”
“Take it back.” Nana demanded, the pout audible in his voice.
“Like hell!”
“Ah, I win again.” Trois said, satisfied.
Hani started down at all the “miraculously” formed pairs of cards in front of his innocently-beaming cellmate. Then at his own hand, where the Joker which most certainly hadn’t been there a minute ago was surreptitiously nestled into his grip.
“TROIS, YOU BAAAASTAAARD!!”
(In Cell 13, Inmate 1315 finally gets over his compulsive sneezing fit.)
(“Maybe it was girls talking about you!” Nico volunteers optimistically.)
(“What, him and his pink nipples?” Uno jokes. “Get real, it was probably Hajime complaining again.”)
(Jyugo throws a cushion at the braided asshole.)
(He misses.)
This is gold.
Kiji would like to talk to you, Haninozuka.
(this also gives me an idea...)
doodles
honey nanbaka hcs simply because i have been thinking about him a Lot lately
transmasc swag. he/it/they/xe
demiromantic bisexual! despite how flirty he is i don't think he'd really be comfortable in a romantic relationship unless he really trusts the person
oh he absolutely has piercings you can't convince me otherwise
he brags about having "sick fuckin tattoos". they're temporary tattoos
he cannot do makeup for shit. every time he tries to do it himself it ends up looking awful so every time he (unfortunately) has to either get kiji or trois to do his makeup
they're both incredibly annoying about it but he puts up with it. he has to
he secretly likes really "cute" things, magical girl shows, vocaloid, etc., he would literally never let anyone find out about this though even though it really isn't as embarrassing as he thinks
it would take a VERYYYY long long time. but if nico found out about this . besties Maybe
he probably drinks monster tbh
he sometimes like. puts up his middle finger over and over as a stim
he likes cooking!! he isn't good at it and it frustrates him but it's fun so who cares
he's the kinda guy who goes to everyone else in building 3 with an overly burnt piece of toast and be like "hi guys i made breakfast 😊"
everyone is done with his shit but they still care about him
it’s midway through october which means it’s halloween now
“At least look at her picture, you perfumed weirdos.” The messy-haired young man snaps.
Hani’s lip curls and he’s tempted to refuse on principle. There’s a gentle jab in his side and Trois’ eyebrows lowering fractionally to transform his expression into a pout.
“Fine, fine already. Hand it over.” Hani huffs, one careless hand held out as the image is slid through the little slot. “But kid, you’re fu–kidding yourself if you think we’ll recognize your runaway sis—”
Brown hair. Huge blue eyes. Slight bags under them. Nervous close-lipped smile.
“—ter...”
It’s a picture of Nana. With longer hair that rests on his shoulders, sure, but it’s still Nana.
Wait.
It’s Nana.
He distantly hears the kid go “arrows, what the fuck—” over the sound of his jaw dropping and Trois’ glasses shattering.
The plot thickens!
Introducing one of the more savory aspects of Nana’s past. His little brother, currently trying on the name “Xander” for size, who has invested a lot of time and effort into tracking his wayward older sibling down.
Too bad he’s five or six steps behind all the others who want to find Nana for decidedly less benign reasons...
Expect more of him and post-Nanba Nana to follow!
Inktober Day 9!
Long time since I’ve drawn these nerds!
They’re doing a photoshoot for the fan club.