#nannestarion

[chronoxtreme]

Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters - Howl, Florence + the Machine

"I just want you to be safe, love."

[chronoxtreme]

The actual size difference between Nanne and Astarion, ft. his NG+ outfit (doing a Nanne Durge playthrough rn and it's honestly very funny thinking of a sweetheart like Nanne doing Durge things)

[chronoxtreme]

It was love that had him slip his knee under their good leg, hooking it up over his hips so he could sink down fully into their arms.

I live! And this mod is giving me life!

For anyone who's here reading The Cage, I promise that I'm still working on it. Unfortunately a lot of crazy stuff in my personal life happened all at once (as it does), and I'm working through burnout, etc. But as I adjust to my new reality, I'm finding a lot of solace in writing their story, especially through Astarion's POV. Anyway have a spoiler of how this is gonna go (don't worry, how we get there is still gonna be fun)

[chronoxtreme]

The movements were jerky, a bit awkward, a bit unsure. But they understood. The first time was always the hardest.  Astarion’s nose brushed their neck, and they felt just as much as heard him inhale. An exhale, then another breath taken and released.  Together, they stood and breathed.

Didja want more hug feels? I did. (Link to the chapter here)

Neither of them have been hugged in such a long time but they're trying.

[chronoxtreme]

“Can I kiss you?” they asked, voice still hoarse, but level. “Darling, there’s nothing I’d like more,” he breathed, leaning in, eyes closed— Only for their lips to brush his cheek instead. For a moment, it brought back a pleasant memory: Nanne doing the exact same thing that disastrous final night of meaningless sex, a token of true affection after his failure of a performance. It had meant far more to him than he’d ever like to admit. But they were past that, weren’t they? He wasn’t someone who needed to be coddled. He wanted more. “A real kiss, my dear,” he murmured, before clutching their face in his hands and pulling them back flush against him.

One of my favorite moments of Chapter 17, so I had to make a gif for it (sorry Gale, I stole your kiss).

[chronoxtreme]

"Leave all your love and your longing behind, you can't carry it with you if you want to survive." | "But the loneliness never left me, I always took it with me, but I can put it down in the pleasure of your company." -- Florence + the Machine

Then vs now. Nanne is my Tav, and you can read about them here (beware the content warnings, it gets heavy). Anyway, if you've already read some of The Cage and were like "Okay, was Nanne's hair actually ugly af when Astarion met them or was he just being a drama king" the answer is "No, it was worse."

[chronoxtreme]

The Cage: Chapter 23 Author's Notes

First off, link to chapter here! This one is going to be a DOOZY, so please feel free to skip to the relevant sections that interest you.

Chessa and the Gur Children

Normally in game, you trigger the cutscene with Sebastian first, then you can interact with the Gur kids. I wanted to switch this around for two reasons. First, Sebastian's section hits harder when Astarion starts to catch on to the true details of the ritual, and second, it's a little weird for him to come extremely close to an emotional breakdown, then be flippant and sassy around a bunch of kids.

Sebastian

Originally, the flashbacks to Astarion's night with Sebastian weren't a thing, but I'm glad they are, because it's exactly what Cazador would This whole section is heavily inspired by this gorgeous animatic set to El Tango de Roxanne. It's lived in my head rent free ever since I saw it, and it honestly illustrates just how terrible Astarion's life as Cazador's spawn was.

Sebastian has always been a foil to Nanne, in the sense that what he endured was exactly what Astarion spared Nanne from. I wanted their meeting to be memorable - while Astarion says he remembers every person in the cell he finds Sebastian in, he also mentions multiple times in the game and demonstrates that he has a very hazy memory under Cazador's abuse and torture. While Sebastian was indeed one of his first victims, and he was sweet, shy, and handsome, I wondered why Astarion would bring up dining with Cazador in game as an example of how horrible a master he is, instead of mentioning being tortured in the Kennels for a tenday straight. So, this scene materialized.

Astarion's reasoning for picking flaying over eating a rat is both from spite and guilt over luring Sebastian back.

The Cage

Like I mentioned in the end notes for the chapter itself, this whole scene inspired the idea of Nanne being a potential victim for Cazador that Astarion spared. Again, it's not a novel idea, but I loved it, so I went with it in my own way.

If Nanne hadn't already known that Astarion was the pale elf who'd dumped them in Fraygo's ten years ago, they would have figured it out right now - but now they understand just what Astarion spared them from. Seeing Sebastian both scares them and fills them with grief for Astarion for that reason.

And then Astarion says that he's going through with the ritual anyway and Nanne loses it.

Nanne at this point hasn't really openly protested Astarion ascending because, well, in earlier acts, Astarion always would talk a big game about how bad and evil he is, but never follow through. He may bitch about Nanne doing kind things, like saving gnomes, etc. but that's pretty much it. Even his plan of taking over the Cult of the Absolute is literally "Find device, kill people, profit!" So, they both assumed that their own transformation into being half illithid would dissuade Astarion from making a grab for more power, and that naturally over time he'd chill out and not be so hellbent to murder people. Astarion is also stressed the entire time they're in Baldur's Gate. They don't want to risk straining their relationship over a fight like this.

However, this is the moment where they realize that Astarion will never give up the ritual on his own. He's literally seen every person he's seduced for Cazador turned into spawn, including children, knows he'll have to sacrifice them all, and that's not enough to stop him. They're horrified, scared, and sad for Astarion because he's desperate. They realize that they can't just stand idly by and wait for Astarion to make the right decision.

There's also anger at themself. Why did Astarion pick them? Why were they the lucky one, when previously they've been so unlucky? Why didn't they realize sooner that they really, genuinely needed to talk to Astarion about this before the palace?

In the end, they hope that when the chips fall, Astarion will have that same burst of conscience that he had when he spared them ten years ago - but now they know they can't count on that, and that unsettles them, deeply.

Cazador

We all joke about how Cazador's kind of sad and pathetic when we meet him in game, but I honestly think that makes him even more terrifying as a villain. This is a small man with a reedy voice, and Astarion is still scared shitless of him, even with a small army at his heels. He's put Astarion through hell, and even with three months of adventuring and freedom, Astarion fears him more than anything.

However, the bastard really loves monologuing, and Nanne ain't about that, so they try to intervene - and fail. Chatterteeth casts Eyebite: Fear on them, so they're overwhelmed with terror and can't move while Astarion is trapped in the ritual.

The way that Cazador's boss fight is set up is perfect for a video game, but has a lot of, erm, oversights. However, I got to give the guy credit: he knows how to put on one hell of a ritual, and that staircase is a good chokepoint. As long as he can hold it, then he can pull off the ritual without a hitch.

Thanks for reading!

[chronoxtreme]

The Cage: Chapters 2-5 Author's Notes

So, I'll be honest - one of the biggest weaknesses of this fic for me, personally, is that these 3 chapters don't really need to be here, but they do at the same time. They're important to Astarion actually getting to know Nanne, but at the same time they don't really move the story along in terms of the main thesis, i.e. "they met 10 years ago and now they're back together oopsies."

I've also been trying to break the habit of relying on canon dialogue/scenes to convey relationships. It's something that I notice I do a lot in my other fics that aren't AUs, so this fic is trying to get out of that niche.

As well, Nanne giving the tent to Astarion is something I kind of stumbled into and ended up loving. I think it's a nice way to establish Nanne's personality in context. That sort of generosity mixed with envy because you really want it for yourself but you know that it's the right thing to do to give it to this poor nobleman who's clearly never had a day of hardship in his life. The selflessness that isn't quite selfless because it's been engrained into you from a young age and is it really a choice? (Don't worry, we'll get into more of that later)

Some funny headcanons/canon events that I shoved into this fic:

Literally all of Astarion's camp gear is stolen from the crypt/the tiefling refugees/the druids at the grove. I refuse to believe that he obtained all of those trinkets by gainful means when it's repeatedly emphasized that this dude owned literally nothing under Cazador.

Astarion's burial shroud (inspired by the rags you can see in his various camp sites, especially in Last Light Inn). This is something that was almost 100% pulled out of my ass. I don't think the vampiric resting place rule applies to spawn, but I do like the thought of Astarion's sole possession being a reminder of his trauma. We'll do stuff with that later, don't worry.

Astarion thinks Wyll is hot because he's exactly his type of "innocent charming younger man who is selfless and slightly awkward but good at heart." Also Wyll is just hot.

Astarion making fun of Shadowheart's goth name is a thing that happens in game if you happen to recruit Astarion first before her and it's VERY funny

The sheer, utter frustration Astarion has watching everyone in camp target his seduction mark and try and pull the moves on them

I do also believe that Astarion's compatible with every single party member (except for Minsc and Jaheira for obv reasons), so while he does tick them off the list of "seduce for protection" candidates for various reasons, it's mainly because this is a Tav x Astarion story. Likewise, I love all the party members, no matter how much Astarion may shit on them lol

So, let's talk a little about Chapter 5 and what's going on here. A lot of the events are based on my second-first playthrough as Nanne (my first playthrough was on my old PC that died and the saves got corrupted, so I had to start over). Looking back, I do think it's pretty self indulgent to have everyone hit on my OC, but considering it happened in game just by playing a nice character who naturally wanted to get to know everyone and was a compulsive peacemaker, I can't say it's, like, over the top outrageous. (They literally ALL cockblocked Astarion's romance scene except for Wyll. Literally all of them)

If I were to go back and rewrite this section, though, I'd probably stretch out the timeline a lot more, moving Shadowheart's date later back, Gale's magic lessons, etc. One of the issues that I have with writing is the timeline, and nowhere has it been more obvious than with this fic, where I'll describe a week's worth of events happening in literally four days, then skip ahead two months and go "Hey guys, take my word for it that x time has passed." It's something I definitely need to work on lol. At the same time, this is very much a self indulgent fic for funsies.

Now SPOILERS FOR NANNE'S CHARACTER ARC: In case anyone's curious, no, Nanne had no clue that Shadowheart's little date was supposed to be a date. This is a person who has never been approached for anything romantic except from their sketchy employer. Astarion is exasperated that they didn't see the signs, but Nanne has no experience with "hooking up", dating, whatever you wanna call it.

They do feel bad about accidentally leading Shadowheart on, but honestly, they're torn because on the one hand, someone did find them attractive! Wowee! On the other hand, this is moving awfully fast and they're scared about being exposed. They have had it repeatedly bashed into their head that their body is disgusting, unnatural, a deviation that must be fixed, and so relationships are this thing that they can't ever have, but desperately crave. It is a deeply painful position to be in. They do a good job of hiding it and not coming across as clingy, but Nanne is a very lonely person who craves connection and intimacy (physical, sexual, emotional, any of it). At the same time, they can't risk being rejected again.

END SPOILERS

The boar scene is one of my favorite early on scenes because this is the moment when Nanne clocks that Astarion is actually a vampire. A lot of people make fun of the game for waiting like, five in game days before exposing the elephant in the room, but considering that everyone knows vampires can't stand in sunlight, it's reasonable to assume that Astarion's just an incredibly pampered noble who's got delicate skin and maybe some drow ancestry.

But then he starts acting VERY suspicious and guilty and, well, the boar is literally right there.

Nanne's comment of "You're protecting us from the vampire, aren't you?" is meant to be a very subtle way of thanking Astarion from not eating anyone yet, which considering what happens in the next chapter is, uh, lol. Lmao, even.